The Things Kids Say

[Regs]

THE TRAIN DELAY

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train 'cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue: "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...."

 

[Keeper]

Times have changed

If you haven't had the fortune of seeing/hearing this yet . . . you'll bust a gut.

Bad Ass Boy Scout (mpg, 1.69mb)

Classic: "c'mon man, help a brother out."

 

[Keeper]

Here's the latest installment of the same kid; this time, serving up some beer on the corner.

Get your cold beer here. (.wmv 1.82mb)

 

[Reccos]

Keeper...great clips!!!!

I've been breaking up all day over the fat kid and his antics. Not to mention stopping work to show everyone these!!!

 

[Regs]

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

 

[Regs]

All figured out

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay then, how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

We'll use our allowance money... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and say "Well, we've been lucky so far... "

 

[SC]

Little Johnny, again

Little Johnny told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.
“Dead,” she was informed.
“How do you know?”, she asked.
“Because I pissed in his ear and he didn’t move,” said the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?”, cried the teacher in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssssst’ in his ear and he didn’t move”


I'm hoping this will brighten up Jimmy Holiday's pissy day (jj)

 

[Regs]

The Farm Boy

A little boy comes down to breakfast one morning. since they live on a farm, the mother asks if the little boy has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him "no breakfast until you do your chores."

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens...and
kicks a chicken! He goes to feed the cows...and kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs...and kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal? He asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick a pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smirk on his face and says....

"Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

 

[PNE]

A little boy sees his mother naked & pointing between her legs he asks "mum,what's that split you have there?"
Thinking quickly she replies"oh that's where your dad hit me with an axe"
"WOW"replies the boy"What a shot;right in the cnut!"

 

[Keeper]

Ahh, to be a kid again . . .

"I'm o.k.!"

 

[PNE]

A mother is baking a birthday cake one day when she realises that she has forgot to get any decorations for it.As she has no time to run down to the store she decides to use some small ballbearings from one of the kids games.After all they look exactly like the cake decorations that you buy in the store & the kids will swallow them whole anyway.So after dinner that evening the kids all have a piece of cake to celebrate the birthday.Then about 1/2 hour later her youngest son comes up to her & says
"mum guess what just happened"
"what?" she replies
"I just went pee-pee & I heard this ringing sound coming from the toilet bowl.What could it be?"
She thinks to herself 'this is obviously the ballbearings passing through his system'
"Oh don't worry sweetheart" she says"it will go away"
About 1/2 hour later her daughter comes over to her
"Mummy guess what just happened"
'I know what this is about thinks the mother'
"I just went pee-pee & I heard this ringing sound coming from the toilet bowl.What could it be?"
"Oh don't worry sweetheart"she replies"it will go away"
Then about 1/2 hour later her teenaged son comes racing into the room all hyper
"Mum ! Mum ! guess what ! guess what ! I just..."
"I know I know don't tell me"she says " you just went pee-pee..."
"No no no!" he interupts excitedly
"I've just had a wank & shot the cat!"

 

[Whipper]

Here is the Man Show kid up to it again.

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/product/film_info/0,3699,2425180,00.html?refsite=&sid=&cch=11

Check it out!

 

[Keeper]

Good find. After that, watch Catching Guys Checking Out Girls -- damn funny stuff.

 

[Keeper]

 

[Hands of Stone]

That HEAD Looks Familiar

It reminds me of a player from Peg, with all the Right "Moves".

HOS

 

[Regs]

Ahhh, but I'm way skinnier

~Regswhoguarantees2attemptsofthemovetoday.

 

[Yoda]

Not really

I thought it looked more like Sinnead O'Connor.

No?