What NOT to say

Dude

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THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror,
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of telling her characteristically that it is not so,
the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
”If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a
piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a
few seconds”.

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches the piece of toilet
paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between
her breasts.
”How long will this take?”, she asks.

”They’ll grow larger over a period of years”, he replies.

The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet
paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow
over the years?”

”Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk
again.....
 

SC

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FOREPLAY

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?" His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay."

The husband says, "No, not at all." His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?"

"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book." :rolleyes: :D
 

Fastshow

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£

< < > > > > > An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical,
> > > > > his wife tagging along.
> > > > > When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells
> > > > > the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample,
> > > > > and a sperm sample."
> > > > >
> > > > > The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife
> > > > > and yells, "He what? What did he say? What did he say? What does he want?"
> > > > > His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear, dear." > >
 

Fastshow

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truth......



Brian and Sarah are staying in a hotel and after a romantic
evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settle down, Brian(not quite ready for sleep) leans over and whispers softly "Hey snuggle boopy
doops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nighty-nighty yet."
Sarah takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Brian jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone, "Oh my
precious little honey bunny, is your noseywosey all righty?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.
Afterwards, Sarah goes off to the bathroom again, but on her
way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Brian looks over and grunts, "Clumsy bitch."
 
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