The Conversation
Topic: West Van & Surrey United
Expected “West Van” locker room talk
q. “His name is Spiro?”
a. “Isn’t he the guy that does the fern patterns in the lattes at Café D’artigiano?”
“Yes, but speaking of coffee shops, when I was in Whistler last week, Rachel and I ran into Mel Gibson in the Starbucks in the Square. We had met at the Childrens Trust Fundraiser last year at the Griffiths, so we had a pleasant little chat. He’s really into some of the BC ice wines, so I arranged for a crate of Hainle Vineyard Estate Ice to be sent to him. Mel loved it, so he invited us up next weekend for a big dinner, he’s got some special chef – Spiro something coming in.” I can’t make it though because I’m going Heli-skiing in the Kootenays instead”
q. “Was Mel staying at the Four Seasons?
a. “No we were at the Four Seasons, in the President suite, Mel was staying in that place in Taluswood , you know the one last’s listed for $12.5 by that Greek realtor, Spiro something-or-other.”
A handsome well tanned West Van type walks in dressing room.
q. Great tan how was Bali?
a. I’ll never stay at the Ritz Carlton there again. They’re expanding, so the golf course was closed, the spa was also getting renovated. And to top it off Spiro the masseuse switched resorts so I had to have some very gay Columbian give me my daily rubdown and it had to be in my own room…. I’ve already fired my travel consultant.
q. “Did your kids get into Mulgrave?”
a. “Katarina decided on the membership at Hollyburn instead, so the kids are just going to stay at Collingwood. They’ve got a new teacher there, the kids are all raving about him, I think his name is Mr. Spiro something starts with a P.”
q. “My broker Spiro (I’ve told you about him before – he said to buy Nortel was a steal at $124) says Tim Hortons is a good buy at 32”. Did anyone buy any?
a “ Tim Hortons is so Surrey, why would I buy any of that, I only buy shares in companies where I shop.. .now if D’artigianos or Capers or Mark James went public… By the way is any one interested in a private placement for my neighbour’s copper company, they’ve got a property in Chile (in whispered tones) and have just gotten their assays back! Its called Spiro Metals Inc. and trades over-the-counter, its symbol is SIRM and its about to go to the moon.
And on it goes….
Actual “West Van” locker room talk ( cut and pasted from TTP)
An actual pre-Bcs conversation in Ambleside Changeroom A yesterday evening:
JAGS: "Sir M I see Ballbaby said you are a sly dog and sees through your questionable motives in The Excellent Power Rankings."
Dickens: "Who is Ballbaby anyway?"
Sir M: "His name is Spiro."
Bro: "Is he Greek?"
Sir M: "I think everyone named Spiro is Greek".
Luch: "Whats his last name?"
Jua: "His name is Spiro Agnew."
Dickens: "Spiro Agnew, I recognize that name."
Jua: "He played Italian league with us one year. Good guy."
Dickens: "I thought he was Greek?"
Spada: "I think he's a singer."
Sir M: "Listen knuckleheads. He is not a singer, he plays for Surrey U."
Spada: "So Spiro Agnew plays for Surrey?"
Sir M: "No! Spiro Agnew was the Vice President of the United States under Richard Nixon. He was front and center during Watergate, I watched it almost everyday on TV when I was a kid."
Luch:" I was one during Watergate..."
(Sigh...)
Expected “Surrey” locker room talk
mh – “Didn’t expect to see you today Spiro”.
sp – “The judge gave me home detention, right now the old lady is stuck on the couch with my ankle bracelet on watching Springer.- her ankles are as hairy as mine so the bailiff never noticed the difference”
mh – “I thought the bitch left you for her boss, man”
sp – “Her high-end boy friend boss from West Van dumped her so she’s back. Apparently his big stock deal was a bust, so he couldn’t afford her. I had to take her back: somebody’s got to look after my kids” The mothers of the other six, aren’t going to, especially since I haven’t paid them any money in like two years”
dm “ Hey those were nice wheels you were in Spiro, been down to the Sky Train station again?”
Beyman walks in the room.
kb “Sorry I’m late boys, some unwelcome visitors last night.”
ph “Did they get all your plants man?”
kb “Well lets just say the kids have a little more room to play in this morning, and it’ll be easier to sleep without all that humming going on though”
bc – “Speaking of Springer. Was that your wife and her sister on the show again last night Toby? Because if it was her she was looking pretty good, looks like she’d lost like eighty pounds, and her tits weren’t as saggy as they were at Rags barbeque last year. If that was her, that was quite the tatter she had on her back too. “Enter here” and the arrow pointing down are pretty classy man. Think I’m gonna get one of those on my old lady’s forehead”
Aves comes out of the can
tm “Hey Aves, bad news, Bayman got ripped off last night so no product today.”
mh “Hey Farqs can you come over to the trailer later, the roof is rusted in and I need somebody to help me weld a piece of tin into place. Right now there’s a piece of plastic in place …the bitch ain’t happy with the mildew that’s popping up all over the place. So I said “bitch maybe some of the mushrooms growing will be magic and you can get high for free …that way we won’t have to go up to the King George to work tonight.” The Ho said back to me – “what do you mean work it’s the only pleasure I get Fag”. So I popped her upside her pie hole – no dental plan where she works though (mh laughing) might open up a whole new set of customers for her though”
tc – “Any body want to buy some jewelry for their women. The usual guy I deal with is temporarily unavailable so I’ve got to move this stuff myself. Doug, I’ll give a nice chunk of gold for that S&W you were flashing about last week – what caliber was it again.”
And on it goes….
Actual “Surrey” locker room conversation and discussion
mh – “Spiro, thanks for that recommendation to Conrad Black’s Franklin Delano Roosevelt biography. I started reading it last night and it is terrific. Did you get Freakeconomics yet?”
sp– “Not yet, I’m still working on the T.S. Eliot you lent me.”
am - “Hey did anyone see Charlie Rose last night.?”
bc - “Who was on?”
am “Spiro Agnew’s daughter. She had some interesting observations about Richard Nixon, Vietnam and the Warren Commission”
mm “Did she talk much about Watergate?”
am “Well she had some interesting observations about the identity of Deep Throat and his new book. She also said that she had heard stories about there being certain adults now, who apparently spent large amounts of their teenage years watching the Watergate proceedings on television…quite the life eh for a teenage boy watching those proceedings, same guys probably spend lots of time now on the Internet. Anyway she went on to say that these men typically come from areas where all the movie theatres closed when they were children and were later turned into strip malls or night clubs”
sm “My wife’s sister lives in West Van and her analyst was telling her that a number of her patients suffer from this I think she said they call it Selective Internet Response Melancholia”
am “Never heard of it….Reeder, how was the wine-tasting last night?”
sr “A couple of nice vintages. Generally over-priced so I wasn’t a buyer. Speaking of over-priced did anyone buy any Tim Hortons?”
mh “Reeder, the fundamentals on Tim’s show it to be significantly over-priced at current levels. My technical charts for Tim’s when regressed on charts for when McDonalds sold Chipotles and when Krispy Kreme went public show that Tim’s moving average to be slightly ahead of Chipotles and behind Krispy Kremes. Krispy Kreme though is a technical anomaly so I wouldn’t pay much attention to it. I think the strategy at this time is to buy put options on Wendy’s and be a Tim buyer at nothing more than $24 – but whatever you do don’t buy private placements in Chilean copper plays”
mm “How do you think Harper’s handled the Softwood Lumber issue with the US so far?”
And on it goes…….
