Just for Sid

[Dalglish]

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Shamus the co-pilot.
As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".
"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Shamus.

"Dis is gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna
see" said Paddy.

"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Shamus.

"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in
reverse" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

"And den ye put de flaps down straightaway" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said
Paddy

"I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves
and sweaty palms.

As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in
reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to
Mother
Mary with all of his soul.

Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the
plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway,

much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.

As they sat in the ****pit regaining their composure, Paddy looked
out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway.

Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but
look how fookin wide it is".

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An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking
about their sons. "My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born
on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."

"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman.
"Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake."

 

[Regs]

A good Irishman, Sean O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest at who could make the best toast.

Sean O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?" Sean said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, Sean!", Mary said.

The next day Mary ran into one of Sean's toasting buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Sean won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!"