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trece verde

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I couldn't make this up if I'd tried…..

Police hunting 'wild' cat missing from car

It's not a cheetah but owner believes it could still be danger

John Colebourn
The Province

Melody Yambao knew it was going to be a strange day when a customer walked in to the doughnut shop where she works and bought a sausage roll for an animal she thought might be a cheetah.

"We have really good sausage rolls here," Yambao said yesterday at the Robin's Donut Shop at 80th and King George. "There were two young men and they ordered a sausage roll and some water for the cat.

"We were trying to figure out if it was a cheetah or a leopard," she said. "That's why we noticed the cat. It was so big."

The case of the mistaken cheetah began when Maya Kendi of Kelowna reported to police Tuesday afternoon that her pet serval cat, Loki, was missing from a car she'd been living in that was parked in the 7200-block King George Highway.

The case got stranger when police learned yesterday that shortly after the serval was stolen, a Surrey bylaw officer unwittingly helped load the animal into a van for one of the thieves, mistakenly believing the man was the cat's owner.

"He knew the name of it and answered some questions and then she helped him get it into the van," said Surrey bylaw manager John Sherstone.

He said the officer confronted the man when she spotted him leading the animal down a street on a leash.

"Her concern was to get it off the street. Three hours later it was reported stolen," Sherstone said.

When police issued a public appeal about the cat Tuesday night, the big concern was that it could become vicious if it got hungry and "pose a threat to children," said Surrey RCMP spokesman Const Tim Shields.

Taking no chances, the Surrey School Board issued a warning to schools near where the cat went missing.

"To err on the side of caution we had the principals keep the children inside," said the school board's Muriel Wilson.

"We asked the principals to tell the students to walk in pairs and don't take shortcuts through the woods."

Wilson said supervisors will be on patrol again today around schools to ensure they are safe.

Shields said police believe the cat is being held by the two men seen at the doughnut shop. They are examining a videotape from the shop.

"We hope they will do the right thing, tie it to a pole and call police," he said.

Shields said anyone who saw the animal should leave it alone and call police.

Kendi told police the cheetah-like animal is tame but since it is on a special diet, the risk to the public will increase as he gets hungry.

"He's fine with me but it is a wild animal, you have to realize he will attack a child," she told BCTV News on Global yesterday. "He will go for a child, he's a wild animal."

Serval cats, which weigh between 14 and 20 kilograms, are in demand as exotic pets, said Peter Fricker of the Vancouver Humane Society.

Because the species is not endangered, there is no federal law banning importation or ownership of the exotic animal. Loki has been spotted on a leash over the past week around Surrey.

At Delanies Pub on King George, kitchen manager Guy Hanson said the owner brought the animal to their car show on Saturday. Also yesterday, Surrey RCMP announced that the car Kendi was living in with Loki was stolen and that she could face theft charges.

Kendi explained: "Everything's been stolen in Kelowna so I came down here just to get away and now my cat's been stolen so I'm a little irate."

Kelowna SPCA may be glad to have Loki off their backs. The cat was reported to them after it allegedly attacked and ate several domestic pets.
==============================================
This really takes a special kind of stupid....

Only in Surrey? Pity.

Stew:cool:
 

knvb

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Fastshow's bedroom

Who said Fastshow doesn't have a sensitive side?

A woman meets Fastshow in a bar. They talk, they connect, they
end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that he would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with Fastshow, they are lying there together in the afterglow the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" Fastshow says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
 

Keeper

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Overheard on the Airlines

There was an Air Canada flight with a somewhat "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

*******************

Upon landing, a Westjet stewardess was heard to say: "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

*******************

Also from Westjet: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane. So pay attention!"

*******************

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

*******************

As the Continental plane landed and was coming to a stop at La Guardia, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

*******************

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

*******************

From a Southwest Airlines flight crew member: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

*******************

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

*******************

The captain's dulcet tones droned over the plane's speakers: "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

*******************

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please use them to paddle to shore and feel free to take them home with our compliments."

*******************

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."

*******************

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed equally amongst the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

*******************

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

*******************

Heard from a flight attendant on a Westjet Airlines flight just after a very hard landing in Edmonton, Alberta: "That was quite a bump, and I now what you're all thinking ... I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault ... it was the asphalt."

*******************

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

*******************

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

*******************

A Canadian airline pilot wrote in his journal, a few years ago, that on one particular flight due to strong crosswinds, he had unfortunately hammered his ship onto the runway with a very hard greeting. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer on the flight to stand at the exit door while the passengers disembarked, to smile and repeat "Thanks for flying our airline." His comments indicated that, in light of the poor landing, he avoided eye contact with the passengers in an attempt to avoid any smart comments that might result. Finally there was only one little old lady left to exit the plane. Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she approached the awaiting first officer and said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

******************

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
 

Keeper

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My favourite: "If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite." :D
 

knvb

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Mine in no particular order from 1 to 4.
1.
Also from Westjet: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane. So pay attention!"
2.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please use them to paddle to shore and feel free to take them home with our compliments."
3.
The captain's dulcet tones droned over the plane's speakers: "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
4.
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
 

Whirlwind

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lawyer joke

Ask A Dumb Question...

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand-a-grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigotted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
 

simon

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Air Transat

one of my wife's friends, who is also a flight attendant, was working the trip down to Las Vegas. she is from Quebec so her english has that nice accent. anyway she was giving the message just after touchdown and she was tring to say:

"Welcome to Las Vegas... blah blah blah...have fun with the slots!"

it came out

"Welcome to Las Vegas.....have fun with the sluts"

the airplane apparently half filled with laughter and half "what did she just say????"
 

Jinky

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bulljive explained it to him.

bulljive gets jokes.

He can't spell but he claims he gets jokes.
 

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