Now that the season is unofficially finished with Indo/Akal wrapping up the 1B side, Primos going back to whence they came, and the 'Lomas preparing themselves for the playoff game, it's as good a time as any to start handing out the year's awards.
So, without further delay, here are the first of the (many more, I'm sure) Div 1B awards:
Underachievers of the Year
IFC Polonia
With all that individual talent, it’s a waste that they couldn’t put together a consistent string of “team-soccer”. When they’re on – they’re deadly. But too many times they weren’t and it cost them dearly in the standings.
Biggest Moaners
Tie: IFC Sarajevo & Meralomas SC
There were times when it was difficult to determine who was whining more: the Sarajevo players or their fans. However, if you were thick-skulled enough to ignore the cat-calls and moaning to the ref, the constant following of mystery snipers were enough to drive you out of your mind.
Whereas the Slavs complained each time they were on the ground, the Mermaids had an uncanny and unique ability to whine about virtually everything else. Invisible handballs, offsides, foul throws – it didn’t matter. If there was even a remote opportunity to pull out a whistle, they’d be on the ref about it. Next year, Div 2 teams may have to be worried about keeping their socks pulled up and putting away their jewellery.
The Hepburn Award for Most Class
Cliff Avenue
Despite enduring one of the most tragic events imaginable – the untimely passing and loss of Domenic – Cliff Avenue never failed to play with their hearts on their sleeves. They were always up for a competitive and clean match, getting stuck in for tough tackles but also giving a kind word to recognize a quality play and gentlemanly hand to help an opponent up.
Overconfidence Awards
WFC Rangers A for coughing up two valuable points in addition to the two leads they had against the Primos in a 3:3 draw. Sikh Temple for throwing away their last chance at promotion by losing a one-goal game to one of the biggest moaners in the division (see above). And City FC Blaze for their attitude (read: Playboi’s attitude) toward everybody.
The Matt Cooke Award (aka The Lunch-Pail Award)
Norvan Primos
Week after week, the Primos would be the first to arrive at the park, begin their callisthenics, tire themselves out in drill after drill, and then lose week after week*. The poor bastards will be the hardest workers again in Div 2 next year.
* Exception: see Overconfidence Award
Houdini Award
WFC Rangers A
For their seemingly magical disappearance between November and March, the Rangers amassed a grand total of 1 point out of a possible 15 only to return with a 6:1 lambasting of 3rd place Cliff Avenue.
New York Award
Sikh Temple
Possibly the most expensive 2nd place finish in VMSL history. Spending more money next year may get them the results they were looking for.
Worst Park of the Year (aka The VMSL Hates Us Award)
Connaught Park (Meralomas SC)
Although Strathcona Park was a strong contender for this award, the fact that Sarajevo were only doomed to be there for a portion of the season made Connaught Park the clear winner. This park is a disaster. The incline could have been tolerable had it not been for the egg-carton texture of the pitch. The smoothest of ground passes will meet your teammate anywhere between his knees and his shoulder – each time and each location, a crap-shoot. Meanwhile, don’t even think about getting good traction because the 70/30 mud/grass composition will gum up your cleats within 4 strides of cleaning them.
The Björk Award for Worst Kit of the Year
City FC Blaze
Obviously none of the money from their ever-hallowed summer league championship ever managed to find it’s way to Merkl’s Pro-Am Sports (mind the plug). Their 6’4”, 270 lb defenders brought new meaning to the term “tighty-whities”, and the rest of the team had more varied sock colours than Pippy Long-Stocking. If the shame they brought to the sanctity of the Imperial Cup wasn’t enough, it’ll be murder to have to see them again this summer.
Congratulations to all of this year’s winners.
Any 1A awards?
So, without further delay, here are the first of the (many more, I'm sure) Div 1B awards:
Underachievers of the Year
IFC Polonia
With all that individual talent, it’s a waste that they couldn’t put together a consistent string of “team-soccer”. When they’re on – they’re deadly. But too many times they weren’t and it cost them dearly in the standings.
Biggest Moaners
Tie: IFC Sarajevo & Meralomas SC
There were times when it was difficult to determine who was whining more: the Sarajevo players or their fans. However, if you were thick-skulled enough to ignore the cat-calls and moaning to the ref, the constant following of mystery snipers were enough to drive you out of your mind.
Whereas the Slavs complained each time they were on the ground, the Mermaids had an uncanny and unique ability to whine about virtually everything else. Invisible handballs, offsides, foul throws – it didn’t matter. If there was even a remote opportunity to pull out a whistle, they’d be on the ref about it. Next year, Div 2 teams may have to be worried about keeping their socks pulled up and putting away their jewellery.
The Hepburn Award for Most Class
Cliff Avenue
Despite enduring one of the most tragic events imaginable – the untimely passing and loss of Domenic – Cliff Avenue never failed to play with their hearts on their sleeves. They were always up for a competitive and clean match, getting stuck in for tough tackles but also giving a kind word to recognize a quality play and gentlemanly hand to help an opponent up.
Overconfidence Awards
WFC Rangers A for coughing up two valuable points in addition to the two leads they had against the Primos in a 3:3 draw. Sikh Temple for throwing away their last chance at promotion by losing a one-goal game to one of the biggest moaners in the division (see above). And City FC Blaze for their attitude (read: Playboi’s attitude) toward everybody.
The Matt Cooke Award (aka The Lunch-Pail Award)
Norvan Primos
Week after week, the Primos would be the first to arrive at the park, begin their callisthenics, tire themselves out in drill after drill, and then lose week after week*. The poor bastards will be the hardest workers again in Div 2 next year.
* Exception: see Overconfidence Award
Houdini Award
WFC Rangers A
For their seemingly magical disappearance between November and March, the Rangers amassed a grand total of 1 point out of a possible 15 only to return with a 6:1 lambasting of 3rd place Cliff Avenue.
New York Award
Sikh Temple
Possibly the most expensive 2nd place finish in VMSL history. Spending more money next year may get them the results they were looking for.
Worst Park of the Year (aka The VMSL Hates Us Award)
Connaught Park (Meralomas SC)
Although Strathcona Park was a strong contender for this award, the fact that Sarajevo were only doomed to be there for a portion of the season made Connaught Park the clear winner. This park is a disaster. The incline could have been tolerable had it not been for the egg-carton texture of the pitch. The smoothest of ground passes will meet your teammate anywhere between his knees and his shoulder – each time and each location, a crap-shoot. Meanwhile, don’t even think about getting good traction because the 70/30 mud/grass composition will gum up your cleats within 4 strides of cleaning them.
The Björk Award for Worst Kit of the Year
City FC Blaze
Obviously none of the money from their ever-hallowed summer league championship ever managed to find it’s way to Merkl’s Pro-Am Sports (mind the plug). Their 6’4”, 270 lb defenders brought new meaning to the term “tighty-whities”, and the rest of the team had more varied sock colours than Pippy Long-Stocking. If the shame they brought to the sanctity of the Imperial Cup wasn’t enough, it’ll be murder to have to see them again this summer.
Congratulations to all of this year’s winners.
Any 1A awards?
which lead to his teams last minute defeat 
