Welcome to the TTP community

Be apart of something great, join today!

Premier Crap Website Write-ups

Regs

Staff member
Total Bastard
Jun 28, 2001
32,144
18,873
Tokens
16,266
Dirty Money
55,668
From the MetroFord website:

METRO-FORD WOLVES – PEGASUS FC 1-5: A year ago, the Wolves trounced Pegasus 7-1 early in the season in one of the most one-sided games in VMSL history. Oddly, Pegasus regrouped and made it to the Provincial Cup final. This year, the North Vancouver team avenged the one-sided loss by trouncing the Wolves 5-1 in a match played at Kinsman Stadium on Sunday. To their credit, the Wolves never stopped trying, even when they were reduced to 8 men due to 3 ejections. In fact, it was while playing with only 8 men that the Wolves scored their lone goal! Ken Strain scored for Metro-Ford, while defender Elliott Smith worked hard all game long in a losing cause.

I would hardly say that game a year ago was one of the most lopsided games in VMSL history. But whatever... I can't believe I told Jonesy I'd be nice on TTP when discussing what happened last weekend :D

Does anyone know if the VMSL president is also responsible with coming up with the MetroFord write-ups? I know he was at the game...

~TB
 

cside17

Better Bastard
Jul 20, 2001
996
149
Tokens
7,856
Dirty Money
3,304
Classic write-up

North Shore Coaches League

Great match report , from our own Paul Chapman. The province newspaper's sport's editor.

The three points Coveside took on Sunday qualify as nothing more than a silver lining. News that our left back, Mike Sunny Norris, was in hospital with a kidney ailment was compounded when one of the chief Blueridge hacks broke Robbie Paul's leg with a reckless, stupid and borderline criminal challenge that would have embarrassed Roy Keane with its thoughtlessness.
Aside from that, it was a great day for Coveside. The 3-1 win over Lower Lonsdale United (read Blueridge) moved CUFC to 4-0 on the season as they now look forward to a Thanksgiving break.

The team was missing several regulars, Sunny (hospital), Harp (babysitting), Al (sleeping, um sorry, working), Karim Ismail (pulled everything), and Paul Kellor. This meant that player/manager Bernie "Emergency" Ward was pressed into action at left back.

Things started brightly for Coveside as new signing Randy Ash fit in comfortably at the back with a great work rate, solid tackling and sure work in the air. Blueridge, who's lineup is filled with some of the North Shore's most diligent bottle collectors, used a strategy of run hard at everything and slide, even if it's a 10-90 ball. Sadly, it doesn't cover up for their lack of skill, and Craig Larson nearly made them pay for it five minutes in. A swift through pass from Randy Ash sent Larson in clear and he nearly tucked it into the far corner, only to have it nudged past the post. Larson's running paid off again soon after, as he intercepted a sloppy pass at the back, made a strong run, drew two defenders and the goalie, then he calmly slotted the ball over to Robbie Paul, who had time to tuck his shirt in, pull up his socks (to avoid a card of course), check the wind, turn around and yell at Russell, then toe punt the ball as hard as he could into the back of the net.

Filling in for Al Roberts, Russ Hennessey had several nasty runs at the back, unfortunately they were the kind that need immodium. Russ took great pleasure telling everyone before kickoff "if I run, I'll shite myself, I should play in a diaper". Now if Bernie's web post of "everything tastes better in the outdoors" wasn't enough to make you hurl, Russ in a Celtic top and a diaper should do it.

The lead was well deserved, but as Coveside left several other chances wanting, they were punished. A ball bounced around the box off Rusty and onto the foot of a Skid United forward. He blasted a strong shot from 8-yards out that the sloth like keeper never saw, he only heard.

Strangely, against the run of play, it was now 1-1, and in customary CUFC fashion, the heads hang a bit after equalization, and Coveside nearly went down 2-1 after the Skid United strategy of kick, run and slide, almost produced a breakaway when Russ did indeed crap himself, slipped on the droppings and sent a man through clean. Randy Johal quickly put things back on track. Larson went down, after another bad two-footed challenge, and while Blueridge ignored him lying on the ground like a pile of broken twigs, Randy seized the ball, beat three players, stopped the ball with his foot, dragged it back around his heel to beat the final defender and blasted the ball into the far side of the net so hard it tore a hole through the nylon. (There, Randy are you happy now?)

The team went into the half having weathered a short flurry and a blinding sun in their eyes and would now come out refreshed for the second half. While the onslaught of late challenges, accompanied with childish growling at times, came from Skid United, Coveside did well to keep things marked up at the back, and created some chances up front. A push up front by the midfield saw Larson slot the ball back to Robbie Paul, who had his shot scrambled away by the keeper, but Randy J. kept on it, chased it down, and again blasted a rocket into the empty net, 3-1 and the game was well in hand. Until the silliness started.

Robbie had the ball about 30-yards out with nearly 15 minutes left when Blueridge player/manager "Wayne" saw fit to lunge in from behind, studs up, right onto Robbie's leg. A loud pop was heard, Robbie dropped, and the dirty bastard was already walking off the field before he was shown a red card, well aware what he'd done.

(Begin editorial) I hope the bastard reads this, you have to wonder why, in an over-30s soccer league, it's worth doing that to a man who's now going to miss work and throw his household into disarray with a newborn child at home. Beyond bush league. (End editorial).

Thankfully, there were no cats stuck in trees, and Danni's Hard Drive was off line for repair, so Al and his firefighter buddies were on hand at the sideline and did wonders getting Robbie looked after. It's the most Al's ever contributed to the team, well done fella.

Coveside did well to keep things calm without going for retaliation. Though Jason Fisher apparently thought we were the team down a man as he couldn't find a single player to pass to on several of his wonderful one-man runs. Blueridge continued their kick and run strategy, but Ed Duynstee, Bryn Botham, Russ and Randy A. were solid at the back, especially on the long balls, and Andy Dudley did a fantastic job coming back to defend and move the ball up in transition. A fine effort, maximum points from the first four games.

Man of the match:
Robbie, for his fine goal and in honor of his injury. Oh just kidding Randy, you can have it for your two goals. How about co-men of the match.

Quote of the game:
Bernie: "Harp's babysitting so he can't play, he'll be here covered in drool and vomit." Pot, meet the kettle, Kettle, meet the pot.





For more match reports click here
 

Regs

Staff member
Total Bastard
Jun 28, 2001
32,144
18,873
Tokens
16,266
Dirty Money
55,668
  • Thread starter
  • Admin
  • #3
Cside,

Did PC program these names into his copy of Fifa 2001 on the Playstation2?

:D

~TB.
 

Members online

No members online now.

Your TTP Wallet

Tokens
0
Dirty Money
0
TTP Dollars
$0
Top