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How women really view men

SC

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Jul 28, 2001
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did you ask the Mrs.?

deb or tiner might have a better grasp on the posed question!
+SC.0079centsworth:rolleyes:
 

Demolition

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The Password
A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password.
Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather
amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in..... p..e..n..i..s".

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

*****PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!
 

Fastshow

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Male/Female Dictionnary

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's bonnet.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
> >
LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.
> >
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing cricket without a box.
> >
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2
minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
weekend with your mates.

BUM (bum) n. female: The body part that every item of clothing
manufactured makes look bigger.
male: The organ for mooning (and
farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book, dinner with best mates.
male: Sex, preferably with two lesbians.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What women do while the man is shagging.






 

SC

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:rolleyes: Did you write this? I'll extend a PM to you about what I really think:eek:

Fasty,you'reallovertheplacethesedays;)
 

Fastshow

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wasn't me occifer.........

I didn't write it, no. Had I written it, it would have, naturally, been far more funny. Like a naval-themed picture of Dazza in his Meralomas regalia. Difficult to compete with such allegresse but we struggle on, regardless.

I look forward to reading your PM extension. I trust you continue to enjoy a healthy dose of PMS.
;)
 

Fastshow

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neato........

How Women Score Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES POINTS
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
in the snow +8
but return with beer -5
and no liners -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It's her cat -40

AT THE PARTY POINTS
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a work colleague -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -10
With breast implants -18

HER BIRTHDAY POINTS
You remember her birthday 0
You buy a card and flowers 0
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a pub +1
Okay, it is a pub -2
It's a pub, and it's all-you-can-eat night -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS POINTS
Go with a mate 0
The mate is happily married +1
The mate is single -7
Not for long - it's his Stag Night -10
He has a liking for Kings Cross establishments -50

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER POINTS
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
Its called Death Cop III -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE POINTS
You develop a noticeable beer gut -15
You develop a noticeable beer gut; exercise to get rid of It +10
You develop a noticeable beer gut and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, it doesn't matter, she has one too -800

THE BIG QUESTION POINTS
She asks, Does this dress make me look fat?
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, Where? -35
You reply, No, I think it's your **** -100
Any other response -20

COMMUNICATION POINTS
When she wants to talk about a problem
You listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
Your mind wanders to the football and you suddenly hear her saying well, what do you think I should do? -100
You have fallen asleep -200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH....... POINTS
You talk -100
You don't talk -150
You spend time with her -200
You don't spend time with her -500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself -700

 

Fastshow

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Newsflash........


DATE RAPE DRUG TARGETS MALES
(URP) - Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Men often awaken after being
given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are easier victims for this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly-affected, like-minded guys. For the nearest such support group near you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
 

Lupoman

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well.....

had a chat with Mrs. lupoman about the picture in the first posting, and after first asking how our holiday snaps from Wreck Beach got on TTP, assured me that absolutely yes, that is how women see men. Fcuk'em if they can't take a joke!

lupoman:wa:
 

Fastshow

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Jesus.........

What are you doing, man? This is no place for a woman, even whatever you've pulled. They're already posting about their footballing exploits because some loud mouth decided women should play football too and told them about TTP so they've moved in with their pretty colours and zany fonts and now this........ a woman in the sex thread. If this kind of equality nonsense carries on unabated they'll soon think they're as good as us. Get a grip, mate, for the good of mankind.
 

Lupoman

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Sorry Fasty.......

She walked into the room just as I logged on to the thread! Christ, she nearly took my head clean off! What was I supposed to? She said that if I didn't post that respose then SHE would post something and use my name. I had to throw myself on my sword, it was the only choice.

lupoman:eek:
 

revolutionary

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A couples Diary

1 - HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him
what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to
bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep I don't know what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.




2 - HIS DIARY
Today the Canucks lost, but at least I got laid.

*** well its not happening too often these days. but nonetheless***
 

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