Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, 2007-2008

[Sir M]

Well.

It seems like a new business model will be used in the rankings this year. It will incorporating various forms of "motivation" for staff who had in the past taken advantage of their license to travel the world on Virgin (bit of a misnomer come to think of it when applied to staff member CDMTC Blonde) Air. Unfortunately, many SMEPR staff spent much of their time partying or eating at the buffet, when they were supposed to have been reporting on and evaluating Masters Football for these rankings . So, this new business model has been initiated. This, it is anticipated, should improve rankings efficiency. And as my German friends like to say, efficiency and accuracy are the wives of, and creativity the mistress of...success. And remember, a wife is an asset, and a mistress a liability. So my German friends say anyway. (They are a bit boring).

So, Sir M, after another in a series of partnerships where trusted partners were, well, underachieving, has employed a new Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings Chief Operating Officer (COO). He is a former NAIA hammer throw champion, former captain of the SFU (OK, I know that Sir M has stated in the past that there is no bona fide advanced learning institution east of Alma, but is now softening as the bottom line increasingly becomes a factor) track and field team (emphasis on "field") and Lytton Celtic Festival Caber Throw Champion, and renowned motivator. His name is "The Human Chest" (hereinafter referred to as "The Chest") . Credentials? Try this: he has eaten 24 hot dogs in one sitting, and can close grip bench press over 400 lbs, and covers his body in chalk and usually beats himself about the head before deadlifting 650 lbs, and has drank three super big gulps at one sitting, and has twice evacuated his bowels in his pants after a Schezchuan binge (once while bench pressing, and once while playing golf and hitting the ground an inch or two behind the ball if you can believe it), and finished his exercise activity each time. He is an expert motivator, and has already done some great work with SMEPR staff. So, as a result, week's ahead of schedule, Sir M is anticipating the debut edition of this season's rankings within the next 48-72 hours.

Further, in another effort by staff (The Chest actually) to enhance the customer service model embraced by us here at Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, we are publishing, for your consumption, reflection, and of course input, the 2006-2007 final rankings.

So, here you go, have a look at last year's final rankings. How should be teams ranked coming out of the gate? Staff value and will take into consideration your input.

Of course, and The Chest will echo this philosophy: this is not a democracy.

So have a look at last year's final rankings, and tell us what you think:

Originally Posted by Sir M

Well here you go. This is, truth be told, completely unanticipated. Much like there was no way there would be a reunion tour of The Police, staff have re-opened this thread Sir M, its seems, is certifiably insane.

So, SMEPR fans, one more time, here we go:

Due to overwhelmingly popular demand, staff have postponed their various vacations to such exotic venues as Belize, Tuscany, and of course Sooke, and have acquiesced to the multiple requests for one last 2006/2007 edition of… Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings.

Now, before everyone gets all Verklempt (Utah, Coach…please note) about this, let Sir M once again set out the Power Rankings criteria. Despite what some may think, staff try to be as fair as possible, and rate the teams as to recent form, strength of opposition, who’s better, and of course coiffures and personal grooming That is why SFC is ranked #7 (Just kidding Coach).

This final edition, however, does factor in overall form and achievements over this past season. This week’s rankings are more of an overview of the form of the sides over the past season than previous rankings.

So here we go: this is the final 2006-2007 version (and be forewarned teams will not necessarily come out of the gate next year in this order) of:

Sir M’s Excellent Power Rankings:

1. S.F.C. Rangers (FVSL). This side is the British Columbia Masters Champions. They were on a significant roll here the last few months, and defeated a feisty and higher ranked Columbus side for the title. Also finished in 1st place on 46 points (14 clear of the second place side) in the FVSL. They were, furthermore, Western Canadian Champs two years ago, and will represent this Province in fine fashion in Winnipeg this fall, staff predict. RF, note, Winnipeg: Home made perogies swimming in melted dairy butter, diced blanched onion, and crispy bacon bits with a big dollup of cool sour cream on top, and home made fried garlic sausage on the side, with a cabbage roll chaser.

2. Columbus F.C. (VMSL). This side really struggled coming out of the gate with the loss of Benji Hayford for the season, but much like this side’s namesake in 1492, they righted the ship, and forged forward, going on quite a tear since Christmas. They finished second on their side on 30 points in the VMSL, lost out in the quarters of the Masters Cup, but most importantly reached the BC Final, dispatching much vaunted Surrey United in the process. The future is (as opposed to SCDMTC Blonde) bright for this side.

3. Surrey United (VMSL). This team had a storybook maiden season in the VMSL, but had a bit of a hiccup near the end. Winners of side B in the VMSL Masters Premier on 38 points, they went out early in the Masters Cup, but went on a bit of a run in the BCs, only to lose out in the semis to Columbus. But staff argues that this team, based on consistent performance over the season, rates this ranking…if not higher. Are co-winners of the League Trophy, along with Metro-Ford.

4. Metro Ford Wolves (VMSL). The Wolves went out early in the BCs on the Island, but did win their side in the VMSL Masters on 33 points and were finalists in the Masters Cup. Hopefully they will keep all of their players next season and take that next step. Co-title holders: but enough about Sir M’s financial real estate mistake on marriage #1.

5. Aldergrove United (FVSL). This side finished a distant third to SFC in the FVSL, but won the FVSL Master’s Cup and made it to the semi-finals of the Provincial Championships. So this Aldergrove team is ranked #5, based primarily on, values that Mrs. Sir M perhaps should embrace: hard work and commitment.

6. West Van F.C. (VMSL). This team, VMSL Champs a year ago, started very slowly, but came on in the end, winning the Master’s Cup, and finishing a point behind Columbus. Went out on PKs to Westside in a tough first round game in the BCs. Will this team get better next year? Does SDMTC Blonde sleep on her back?

7. UVIC Alumni (VISL). This side arguably has the best combination midfielder and rock star playing in Masters football: Nick Gilder, (formerly of Sweeney Todd). They went out in the second round of the BCs, but UVic finished on top in the VISL, and also were the Tony Grover Cup Champions.

8. Westside F.C. (VMSL). This team had a good start, but dropped off at the end, not unlike Skanky CDMTC Blonde before she met Doctor Graham. Finished behind SU on the VMSL B side, and defeated West Van in the BCs. Have, staff report, the best goaltender under 5’8” in local Masters soccer. Their unanticipated exit to Aldergrove in the BCs drops them, staff advise.

9. Vancouver Firefighters (VMSL). This side has, much like Rangerforever at his Sunday evening dinners of late, been languishing near the middle of the table for several months now. The 05-06 Provincial Champs went out early in the BCs, lost in the semis in the League Cup, and came in third on side B of the VMSL. Owned Surrey United this year it seems.

10. Peace Arch United (FVSL). Had a good draw in round one, and lost a heartbreaker to SFC in the second round. Finished in second place in the FVSL, and also were finalists in the FVSL Masters Cup. They wear jerseys with stretch marks.

11. Sapperton Rovers (VMSL) This team led their side of the VMSL standings for a good portion of the year, but much like Dickens’ much anticipated return from injury, faded badly at the end. Are as tough a team as you would want to meet though, although staff suggest midfielders that dye their hair may have been their downfall.

12. ICSF Inter (VMSL). A very disappointing year for the 03-04 Provincial Finalists. Staff have no doubt that this team will rebound: they are known for having good hair, and are very good cooks.

13. Nanaimo United. (VISL). Staff report that this is a side that is always tough, as they have to live in Nanaimo. Went out early in the BCs, but finished in second place in the VISL, just 3 points shy of UVic.

14. Coveside F.C. (NCSL). Had a disappointing year, by their standard in the NSCL, finishing third, and not reaching the Cup Final. Solace for them though in that they were the most competitive of their league’s teams in the first round of the BCs, losing (by less than the others) to the BC Champs.

15. Nordic F.C. (NSCL). Had a great year in the NSCL, winning the league and the Kilby Cup. Their thumping in the first round at the hand of SU of the BCs drops them a bit though.

16. VicWest (VISL). Another Island team that made an early exit in the BCs. Finished in third in the VISL, and made it to the semis in the Tony Grover Cup. Staff advise that two players on this team have bench pressed the log.

17. Cliff Avenue Utd. (VMSL). This side had a wonderful debut season in the VMSL: they won Div 1 going away, got promoted, and made it into the quarter-final of the League Cup. Did not qualify for the BCs, but they will play Masters Premier next year.

18. NorVan F.C. (NSCL). Finished in second place in the NSCL, and did not fare any better in the goal scoring department than any other sides from their league in the Provincials, also failing to make a mark on the score sheet. Were also Kilby Cup finalists though.

19. Wickham F.C. (VMSL). Not a great year for this team, also did not qualify for the BCs or make much of a run in the cup. Stayed up though, and are looking to move up next year.

20. Delta Metro Utd. (FVSL). Fourth place in the FVSL did not get them a spot in the BCs, were semi-finalists in the FVSL Masters Cup.

So that is it for this year. Everyone have a good summer.

Sir M knows he won’t.

Stay tuned for the new rankings being rolled out by, The Chest advises, Wednesday, if not earlier.

[Freddy]

I guess it will be obvious from the downwind odor who the Chest is when he is scouting a game Looking forward to new rankings. Lots of new young blood on the pitch this year - this could shake up some old rivalries

[Sir M]

Freddy: Commit man, who should be the top say six?

[Freddy]

Can't say as I haven't seen the teams. If I weighed 450 pounds and shit my pants a bit more often than I currently do, I might have more of an opinion as I would have devised a magic formula to derrive these standings. But, I am still a fan of seeing people who can change the game on the field. Certainly the two teams undefeated have to be considered, especially SU who certainly deserves to be on the top from last year's consitent performance. But, like everyone at the top, everyone's gunning for you. I recall being ranked #1 last year for a week or two - oh the glory. Then like the stock market after the tech wreck we slid down to the middle of the ranked pack. Fair, unfair - hey, all I know is we didn't win the critical games. What I will say is that I think this year will be the most competitive in many years. I don't think there will be more than 1 weak team in the league. I will grow more of am opinion in a couple of weeks after facing SU and Metro Ford.

Freddy from Florida . . . out.

[Sir M]

Interesting observations Freddy. I especially find your reference to the markets intriguing. I, as early as last year, observed that some teams' performance seemed to be linked to the TSX 300's performance. For example, the index soared in early 2007 and broke the 14,000 benchmark. This is exactly when West Van went on their run in the Master's Cup, and Columbus resurrected their season. Surrey United started to sputter a bit at this time . Then, all of a sudden, a bit of a down turn with financial and tech stocks suffering, while the price of corn, winter wheat, and pork bellies flourished over in Chicago, and all of a sudden teams like Aldergrove and Surrey Rangers were beating teams like Westside and Columbus. Then, the index dips below 13,300 (a true barometer) and a big FF striker transfers yet again at the end of the 06/07 season back to the Valley, after coming to Vancouver, then the Valley, then Vancouver and I guess now the Valley. I predict this year, if interest rates stay low, and real estate prices continue to climb, especially in North Burnaby, you will see Columbus take the Provincial Cup, because as one of my little friends likes to say, "its all about the economy". In which case I suppose the aforementioned will transfer, again, over to this coming year's Provincial Cup Champs. Unless someone else wins it.

And always remember, don't fight the Fed.

And, never, ever, sell when there is blood on the streets.

[colemanj]

Interesting on a historical basis and as an Economics 817 grad a regression on a correctly developed algabraic matrix may show some trending -- especially the correlation between pork bellies and Rangers. Really though, maybe too general and limited on a game day predictive basis.

The theory lends itself to interesting game day correlations though... could a single team's game day performance be tied to a single correlating factor?

For example, take Firemen and weather (Kelowna showed to bet against firmen in hot dry weather) against BRM and weekly arrest figures (Sir M has shown the correlation in other threads): if it is hot and sunny, with low weekly arrests -- it is BRM in a walk. But throw in some rain and a lot of criminals busted on a Friday night, my money is on Fireman.

Now we just have to find a correlating factor for each team... I retreat to my Farmers Almanac for inspiration.

[Sir M]

ColemanJ: I am trying to get over this east of Alma thing, and you are not helping.

Seriously.

[colemanj]

I lived west of Alma for a number of years (5620 Kings Road), but crime was rampant -- had to move to West Van where we can contain activity better with bridges. Alma is just too narrow and hilly for a proper moat.

Quilchena is quite a ways east of Alma too, keep an eye on the Audi if you play there -- those guys playing frisbee aren't as innocent as they look.

Now that I think of it, wind is hard on frisbee players -- I wonder if that could be a coefficient for predicting Westside performance? I'll insert it into the algorithum and check...

[Sir M]

Speaking of West of Alma, and news from the VISL this year? I believe that that one of our WVFC players, Jim Easton, may have signed with VicWest. Who are the forces to be reckoned with from over there? It would be nice to include you guys in the rankings, but the new COO has cut back on staff's travel budget to Vancouver Island (something about over expenditures at the Pacific Buffet). So any input from over there would be appreciated.

[bandcamp]

Originally Posted by Sir M

Speaking of West of Alma, and news from the VISL this year? I believe that that one of our WVFC players, Jim Easton, may have signed with VicWest.

Think I heard he went to U Vic Masters but could be mistaken. They also picked up Gary Bryan. They will be strong...until they hit the lower mainland teams.

[Sir M]

Well he told me Vic West. And he told his brother the same thing. So, obviously there is some sort of cover-up going on.

I am going to get SMEPR staff member Kjell Brodsgaart (rumoured, much to the envy of The Human Chest, to have benched pressed the log, twice) to investigate. He will get to the bottom of this.

[moneyman]

Originally Posted by Sir M

Well.

It seems like a new business model will be used in the rankings this year. It will incorporating various forms of "motivation" for staff who had in the past taken advantage of their license to travel the world on Virgin (bit of a misnomer come to think of it when applied to staff member CDMTC Blonde) Air. Unfortunately, many SMEPR staff spent much of their time partying or eating at the buffet, when they were supposed to have been reporting on and evaluating Masters Football for these rankings . So, this new business model has been initiated. This, it is anticipated, should improve rankings efficiency. And as my German friends like to say, efficiency and accuracy are the wives of, and creativity the mistress of...success. And remember, a wife is an asset, and a mistress a liability. So my German friends say anyway. (They are a bit boring).

So, Sir M, after another in a series of partnerships where trusted partners were, well, underachieving, has employed a new Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings Chief Operating Officer (COO). He is a former NAIA hammer throw champion, former captain of the SFU (OK, I know that Sir M has stated in the past that there is no bona fide advanced learning institution east of Alma, but is now softening as the bottom line increasingly becomes a factor) track and field team (emphasis on "field") and Lytton Celtic Festival Caber Throw Champion, and renowned motivator. His name is "The Human Chest" (hereinafter referred to as "The Chest") . Credentials? Try this: he has eaten 24 hot dogs in one sitting, and can close grip bench press over 400 lbs, and covers his body in chalk and usually beats himself about the head before deadlifting 650 lbs, and has drank three super big gulps at one sitting, and has twice evacuated his bowels in his pants after a Schezchuan binge (once while bench pressing, and once while playing golf and hitting the ground an inch or two behind the ball if you can believe it), and finished his exercise activity each time. He is an expert motivator, and has already done some great work with SMEPR staff. So, as a result, week's ahead of schedule, Sir M is anticipating the debut edition of this season's rankings within the next 48-72 hours.

Further, in another effort by staff (The Chest actually) to enhance the customer service model embraced by us here at Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, we are publishing, for your consumption, reflection, and of course input, the 2006-2007 final rankings.

So, here you go, have a look at last year's final rankings. How should be teams ranked coming out of the gate? Staff value and will take into consideration your input.

Of course, and The Chest will echo this philosophy: this is not a democracy.

So have a look at last year's final rankings, and tell us what you think:



Stay tuned for the new rankings being rolled out by, The Chest advises, Wednesday, if not earlier.

Sir M the Lordship just a humble admirer here $$$MAN the multi-personality funloving Thunder Bankroller. Just my opinion and tell me what it is worth but i think we make the top 20 .Who says money doesn't buy happiness!!!!!!!!Rome is being built in Maple Ridge and here is how to spell Golden Ears Thunder.It's going to cost me lots in bonuses but it's worth it!

xoxo$$$MAN

[Sir M]

Well Moneyman, I have but one thing to say to anyone who tries to sway Sir M to give his or her team preference in the rankings by offering money or favours:

Please see my post of October 30, 2006:

Originally Posted by Sir M

FINALLY!!

Someone has figured out what really gets you moved up in the Rankings...

Since biblical times, bribery has been a powerful lobbying tool you know...

Staff advise this week's rankings should be posted in the next hour or two...

Oops sorry Mrs Sir M has changed plans for this eve...rankings not out tonight!

(My, honey that is a lovely shade of Chenille...)

Tomorrow I promise!

Sir M.

[Sir M]

Well, thanks to a new business model, and the resulting renewed work ethic of staff this year, it looks as if the rankings are being rolled out much earlier than in the past. (More importantly, Sir M doesn’t like being scolded by a guy called “Yoda”).

You may notice this year that many other less important leagues have taken on giving themselves rankings, or combined rankings, using Excel spreadsheets, algorithms, matrices and inferential calculus to mathematically evaluate each team’s performance. Here at the rankings, much like SCDMTC Blonde in high school (all 7 years of it) we don’t “do” math. But, what we have here, very much unlike Mrs. Sir M’s upper torso, is the real deal.

So, now it is time for the much awaited first edition of 2007-2008’s

Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings:

1. Surrey United (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 3). This perennial contender has started the year with two straight wins against tough sides: 1-0 over Sapp and 3-2 over West Van. They have also managed something SDMTC Blonde looks for every Thursday up at Cougar Karaoke: an insertion of youth. Away to Westside next. A tough test.

2. Peace Arch United (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: 10). Staff advises that this is a much improved side, significantly strengthening their position in goal and up front in the off season. Were unlucky to only get a tie with 11 men against the Provincial Champs in week one, and annihilated White Rock in week two, staff are reporting. Next up they are away to Abbotsford, who should be easy pickings.

3. Cliff Ave. United (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 17). The VMSL Div 1 champs have come out of the blocks in impressive fashion, defeating Masters Cup Champs West Van and an always feisty Wickham side in the process. Host Sapperton this weekend, a real test.

4. S.F.C. Rangers (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: 1). Again this season this side, last year’s BC Champs, has started slowly. Should be strong though this year: a rule change as to eligibility by the FVSL executive should benefit them. If they win the BCs, they should retain their player who seems each year to transfer over to whomever won the BCs the previous season. Aldergrove next at home, should be a good game.

5. Columbus F.C. (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 2). The Provincial Cup finalists have improved their lot this season, and started out with a tie against rivals Inter in week one, followed up by a thumping of PCOV in week two. Away to Metro Ford next, always a tough trip.

6. West Side (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 8). Another side that has inked a few of the players who were CATing with them last year. They defeated Wickham in week one, and drew against Sapperton last week. Unfortunately, no real home park thus far this year. Home to Surrey Utd this weekend, potential MOTW.

7. Coquitlam Metro Ford Wolves (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 4). A win and a draw in the first two weeks for this side. Host Columbus this week, and a win should move them up.

8. ICSF Inter (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 12). Staff had heard rumours that Inter was struggling for players and looking to partner with another team. Apparently things have been righted, as they have ground out back-to-back draws against quality sides in the first two weeks. Away to PCOV next, that could be a win.

9. Aldergrove United (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: 5). This side has capitalized on the strength of the Canadian dollar, have been filling up the tanks in the F350s in Lynden, and have started out with two straight wins against tough opponents. Like Mrs Sir M, they have all shut outs thus far this year. Tough game away to SFC in Newton next. Put “The Club” on the steering wheel for that one boys.

10. Portuguese Club of Vancouver (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: not ranked). Staff advise that this team is thus far very difficult to rank: an emphatic win in week one was followed up by an emphatic loss in week two. Sir M himself may have to make a trip over to The Drive for a glass of Mateus, and perhaps a bit of poker with staff member SCP and get the real scoop on this team. He may even braid his armpit hair for that trip. They host Inter this week.

11. Sapperton Rovers (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 11). Staff really like this team this year (although not personally), as they have brought some quality players on board from their Premier side. They have started slowly though (albeit with two tough draws to start the season). Should right the ship, staff advise. Away to Cliff Avenue next. A win will move them up in these rankings.

12. Vancouver Firefighters (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 9). Have lost a rent a striker to the Valley this year, but have added a fleet of foot left-footed former West Side player. Have had a slow start, with but one point to show for their first two games. Too much character not to do well though. Should pick up their first win of the year away to Cracovia this week, staff predict.

13. Sikh (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: not ranked). This team, staff advises, probably have some guys from the Sikh faith playing for them. First year in the Masters, and they find themselves tied for top of the table after two weeks. They host GEU next.

14. Golden Ears Thunder (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: not ranked). It appears that Moneyman, the Roman Abramovitch of Master’s football, has re-tooled this side and, as a result, after two weeks into the schedule, GEU sits in first place in the FVSL Masters Division. Rumour has it that he is close to a transfer deal which will bring FIFA player of the year candidate Barry Parno up to Harrison or wherever these guys live for a FVSL record sum. Away to Sikh next.

15. Mission Blues (FVSL. Last year’s final rank: not ranked). This team wears blue uniforms, which I do not think is a coincidence given their name and all. They have started the year with a win over DMU and a loss to Aldergrove. Away to the Mighty All Blacks next.

16. Wickham FC (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 19). This side has lost both of their games this season, but are actually a very good side. They play at West Van on Friday at Ambleside in a VMSL Masters Premier Derby match.

17. West Van FC (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: 6). West Van has also started, in typical fashion, with back to back losses to begin this season. They let three points slip away in the last 20 minutes last week out in Surrey. Staff have questions about this team’s character. They seem to be unable, or unwilling, to defend, (much unlike the Mrs in the marriage bed). Wickham at home next.

18. Cracovia (VMSL. Last year’s final rank: not ranked). Cracovia, newly promoted from Div 1, got thumped by 5 in week one by PCOV, but their tie against Metro Ford in week two puts them in the top twenty of these rankings.

19. Coveside F.C. (NCSL. Last year’s final rank: 14). Won their first game, coming back in the second half against the Lynn Valley Aztecas. Home next to arch-rival Nordic.

20. Norvan F.C. (NSCL. Last year’s final rank: 18). Tied their first game against Nordic, and had all of the play, staff report. Away to Seymour FC next.

So there you have it. Talk amongst yourselves. See you next week.

[Regs]

Great start to the year for the Excellent Rankings Sir M!

BRM accepts the challenge of being ranked #1 outta the gate and look forward to going the distance, much unlike Mrs Sir M by the sounds of it

[SCK]

Regs:

You guys are on fire! We expect a lot from you guys in your sophomore season...

Sir M. Struggling? Yes, but I see our compare are doing quite well. I am glad they decided to go on their own in North Burnaby.

If luck goes our way, we'll be signing a "quality" player that I know you like...even Hose will be surprised.

[Hose]

Sir M.
Are you kidding me with Cliff and Peace Arch in the top 5. Maybe you and the crew should stop smoking the clippings you found in some Surrey parking lot last weak. Very weak.............Very weak standings. Nice business Model "Copy and Paste 101"

[Sir M]

Oh my GOD, I am hurt now.

Seriously.