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Is Hartson still having problems keeping his weight down?
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Apparently the Captain isn't the only one who thinks so:
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Louise Johnson, associate editor of New Woman magazine, said: "It's a well known fact that wearing horizontal stripes makes a person look shorter and wider. It's just an optical illusion, but it's very unfortunate for someone like John Hartson.
"His other problem with signing for Celtic is that the stripes are green. It's a very unflattering colour for red-haired people, because their fair skin makes their veins more prominent and gives them a slightly green tinge. That's why we get a lot of Scottish and Irish models who look slightly green or blue."
Louise's advice to Hartson is to forget about Parkhead and turn his attentions to St James' Park instead. She explained: "Vertical stripes like the ones worn by Newcastle have the opposite effect to horizontal ones - they make a person look taller and thinner. That would be good for someone with John's distinctive body shape. It would be even better if he were to insist on always being photographed in his Newcastle shirt standing against a black wall. Your eye would be fooled into thinking that his stomach only extended out as far as the outermost white stripe.
"Another option would be Barcelona. Their shirt is that maroon colour, but it has navy blue panels on the sides which again can fool the eye. He could take a couple of inches off either side that way."
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There's hope for us yet Jinky
