The Return of Lamar

[Lamar]

The Return of Lamar

Well Lamar seriously underestimated the influence that that Pretty Woman’s boyfriend look-a-like cop had with the judge. One year at Her Majesty’s pleasure is a long time for “borrowing” a Starbucks card - let Lamar tell you. … I’m back living with my twin brothers - funny how after the year we’ve been apart their resemblance to chipmunks stands out more than ever (they still have a thing for Ned Beatty if you must know).

In the year away you’ll be happy to know that Lamar has learned a few things (in addition to that Cindy Crawford’s exs look-a-like cop’s ability to persuade the judge that conjugal visits were a bad thing for Lamar to have…but I digress).

Lamar has learned how to use the computer (if you receive an email from a guy named ramaL telling you about a great ground floor opportunity stock to invest in, Lamar had nothing to do with it) and that it’s a lot easier to “borrow” intellectual capital than it is to “borrow” a coffee card (just ask all those guys lining the sides of the street in Beijing drinking tea they brought from home and selling CDs).

So in a blatant “borrowing” of intellectual capital – Lamar has created his own list of things – favorite posters – not to be confused though with Lamar’s other favorite posters like Farrah Fawcett circa 1976 or Bo Derek circa 1979.

For those of you not on this list – keep trying!!!

• Sir M – need Lamar say more – Lamar waits with baited breath (and no Lamar doesn’t sit around with a worm on his tongue) for a Sir M post. Sir M is the master of hyperbole, metaphor, analogy, allegory and the hackneyed phrase. Legend has it that he carries a pocket thesaurus (no – a thesaurus isn’t one of the new dinosaurs they’re proposing for Stanley Park). Top of the silver haired totem pole!

• Colemanj – before Lamar checked his Merriam (a dictionary not Lamar’s first wife and cousin or is that first cousin and wife), Lamar thought that Algorithm was a new band fronted by a former vice president (not Spiro Agnew) currently posing as an environmentalist. Colemanj has apparently studied Stats 101 – his challenge will be to fit multicollinearity and heteroscedasticity into a future post.

• Trece Verde – significant upgrade in the quality of posts since he changed his moniker (not what Colonel Klink used for eye wear – that’s a monacle). TV has shown the ability to post in both English and Spanish. His Beerz sign-off is a significant upgrade on the “Out” ending favored by many of less talent.

• Rangerforever – Although known to do more back peddling than the George W’s camp did after they failed surprisingly to find Saddam’s treasure trove of promised weaponry, Lamar always finds himself humming “Don’t worry, be happy” after reading a RF post.

• Coach – the second ace in the Ranger rotation, the Mayor of Strangerville is a former North Delta School District….punctuation champion……………….Coach…………has….perfected………the…art………….(enough dots and spaces already– I’m sure you get the idea) of self-incrimination followed by a swift denial of culpability due to the lateness of hours of the original self-incrimination. (Lamar will try this brilliant defense if he is ever confronted in court again by that Diane Keaton’s boytoy from Looking for Mr. Goodbar - look-a-like cop for “borrowing” something of his).

And at the bottom of Lamar’s list:

654. Moneyman – proving time and time again that not only can money not buy you love, it can’t buy you________________(you’re smart so fill in the blanks).
655. Taxman – has an odd Jerry/Newman unfilled obsession with the RollyPolly Ranger and even Lamar knows that buffet(t) has one t (unless you’re referring to the world’s third richest man but not the guy wasting away in Margaritaville).
656. Hose – boring…. and that’s just his name.
657. ‘67 Leaf championship team poster – for some odd reason Lamar unfavorably remembers this poster from the barber shop on W15th – next to the Legion - perhaps because the Leaf’s 67 cup run reminds Lamar of the bowl cut that he sported at the time.

Unrated– Ballbaby!

And from the where are they now file, Lamar wants to know:

Ou est Fastshow? – apparently his success setting up dinner parties for Kate Mosses exs and the saviour of Man City have moved him on to bigger and better things - lunching with Jose perhaps?

Out, over, ten-four, good-bye, au revoir, adios, ciao, beerz and a ta ta - must go - the twins have told me there’s a pole that’s just been rewired at the local park and we’ve got some work to do (some habits just never die)…..until then:

Lamar

[Freddy]

Asssyphinctersayswhat

[moneyman]

Well just flattered to make your list at least I'm ahead of Taxman. You are right Lamar money can't buy you love but it can buy you many escorts and a jury if you get in a jam. I think that is Happiness isn't it!


$$$MAN #654 and proud of it!

[Fat Monkey]

Great stuff Lamar!!!

I found myself smirking, grinning and a couple of times I evened guffawed. Well done.

[Sir M]

My personal favourite by far is Coach (or as he is now calling himself... Johnny Cochrane. I am serious). He came through in spades again last night on the FVSL Masters thread, 1009 (Pacific...or not) time I believe.

Curiously, Lamar's style sounds a lot like that of a swarthy good looking SU player of Spartan descent. CSI would, just to start, point out the font used by our now I am sure rehabilitated friend Lamar as evidence.

But what would I know.

Very,very funny stuff though.

[steve1234]

Can we assume whilst trying to narrow down the true identity of lamar that he is over 35 and plays footie, Otherwise this post would have recieved a shot from the big men by now.

[Sir M]

Safe assumption Stevie. This thread is in the Oldtimers and Masters section. But for you Detectives out there, have a look at this quote below. Note the font, the style and the foreshadowing.

http://www.takethepiss.com/forums/ne...reply&p=204227

So what do you think?

Is Ballbaby actually masquerading as Lamar?

Hmm.

(Disclaimer: This post is not intended to identify any TTPer personally.)

Any takers?

[rangerforever]

I definitely have a clue.
Not on the pitch but on this person's identity.

Taxman just emailed me whining about his popularity status dropping here as a result of Lamar's lashings.
You'd think Firemen had just played a cup game in Victoria or something for Christ's sakes.

MBE:
Your knock on Coach as OJ's former attorney is off on the 'self-proclaimed' bit.
Futbol gave him that handle and we jumped on board.
So tell your informant, those of multiple large digits of the feet variety, that jumping in and then out does not make someone a reliable source on the Rangers.


Backpeddlerforever

[Taxman]

Originally Posted by Rangerforever

Taxman just emailed me whining about his popularity status dropping here as a result of Lamar's lashings.
You'd think Firemen had just played a cup game in Victoria or something for Christ's sakes.

Interesting comments my "friend". I just took a look at the Western Canadian Championships to remind me of the complaints/whining you did about the ref, the wind, cold, and the one thing which really got to you ... that the corner flags reminded you of pizza slices and made you lose your concentration ....

I do feel sorry for you Buddy Coach - sounds like he will be going the way of Joe Torre based on what you told me about how the team feels about his decisions - all the victories in the playoffs and only one title ... perhaps he can give Moneyman a hand coaching "the Goo". I cannot believe you said he has a Mike Keenan attitude - I would have never guessed that.


As for Lamar - I believe it is a typo and should read "LameArse".

[rangerforever]

Originally Posted by Taxman

... that the corner flags reminded you of pizza slices and made you lose your concentration ....

Actually they remind me of your missus' skimp undies...

No quoting of 'private' email on how I feel about our coach Taxman?
Not this time eh?

Go fcuk yourself wee man and jump back into your rum bottle,

IronMikeKennoforever