Notes & moans to anonyms people about various things...

[knvb]

I'd like to express my complete displeasure with a person whose identity shall remain secret to protect him from (further) persecution by an association whose title we'll call ASCB for now. I also write this as a lesson to others who know my (ex) friend, who I shall call Mr. Knocker for the purpose of complete anonymity.

After a weekend packed full of activity (read: drinking and playing large amounts of soccer in a very condensed amount of time) I was so very, very rudely awaken (awoken?) by a thunderous knee to the kidney's by my missus. At 5: fcucking 20 am my phone began beeping to alert me that I had received a message sometime after I passed out watching Nemo (for the 400th time) with the wee'n and the early morning Chuck Norris thunder knee to the small of my back. At 5: fcuking 20 am I was forced to hobble my burnt, hung-over and absolute shattered body, not to mention newly bruised kidney's to the list down what seemed like 200 flights of stairs to confirm I had in fact been dumb enough to leave my damn phone on last night. At approximately. 5: 25 when I finally got my internal bleeding stopped and I finagled myself down the Sears tower worth of stairs and was forced to rummage through a kit bag full of nasty sweaty funky socks, shorts, T-shirts and shinnies looking for my beeping nemesis.

At 5:30 am when I finally found my phone and flipped it open to find out why indeed the fluking thing was beeping and doing such nasty things to me and my body this early in the day. As it turned out I received a few (dozen) calls from a now ex-mate "Mr. Knocker" at around 1:30am. I promptly fired my brand new Motorola off the office wall while calling Knocks (as his friend call him) a string of nasty names most ending in cnut.

Let this serve as a reminder and a little lesson for those who own a cell phone and who think they know who Mr. Knocker is. Make sure you either erase your name and number from his speed dial or be sure to turn off your mobile. He's ruthless in his attempt to make people miserable.

To finish my moan let me say that I hate you Mr. Knocker. My burnt face and shattered kidney's hate you too. You're an ass hole of the highest fcuking order, Knocks and you now owe me a new mobile.

[Dapotayto]

Obviously you should dump him. Try to get your ring and your favourite sweater back first though .

God, that is the most interesting story since that German fellow was explaining to me how clocks work. Or since Dude was hammering on about the Tour de France, pedal cadences and riding uphill on a bike built for one. Take your pick.

Jesus Christ, did you take some walks, I mean knocks, on the head when you hanging out with Michael Jackson and getting those albino skin bleach jobs or what?

[knvb]

Dap, have you ever heard of Brian Adams? He's a Dutch Scottish singer who had no home but he wrote a song called Everything I do I do for you... The medley sounded like finger nails running down a chalk board while someone pounded a cat over the head with a clog, but that's not my point here. My point is, my post may read like that, but if I were to name it, it wouldn't be called that. Get it? Bulljive will explain it to you.


BTW, I found Dude's post on bikes built for one and the spandex wearing men who ride them race riveting in every aspect.

[Hands of Stone]

I hear that there is an Ozzi cell phone company that is offering a service for your phone, that when activated for 20 cents per number, it will not allow you to call certain numbers (ex-girlfriends or soccer mates) during the night, so you can't make those Drunk'N Dials. Sounds like a good idea for our friend Mr. Falker.

hos

[shaven]

Tough night bud, sounds like you may be investing in large amounts of flowers for the missus after that one. Word to the wise: You many want to consider turning the ringer volume down on the phone as well, as any ringer that can be heard from the bottom of a kit bag all the way to the bedroom is quite loud indeed!

Your ex-mate sounds like a real knob anyhow, as who would phone or text a married buddy with kids at the ungodly hour of 5 AM anyway? Very out of bounds, red carded and slapped with a 5 gamer.

~Shaven