Inside the TTP Closet

[Jinky]

Thank you for your support, Fastshow!

World class. Very nearly dropped my Stoli and tonic.

 

[trece verde]

HOS -

Stephen King hasn't done much of anything, except the American book-buying public (now there's an oxymoron for you). Salman Rushdie is the ex-pat Indian rude enough to insult demented mullahs sufficiently to slap a fatwah on his arse just for telling tales out of Koran school.

Ian's a gentle soul who didn't realize what he was getting into, but he does now, and he does have an iron spine under a soft exterior. Mr. Freaky-deaky Dutch should have known better. There are 2 kinds of newbies on the block:

Type a) like Ian, who haven't read the FAQ on stuff like TTP, and venture innocently into the piranha tank. Not sporting to take potshots at 'em until they shoot first.

Type b) like the Star Chimp, full of attitude and mostly lacking in substance, who cheese off everybody they come into contact with. Free shots allowed at first sight.

knvb's a cnut.....

Back closer to topic, what's the deal with ring-tailed lemurs? I think I saw the one Smallsy's talking about in Kamloops; scary about the blender drinks.....

One more to add: "Reality TV" (Sorry Fasty, but I have to break "America" down into a few more components). No further explanation required....

beerz,

stew

 

[iandmcintyre]

Hello Everyone,

I've learned a lot today on this forum.

(1) "Hands of Stone" MAY know how to Read. I'm amazed that he knows who Steven King is though, because King does not write children's books. I doubt that "Hands of Stone" watches the news on TV unless there's porn to see. He's great at interrupting other people's conversations, too. He should practise his reading and read whole topics before sending SPAM messages to other users whose conversations he doesn't understand.

(2) "cerebral smallsy" and "jinky" make a great couple - they post messages together. I hear they have matching nose-rings, too.

(3) Rather than admit defeat to a greater intellect, "knvb" will continue to send insults to anyone who sends messages he doesn't understand. He has a lot in common with the EnergizerBunny - he keeps going and going, making more of a fool of himself as time goes on.

(4) Stew is right. I got caught off guard, but I'm on guard now.

Anyway, that's okay. It's fun to see how ring-tailed lemurs of the world interact online.

 

[Dude]

Hos,

Remember the time you thought you were sitting next to Salmahn Rustgie in the steam room? Good times…

For the closet:
· Terri Hatcher’s bra.
· Goat tits.
· The cnut who rented me a leaky two-bedroom condo with only one bedroom in the Bahamas.
· Pumping iron while running on treadmills.
· Chiropractors…unless they give me free bendy pens.
· Hobbits.
· Golf clubs that don’t shoot straight.
· Tony Hawks…I keep writing to him, and he keeps sending me these Fastshow type replies.
· Lemur tailored rings. Now those are dodgy.

Of course, political correctness has to go. I referred to KNVB as a cnut no less than 865 times, and for some reason he took offense.

 

[Hands of Stone]

(1) "Hands of Stone" MAY know how to Read.

Ian, TTP was started out of the Pegasus Forums that were a place to go and talk about local soccer and take the piss out of other local players, you may want to check out some of those posts.
That being the case, it does not matter how many years of Computer Experience you have or if you are a Land Pimp that can pump weights and run on a treadmill. What does matter is that you are an average to above average player in the Richmond 2nd Division (Capt. started out in the Richmond 3rd Div.) who is looking for indoor action because BeerBoyz FC is no longer.
We want to hear all your stories of soccer action from that prestigous league before any of your political views. Then we can do what TTP was intended to do, take the piss out of you and your teammates after you have lost to the Richmond All-Blacks or talk about the advanced techniques that you and your team do for training.

Regs, may be starting TTP Computer (for those that want to take the piss out of others computers) after he finishes up TTP jr, oh shitt did I let the cat out of the bag on jr again.

hos

 

[knvb]

...

he keeps going and going, making more of a fool of himself as time goes on.

Well said Pot. You've gone and had yourself probably the greatest first day of piss takes in TTP history, it's just too bad you no one let you in on it. I would say ask your mate Stew, but it's obvious he's no where close to getting it either.


PS. Something occurred to me just now and please, tell me if I'm wrong but, your name happen to be Ian D. McIntyre would it? It is isn't it? Mom didn't raise no fool. Very clever throwing the D in there to disguise the whole thing, I almost didn't get it...

Back on Topic then...

I would like to see metal ring note books with 3 holes punched in them locked in the closet forever. If you're leaving your work in the book why the 3 holes? If you want to put the paper in a 3 ring binder why not just use regular 3 ring paper? Even if you wanted to rip out the pages they have all those buggered edges. Senseless.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

HOS,

Get your facts straight. I started in division 4 in the Richmond League.


I would like to see players who play in the division 2 Richmond League put in the closet. I don't want to put our new member off the site or anything, but I hate someone showing me up by being able to do things like lift weights and run on a treadmill. For an hour! Now I know all real estate agents are honest fellows, but is there room in a that closet for them too?

Remember, IDM, your goal is to try and get to the Richmond Premier League because it is and always will be the best league in the province. Regs, any chance of directing IDM to the original threads from that? If not, no problem. May I suggest you spend 1 hour, 1 minute and 13 seconds every day in the gym? I found in my pre-Richmond Premier League training that the 1 hour just wasn't enough. Of course, that was some time ago, when I was the fittest I've ever been. I had to be to function in that league. Welcome aboard, IDM.

When you get a chance, Fasty, could you throw the fcuking Nevada Wolf Pack men's basketball team into the closet for costing me a 4 game combo last night? Fcukers.


Captain

 

[Jinky]

That was easily HOS' best post ever.

Good work fella.

 

[cerebral smallsy]

i actually thought it was hos' bestest grammatically correctest post...err...est ever.
spelled shite wrong though.

 

[iandmcintyre]

Dude, Hands of Stone, knvb, Captain Shamrock:

Thanks for the TTP and Soccer advice. I guess that I passed my 1st day on TTP? Now that I understand the idea behind this site, I will not get caught by the TTP.

I have no intention at stopping at Division 2 Richmond Soccer. Currently, the Rangers are in the middle of their second losing season in a row. If they don't start winning soon, I may be looking for a Richmond Division 1 team next year. Personally, I have lost 20 pounds over the past 2 years as part of my goal to improve my Soccer performance. Also, I did find an Indoor Soccer team to play with at Sportstown thanks to this site.

Talk to you later.
Ian

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Dude, Hands of Stone, knvb, Captain Shamrock:

Thanks for the TTP and Soccer advice. I guess that I passed my 1st day on TTP? Now that I understand the idea behind this site, I will not get caught by the TTP.

I have no intention at stopping at Division 2 Richmond Soccer. Currently, the Rangers are in the middle of their second losing season in a row. If they don't start winning soon, I may be looking for a Richmond Division 1 team next year. Personally, I have lost 20 pounds over the past 2 years as part of my goal to improve my Soccer performance. Also, I did find an Indoor Soccer team to play with at Sportstown thanks to this site.

Talk to you later.
Ian

Could you pass your secret on to me? I think I could afford to lose 20 pounds. Seriously.


Could you throw Michael Owen's agent into the closet please? The fcuker is saying that Owen has to be playing in the Champions League and if Liverpool doesn't get there this year, he is going elsewhere. Are you fcuking kidding? How many games has the cnut missed in the last 2 years? Fcuking bollocks.

 

[Fastshow]

There are 2 kinds of newbies on the block:

Type a) like Ian, who haven't read the FAQ on stuff like TTP, and venture innocently into the piranha tank. Not sporting to take potshots at 'em until they shoot first.

Type b) like the Star Chimp, full of attitude and mostly lacking in substance, who cheese off everybody they come into contact with. Free shots allowed at first sight.

Some more types could be added to your list, Stoo. Allow me.......

Type d) those who have been on TTP long enough to know what a pisstake is yet still, against all the laws of physics and scientific reason, don't. Like Jinky and Saint.

Type x) those who exist seemingly exclusively to revel in the discomfort and misfortune of others. Those who bask in the unyielding stupidity of their fellow man. Like knvb.

Type 2) those who believe the people who post on here are exactly as they are in real life and don't have any conception of poetic licence. Like Regs and Buckfast.

And Cerebral Smallsy.


Type) those who desperately want to believe that someone is properly taking the piss and, despite all evidence supporting the contrary, stitching someone up so convincingly and expertly that the rest of us would be falling about the floor in spasms of ecstacy once the proverbial was allowed out of the bag. Like Fastshow. Yesterday. And Salman Rushdie. Tomorrow.

Type Type) those like HoS. Like HoS.


Can we please try and keep this thread on topic please guys?

 

[Hands of Stone]

Type Type) those like HoS. Like HoS. [/font]

Fasty, I know that words can not describe what I bring to this site, I am just glad you didn't lump me in with knvb or dude.

As for where this thread is going, I only hope for Regs, that Dazza who runs this site doesn't read any of the shitt that knvb and I have been putting down, or else we might get banned and Regs would get fired by Dazza the great. I have sent dazza a pm to explain my actions, I think he would like us to ease up on Ian, he said we need more inteligent posters like him.

Back on topic, before I get in trouble again, I would like to add slushy snow and the aftermelt of a big snowfall to the closet, now I hate this stuff.

hos

 

[Guinness]

OK, I have read some of the posts previous, but being the lazy cnut that I am and not acquiring the proper reading skills as most Grade 5 kids did USSR it takes me too bloody long to not only look over the material, but actually comprehend it...
I figure IDM can maybe give me a run down of what has been going on in this thread since Fasty's conseption of the whole tossing tossers in the Closet idea... Well maybe after he gets home from the gym and has him protein shake??? (I too go to the gym occasionally, but am not the same dedicated mucker sippin' diet 7-UP "on the rocks" while the rest of the lads are 10 deep into the beer cooler)...

IMO we need to shove Fastshow's "type 2" in the closet!!!
"Type 2) those who believe the people who post on here are exactly as they are in real life and don't have any conception of poetic licence. Like Regs and Buckfast."

Fcuking midgets and balde people!!!

 

[knvb]

Thanks for the reminder


For Fastshow's closet these little overused symbols and the people who love them. I myself, have decided to take the year 04' off from using them and if they're locked in Fastshows garden pantry it'll make it all that much easier. Of course, I'll be using the patch. It's just easier when I'm swimming.
This one however can stay . I'm quite partial to it for some strange reason.

No Ian D today. Must have had a tragic weight lifting treadmill accident this morning. I know it's not very nice for me to think that and I'm sure if he was here he would tell me I'm just compensating for some hidden fears or for my superiority complex of real estate multi tasking treadmill using sales people. Shutter. Where is Johnny Obvious today, stew?

 

[Keeper]

Shutter

In this day and age of digital cameras, I think we can stuff old SLR camera noises into that closet as well. I shudder to think of them.

 

[knvb]

Malcontent

Well done, your first real post of the new year an it's not a link. Bravo sunshine. Shudder.

 

[Fastshow]

Re: Bastard emoticons.......

Sweet golden, screaming Jesus, you're right. In all the excitement of the last 24 hours I forgot about my deep-rooted hatred of those twatting things.

Listen to me; if people really need a fcuking cartoon smiley face to know whether or not someone's taking the piss on a website called takethepiss.com they have a few options; consider the abject level of piss-taking they are being subjected to........ consider their own humour failings and oversensitivity....... consider joining a gay porn chatroom in which, and I know this because Terry told me, everyone is very keen on getting on....... consider offing themselves at the earliest possible opportunity using a variety of garden tools and an electric cattle prod.

Emoticons and America will go Inside the TTP Closet at the first calling. There will be no further debate about either one though do feel free to carry on slagging off all things Septic Tank. I would bet all my money that the emoticon was invented by a fcuking yank to redress his compatriot's woeful irony imbalance, lack of humour, and thin skin.

Bring back the cane I say.

 

[Regs]

Re: Malcontent

Well done, your first real post of the new year an it's not a link. Bravo sunshine. Shudder.

#1) It's not Keeper's first post of the new year

#2) If anyone else of the apparent "inner circle" had posted the same thing, you would have taken the piss-take for what it was.

#3) The mis-conception of Keeper only posting links is fcuking retarded... if you can't enjoy what some TTPers do on the site, use your fcuking ignore list instead of retreading the same drivel over and over. It's tiring. Right Jinky?

Conspicuously absent,

~Regs.

 

[Fastshow]

Can we please try and stay on topic. Please? It's like dealing with a bunch of primary children. I mean, really.


Things were different around here before Dazza went on holiday. I'm pleased he's back soon, the inmates have taken over the asylum since he left......


And there is nothing wrong with retarded people.

Or spastics.