"Dude is fat
Dude is plump
Dude's soccer skills are in the declining dumps.
Dude eats most of his food from a pan
Dude likes to self tan
Dude wishes his wasn't hung like a tuna can.
Dude wears his soccer cleats loose
Dude tries to slim down with boost
Dude what a douche!"
David Pratt
Ex Vancouver Province