A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy

[5bigtoes]

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a c0cktail after work one
night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and
beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt
attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

"I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "Anything,
absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized, for fifty dollars. There's just one condition..."

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The women gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the
proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars.

She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash,
and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear...



"Clean... my... house."

 

[SC]

old lines, but these are MY fantasy

SureFire Pick-up Lines for guys:

1. Nice legs, what time do they open?
2. Do you work for UPS? Then why were you checking my package?
3. You've got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?
4. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
5. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
6. Oh! I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
7. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
8. You're not the best looking girl here but beauty is only a lightswitch away.
9. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, even further for that thing you do with your tongue.
10. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
11. Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later.
12. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
13. If I were the last man on earth and you were the last woman; we could do it in public.
14. I've lost my dog, can you help me find him? I think he wandered into this cheap motel room.

 

[Demolition]

Rejected Valentine Day cards

Subject: Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards


Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

 

[Yoda]

Fantasy

Isn't this every womans fantasy?





MyapologiestoRegsifthisisgoingtoofar

 

[CDK]

Every womans fantasy is an older Croat gentleman wearing a funny hat??

I'm no expert but I find that highly unlikely.

 

[SC]

you better...

take that case to court

but I'm no expert either

BTW Yoda, I think that goes under Superfudge freaks -and it has been posted before --nice -try hard

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, diedand

> went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you'vebeen
such
> a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your rewardis
you
> can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought aboutit
for a
> minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter tookArthur

> to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God,"Hey,

> aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," saidArthur,

> "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws inyour
invention.
> 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
> 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
> 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
> 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
> 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
> "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."God

> went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waitedfor

> the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God readit.
> "Well, it may be true that
> my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these
> numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

[SC]

Fantasy? (Not sure)

Unexpected ATM

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she
pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us,my
friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks
it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the
rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls
the guy over, and licks the bill.

I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived.Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's
egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning
as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

Then the woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the 80 bucks,
and went home.

 

[Fastshow]

man vs. woman quiz...

www.b3ta.com/femaleorshemale/

 

[the power]

Young mother nursed orphaned pups

A 23-year-old Norwegian woman who's been nursing her infant son suddenly found herself faced with 10 more hungry mouths when her dog died after giving birth to a large litter of puppies. She literally took them all to her breast.

"I just did what I felt was right," Kine Skiaker told newspaper Aftenposten.
The drama began when the Skiaker's Canarian Warren Hound (kanarihund). started having her puppies last Friday at Siggerud in Akershus, west of Oslo. The first puppy emerged without incident, but then the deliveries suddenly stopped.

Skiaker and her husband Ivar, sensing something was wrong, soon rushed their dog to a local veterinarian who quickly decided to perform a Caesarean section. In all, 14 puppies were born, but four died and then the mother died as well.

Faced with 10 helpless puppies, Skiaker defied the vet's advice against offering them her own milk. "Some of the puppies began to nurse right away, others needed some prodding," she says.

So far, Skiaker has nursed six of the puppies along with her own son, three-month-old Emil. The other four puppies seemed to respond to a dog's milk replacement product.

As the weekend progressed, the Skiakers managed to find foster-mothers (of the canine kind) for all the puppies. By Sunday, Skiaker and her husband managed to get a full night's sleep.


You just did what you felt was right? Wrong on so many levels.