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USA Bashing

Regs

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Can you spare a dime?

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.


Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone.

He arrived in Toronto, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it said "10 cents per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"


The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call".
 

Fastshow

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true...........

FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SARCASM

SAN FRANCISCO- The British Newspaper The Daily Telegraph spoke to Jay Fullmer, 38, who became the first American to come to grips with the concept of sarcasm yesterday. 'It was weird,' Fullmer said, 'I was in London and, like, talking to this guy and it was raining and stuff and he said, like, great weather, or something like that.'

Said Fullmer, 'And I thought-wait a minute, it's like, no way is it great weather.'

Fullmer soon realised that the other man's 'mistake' was deliberate. 'This guy was pretty cool about it,' Fullmer said.

Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, planned to use irony himself in future. 'I'm like saying it all the time,' he said.

'Last weekend I was like grilling steaks and I like burned the crap out of them and I said, 'great weather.'


 

pump_it_up

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Canada vs USA

The list could go on but here are just a few sample items of why the canadian way of life is so superior:

BEER
Strippers
Health Care
Hockey
Fishing
Safety
We are liked all over the world
Lacrosse
Television channels
Drinking age

* maybe Smiles could add to the list since he claims to be American yet spends all his time up here
 

Guinness

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Good call... BUT I would add a couple of things!!!;)

-"HUH"???
-Zed NOT Zee!!!
-Buffet's are not neccessary :rolleyes:
-Weed:cool:
-Smiles wife!!!:D


And when we go on vacation, socks with sandals is a "Fo-Pah"!!!
 

Sandman

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Pump it....

don't get me wrong here I hope I don't come across as a turncoat.......I love Canada, I wouldn't live anywhere else in the world. IT IS The best place in the world...........however, regarding your list.......

Strippers - Have you ever been to Vegas?
Health Care - Know anbody waiting for surgery? I bet you do.
Fishing - Ever been Marlin fishing off the coast of Florida?
Lacrosse - Who the fcuk cares.
Television Channels - ESPN, MTV, HBO
Drinking age - Don't want to hang out with 19yr olds.

I just think your examples are a little debatable..........that's all.

Can'tspendmorethanfourdaysintheUSA
Sandman;)
 

Dude

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At least you didn't touch hockey...then we'd have to find you and kill you.;)

-We have beaver, they have bush.
-Cultural diversity vs. melting pot.
-Gun laws vs. the right to bear arms.
-French Canadian girls vs. Southern bells...both great in the sack. This calls for a 3-way.
-Beer that tastes like beer, not like having sex in a canoe (fcuking close to water).


Sandman...I guess you didn't drink until you were 21 out of choice, HUH?
 

pump_it_up

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Sandy Man

On the debatable issues:

Vegas - this is a good point however, how about puttin all the apples in one pot ! Everywhere else in the states the girls don't show shite

Lacrosse - you would start to care if you could compete with us

Fishing - ever caught a Sturgeon, or how about a Thompson River Steelhead, or how about any Pacific Salmon, what about a Helibut, or wait what about a 30 lb ling cod, hmmm.. maybe even a 6 foot blue shark off the west coast... you go spend a couple hundred yanky bucks... but have a look at all the top resorts off the coast of B.C and the waters are filled with Yank boats -- ???

T.V. - all you get is frickin game shows, and football channels, or Bush declaring who's next on the hit list.

* I respect how you didn't dare debat over hockey or beer !

:cool:
 

Guinness

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Beer???

They have that stuff in the States alright, too bad it's all imported...:D Molson, Labatts, Heiniken, Guinness and Stella could be considered beer, but that awful pish coloured shyte called Shlitz, coors, busch or Budweiser cannot!!! :rolleyes:


They probably don't even know what and when the World Junior tourney is??? GO CANADA GO!!!
 

Smiles

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VMSL

Coming from the U.S. some things need to be said about the VMSL. I know a lot of you take shots at the league and yes things could be better (going back to ten teams, etc.); but as a whole the league is great. If there was a better league in the U.S.; I would be playing in it but there is not. Some of the players in the league are absolutely brilliant. Some in our league would help MLS teams but there is the import rule which I disagree with which hurts the Canadian talent. I have to say I look forward to playing every week against the best around and I have to say it’s an absolute privilege to do so. The quality players, personalities, and desire to be successful in the league is really a magical situation that we should all be thankful for. The relationships in the soccer world I have made from SFU, Metro Ford, 86ers, Nations Cup (Team Germany), Surrey United, and players around the VMSL I truly cherish. In a not shell the grass is not greener on the other side of the border but unfortunately the money is. As you know money drives sport and this I feel is the only thing lacking in the Canadian system.


Things I like about Canada (short list):

Chicks = way hotter than the U.S. (Had to pick one up for myself).

Refs = as much as you guys complain about them have you ever had a U.S. Ref?

Nightlife = Very Nice. Pump it Strippers would be included in this category.

Money = my money goes a long way. GST Rebate at the border.


Things I don't like about Canada (short list):

Taxes = they make my wife pay ouch! That’s why we live in the U.S.

Drivers = Nightmare. Is it required that all driving schools have Chinese writing on the car? With all the land in Canada why not have five lane freeways?



Have great XMAS to all,

Smiles
 

Regs

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.

~Regs.
 

CDK

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This is a radio transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval vessel with Canadian authorities.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US naval ship. I say again, divert your course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, divert your course."
Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numberous support vessels. I demand that you change your course or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."
Canadians: "We are a lighthouse! Your Call!!


submitted by William Burns, South Queensferry
 

Fastshow

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*

My shock and awe tactic of showing the country that brought the world food delivered in a bucket for what it really is continues in earnest. I am waging a one-man war of anti-American rhetoric and left-wing propaganda.

Which is fcuking terrifying when you consider my personal politics generally lean to the right.

I don't think it any secret that I'm really just eaten up with envy........

Democracy at large........
 

Reccos

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Democracy and Freedom

Fastshow: That article is spot on.

One of the goals of the stateless terrorists is to have American freedoms taken away and what better way for terrorists to succeed than to have the country do it for you. I am not suggesting that there shouldn't be tighter controls on borders but it is now getting insane.

Today in the Vancouver press, there is a story about a US guy from Washington state wanting to bring a car (formerly a jet fighter plane) to Vancouver for the auto show. He plans to break a speed record on land with it. In advance of coming he phoned the border people about the car and he was told to ask the US State Department. They say it is some sort of dangerous weapon! This paranoia is bizarre.

Smiles: The US President should worry more about your economy than who the leader is in Iraq. Some lowlites for you:
* Feb.- 380,000 jobs lost in the US, the largest since 9-11.
* Air travel down 10%.
* Rising vacancy rates in hotels.
* A $400 billion deficit this year (not counting the war).
This might be reduced as the Senate voted 51-48 to cut the Bush tax cut for the rich by $350 billion, half of the give away.

That should be enough for a starter. But tell us. How on earth can the President justify tax cuts for the rich that put the economy into the largest deficits ever? Bush the younger is going to be judged as bad as President as his father. Both weak men in life who needed war to make something of themselves.

What is also most despicable is how VP Dick Cheney's former company has already got the contract to put out oil fires. Does that not suggest that something is wrong with democracy in America?

While the thought comes to mind. Canada fought from 1914 and 1939 in both World War 1 and 2. The US did not join those wars for whatever reason until later. So don't give us the argument about how we support you guys.

Maybe the isolationist America would be better than what we are seeing now.

Regime changes in the US and Great Britain may be the only answer to ensuring world peace.
 

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