An open question on a subject which affects us all.........
Yesterday afternoon at approximately 16:06, in an effort to (quite literally) piddle away the last of the working day, I went to have a piss. For context, you might wish to add the following to your list of facts in order to make a sensible and fully informed decision on your stance on this matter: I work with actuaries whose work encompasses the full gamut of exciting topics which range from a company's pension scheme and reinsurance to the setting up, implementation of, and policies of it's human resources department. Suffice it to say, there's never a dull moment in this office and you can only imagine the banter and excitement generated by a new Scalextrix catalogue or Dungeons and Dragons cheat.
So, walking into the Gents on the second floor I cannot help but notice a man (nowt odd about that in a Gents conveniences) stood having a piss. Whether this is relevant or not is yours to decide but every male in my office of 2,000 looks exactly the same. Were you to see any one of them in the pub it would be A). a very rare occasion and B). so utterly forgettable you wouldn't even register having seen him in the first place. The word bland is too racy an adjective with which to describe those with whom I work. The striking thing about this cnut was that he was standing with both hands behind his head while leaning back. To have a piss in a work's urinal. Fcuking twat. You're not sleeping rough on a lad's weekend in the woods after a full boozy session, you're at work and, frankly, your actions frighten the fcuk out of me. So, taking a wide berth of this frontbum, I made my way to the furthest possible urinal to see my own man about a horse. Did he arrest his fcuked up pissing technique? Did he bollocks and away he went with nary a care in the world despite the fact he was doing what, in my opinion, was socially unacceptable and, worst of all, extremely fcuked up and worrying.
Pissing as quickly as I could, I realised that this cnut's piss had come to a predictable conclusion and, having realised the same, the crazy munter lowered his arms with a flourish and began, and there is only one adjective I can use to describe what happened next, enthusiastically shaking his bell-end. Now, while I'll admit there are few things worse than rushing a piss and leaving with piss dribbling down yer trouser leg, is there really any need to shake for anything longer than five seconds? Time it, five seconds is a long time and, unless your fcuking foreskin is two foot long, anything longer than five seconds is excessive and entering the realm of wanking. I washed my hands and legged it the fcuk away and, although my own piss might have taken 30 seconds from beginning to end, he was still shaking away enthusiastically, seemingly oblivious to me, anyone else, and any and all social conventions.
TTP's Socially Acceptable Pissing Manifesto:
!). When pissing, stand with an open stance so as not to allow deviants from encroaching on your God-given pissing space.
2). Do what you're there for in as quickly and efficient a manner as possible. Have a piss and move on, there's nothing to see and even less to gain from loitering. Maximum time= 46 seconds.
3). Anything longer than five shakes when finished is perversion. There are stalls for such purposes. If you're fortunate and it's not engaged, the stall designed for spastics in wheelchairs affords privacy, comfort, as well as an ingenious alarm mechanism should your session be particularly robust and you suffer any injury.
4). Anything more than one shake while in the process of pissing is just wrong. Seek medical or psychological help and I'll fcuking have you if you get any on my shoes you sick bastard.
5). Always wash your hands when finished. Do not make eye contact with anyone else at any time. Conversations anywhere inside a works toilet are unnecessary and will lead to unfounded rumours, suggestions questioning your sexual inclination, and accusations in whispered tones to your peers. I'll see to that you strange fcuker.
Fcuking bastard needs a good talking to. Maybe I'll complain to HR.
Thoughts?
Yesterday afternoon at approximately 16:06, in an effort to (quite literally) piddle away the last of the working day, I went to have a piss. For context, you might wish to add the following to your list of facts in order to make a sensible and fully informed decision on your stance on this matter: I work with actuaries whose work encompasses the full gamut of exciting topics which range from a company's pension scheme and reinsurance to the setting up, implementation of, and policies of it's human resources department. Suffice it to say, there's never a dull moment in this office and you can only imagine the banter and excitement generated by a new Scalextrix catalogue or Dungeons and Dragons cheat.
So, walking into the Gents on the second floor I cannot help but notice a man (nowt odd about that in a Gents conveniences) stood having a piss. Whether this is relevant or not is yours to decide but every male in my office of 2,000 looks exactly the same. Were you to see any one of them in the pub it would be A). a very rare occasion and B). so utterly forgettable you wouldn't even register having seen him in the first place. The word bland is too racy an adjective with which to describe those with whom I work. The striking thing about this cnut was that he was standing with both hands behind his head while leaning back. To have a piss in a work's urinal. Fcuking twat. You're not sleeping rough on a lad's weekend in the woods after a full boozy session, you're at work and, frankly, your actions frighten the fcuk out of me. So, taking a wide berth of this frontbum, I made my way to the furthest possible urinal to see my own man about a horse. Did he arrest his fcuked up pissing technique? Did he bollocks and away he went with nary a care in the world despite the fact he was doing what, in my opinion, was socially unacceptable and, worst of all, extremely fcuked up and worrying.
Pissing as quickly as I could, I realised that this cnut's piss had come to a predictable conclusion and, having realised the same, the crazy munter lowered his arms with a flourish and began, and there is only one adjective I can use to describe what happened next, enthusiastically shaking his bell-end. Now, while I'll admit there are few things worse than rushing a piss and leaving with piss dribbling down yer trouser leg, is there really any need to shake for anything longer than five seconds? Time it, five seconds is a long time and, unless your fcuking foreskin is two foot long, anything longer than five seconds is excessive and entering the realm of wanking. I washed my hands and legged it the fcuk away and, although my own piss might have taken 30 seconds from beginning to end, he was still shaking away enthusiastically, seemingly oblivious to me, anyone else, and any and all social conventions.
TTP's Socially Acceptable Pissing Manifesto:
!). When pissing, stand with an open stance so as not to allow deviants from encroaching on your God-given pissing space.
2). Do what you're there for in as quickly and efficient a manner as possible. Have a piss and move on, there's nothing to see and even less to gain from loitering. Maximum time= 46 seconds.
3). Anything longer than five shakes when finished is perversion. There are stalls for such purposes. If you're fortunate and it's not engaged, the stall designed for spastics in wheelchairs affords privacy, comfort, as well as an ingenious alarm mechanism should your session be particularly robust and you suffer any injury.
4). Anything more than one shake while in the process of pissing is just wrong. Seek medical or psychological help and I'll fcuking have you if you get any on my shoes you sick bastard.
5). Always wash your hands when finished. Do not make eye contact with anyone else at any time. Conversations anywhere inside a works toilet are unnecessary and will lead to unfounded rumours, suggestions questioning your sexual inclination, and accusations in whispered tones to your peers. I'll see to that you strange fcuker.
Fcuking bastard needs a good talking to. Maybe I'll complain to HR.
Thoughts?
