Twas the night before before Christmas, as I made my
Final TTP posts
Not a creature was stirring, not even Phatanslow
The beers were stacked in the fridge with care
In hopes of Rangerforever soon would be there
The strippers were nestled all snug in there beds
With visions on spending $$$MANS money danced in there head
Sir M drinking Cognac and Taxman drinking Stella on tap
We were reminiscing of all the 2008 TTP crap
When out in my driveway, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bar to see what’s the matter
Away to the window, I strained to see
Couldn’t make it to the bathroom so out the window I did pee
The moon on the breast of the peed upon snow
I had written my name two stories below
But, what to my blood shot eyes should appear
A van full of TTP posters drinking Old Style beer
With a little old driver, so lively and quick
Taxman said hey I know that Prick
More belligerent then Coach his curses they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Now Scottyshell! Now Ballbaby
Now Whistleblower, and Dude
On , Coach ! On Blaze Army!
Hands of Stone why you so rude
To the top of the porch!
He stumbled into every wall
Now fcuk off! Fcuk off!
Fcuk off to all!
As the dry leaves out in the valley they do fly
When you run into a roadblock make sure that you lie!
So out to the Estates of $$$MAN they flew,
A van full of drunks, and Rangerforever too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
The dancing and singing of some one aloof
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney Rangerforever came with a mighty bound.
He was all dressed in fur, from his head to his foot,
He was wearing the Sihks teams tracksuit and taking a toot
A bundle full of empties he had flung on his back,
He looked like a crackhead on East Hastings opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled! His head not so hairy!
His cheeks were like roses, he wished he could play just like Barry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
For he just realized in his drunken stupor he was eating yellow snow!
The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he ran, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a jolly old elf
I laughed when I saw him , reminded me of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
He cleaned out the buffet even the bread
He spoke not a word , but went straight to his work,
And stole the rest of the beers, what a fcuking jerk
And giving me the middle finger from the side of his nose
And giving a nod off the couch when he rose.
He sprang to his van, to his team he gave a whistle
Away from the $$$MAN Estates they drove down thistle.
But I heard him exclaim,’ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and GEU Thunder your all right!”
