Coach and Son on same Soccer team !!!!!!!

[AMA]

Many coach,s volunteer countless hrs to soccer but for some reason quite a few neglect their own sons development in soccer.There,s very few coach,s whose sons are talented soccer players, maybe it because coach,s tend to put more pressure/criticism on their own son and often that pressure is brought into the home.
The poor kids are probably under more pressure than other players .
Theres also resentment from other players and parents if a coach gives his own son more playing time than he deserves.
In the interest of these young kids a father should probably not coach their own child starting from u10 level.
What u guys reckon on a coach/son role in kids/youth soccer

 

[Regs]

I grew up playing on a team where the coach's son AND manager's son played on the team... I think there was a lot of pressure on the kids though they did OK growing up.

Although the jury is still out on Reedie

 

[4thplacetrophy]

I hated having my dad as my coach when i was younger for the reasons you stated.

 

[Bifficus]

I would say good luck to finding coaches. I spent over two days trying to find coaches for the U11 house teams. In our district, this is when they start Gold levels, and it is very difficult finding coaches (forgetting about qualifications, abilities etc...) If I had not begged 3 parents to coach (they have since taking the ccc and ccy) 36 players would not have had a place to play.
While I agree that some coaches are harder on their own kids, some of them are incredibly good coaches (maybe they can separate the fact that it isn't professional soccer better).

 

[djones]

I would say good luck to finding coaches. I spent over two days trying to find coaches for the U11 house teams. In our district, this is when they start Gold levels, and it is very difficult finding coaches (forgetting about qualifications, abilities etc...) If I had not begged 3 parents to coach (they have since taking the ccc and ccy) 36 players would not have had a place to play.
While I agree that some coaches are harder on their own kids, some of them are incredibly good coaches (maybe they can separate the fact that it isn't professional soccer better).

Exactly!

 

[coach]

I sat back for two years and said i would never coach my son.

After watching two years of this nice qualified man do nothing to improve the kids level. I changed my mind and am now coaching Langley Youth.

I asked my son if he really wanted me to coach and told him flat out i would expect him to be a leader and work harder than ever.

So far so good...We have a great group of Kids and Parents and the kids level is constantly being challenged.

It's a tough call for many of us...I just got tired of seeing good players bored and not challenged enough.

Now they are stuck with me. Unlucky!

 

[Gaffa]

Parent coaches are as essential as goalposts and balls. You can't have youth soccer without them. End of.

 

[elbowroom]

Now they are stuck with me. Unlucky!

If your Dad is a good coach and has a interest in the game then all of the players will benefit. Your son will thrive on the fact that you're interested in his development and have taken the initiative to coach the team.

 

[4thplacetrophy]

If your Dad is a good coach and has a interest in the game then all of the players will benefit. Your son will thrive on the fact that you're interested in his development and have taken the initiative to coach the team.

Not true in every case, actually I don't know anyone who enjoyed having their own dad coach them here or England.

 

[girth]

What happens when the child gets older and the rest of the team is playing at a higher level than your son? Do you sit him down and let him know he is cut from the team? I would not look forward to this!

 

[Baldy]

First post (after 5 years of lurking).

You guys have serious problems with your kids.

My dad coached my brother's team through youth. As the older brother, I was always jealous that he didn't coach my team. When we hit our 20s, we played on the same team and we recruited my dad to coach us. It was great. The biggest problem was calling him "coach" not "dad". This was Div 1 Metro.

I have coached both my daughters. One for 12 years and one for 8 years. Frankly, they both would have quit soccer long ago if I wasn't coaching. They love having me as coach. One plays Bronze, one plays Gold. The level doesn't matter. It is the best father / daughter time that we have. I get to know their friends. I get to spend time with them. There are NO negatives!!

If you can't coach your own kid, then you (or your kid) has a problem and I pity you.

To me, this was worth my first post after 5 years of lurking!!!!!

Regs, please give me a "Thumbs Up".

 

[Captain Shamrock]

My Dad coached me..........though he never made me use my right foot. Hmmmmm.

I will NEVER coach my daughter's team. She is the goalie and I find myself being harder on her than ANYONE I have coached before and I'm not even coaching her. Granted she just started last year as an 11 year-old but I am too intense when it comes to my own child. I have a lot of patience for everyone else I coach though. Figure that out??????

 

[Regs]

Regs, please give me a "Thumbs Up".

Great first post - I can see the benefits of getting to know all your daughter's friends if they are 18 or so

On a serious note though, I'm not coaching right now and to be honest am struggling with the idea for all the reasons everyone has been posting - especially the ones Burnsie just stated. My boys are only 5 and 3 but I already find myself thinking when playing in the backyard "why are you guys running so uncoordinated?" - obviously they are not developed yet but that doesn't stop the thoughts in my head (thoughts, not voices).

This leads me to believe that if I were to coach my boys, it would be on the 'tough' side of the fence. And I don't want that for them.

Burnsie - could it be that you want them to make the right decisions when playing, decisions that came naturally to you on the pitch, but when they don't you just can't understand why? Or maybe they do make the same decisions and that scares you once they get old enough to hit the bars?

 

[bettermirror]

I would say good luck to finding coaches. I spent over two days trying to find coaches for the U11 house teams. In our district, this is when they start Gold levels, and it is very difficult finding coaches (forgetting about qualifications, abilities etc...) If I had not begged 3 parents to coach (they have since taking the ccc and ccy) 36 players would not have had a place to play.
While I agree that some coaches are harder on their own kids, some of them are incredibly good coaches (maybe they can separate the fact that it isn't professional soccer better).

I had the exact same issue. I have to BEG for coaches (eventually 2 stood-up to share the duties) despite my saying "your kids won't play if there is no coach!" and there in fact being parents with coaching experiencing who were keeping their mouths shut.

 

[bettermirror]

What happens when the child gets older and the rest of the team is playing at a higher level than your son? Do you sit him down and let him know he is cut from the team? I would not look forward to this!

An issue my former team is facing right now. I had been coaching for a few years. I left the team, and a parent-coach took over. His kid can't keep up this year yet is playing extended minutes and the team has to adjust for his failings....causing major problems in a team that had none!

But Gaffa is right...parent coaches are a requirement....almost unavoidable.

 

[Gaffa]

BM, Regs, Burnsie...

I tried not to coach at first which was fine until I saw who was going to coach. Regs you`ll find that then becomes the frustrating part. Its all well and good if your kid ends up with a decent coach but try standing on the sidelines at practice, saying nothing, whilst all the balls are still in the bag and the coach has 12 kids passing one ball around in a static circle for 15 mins. Having you guys stood on the sideline watching and not coaching is doing a disservice ALL the kids.

Ways to help get round the parent-son issue...

1. Have an assistant coach who interacts with your kid more than you do during practice.
2. Talk to your kid in the car on the way to and from practice about the practice.
3. Track all the kids game time to make sure ALL the kids are getting fair playing time.

Another problem you will run into if you don`t coach is the parent body finding out you are way more qualified to coach than the guy coaching. It will be fine if the team are doing well, but if they`re not parents will start to push you to get involved leaving the present coach in an embarrasing position. It can`t be any fun for a `dad`coach to be doing his best knowing your sat there watching...

Burnsie given your soccer background, your coaching achievements and the fact you teach for a living, I`d say its impossible for you NOT to coach your kids!



Things to ponder...

 

[djones]

As my kids will tell you, when they do poorly, the ride home can be really rough but when they do well, they get showered with praise that no other player on the team receives because of the amount of interaction that you have with your own child.

A good indicator to move away form your child's team is when the bad comments out numbers the good ones and they are turning to you, telling you to shut it in-front of other players during games or practice.

 

[knvb]

I coach my son's team and love it! I really enjoy the unique situation you get in seeing your child out-side of the normal day to day house stuff like messy rooms & kicking the crap out of his sister type thing. I think I've been privileged to see him grow up in a sporting perspective. He does stuff on the park that are beyond his maturity level at home and I'm glad I didn't/don't miss that. I think it would be harder for me to be objective to his play if I just watched as a fan to be honest.

I don't think I'm any harder on him than anyone else as a coach, but I do expect more from him than the others. A benefit to me I think is being a player (debatable) myself and being around the game long enough to know when he's having a stinker vs a good game and to have him off rather than on fighting it. Now, he's only 8 so playing time is easy to rotate at the moment.

I think as a youth coach you have to give 2 positives to 1 negative be it your kid or not, I'm with you Jonsey. You should be there to teach him his position not point out what he's doing wrong in that position. Anyway, I like to give him the choice every year if he wants a new coach or me to coach (mom asks) and as long as he wants me to coach I will.

 

[bulljive]

My dad coached me up until U14 which was the first level of metro. I think he stepped away at the perfect time as we won a provincial title and were the best team running for 4 or 5 years before he stopped. He left because he wanted me to get better coaching and not have the added pressure of having dad as a coach. Probably the perfect time to stop coaching your son because as a teenager I didn't want my parents around.
Luckily I was an excellent player in my early youth and there was never that pressure that I am only playing because my dad is the coach. Of course he was harder on me then other kids when I acted out but the moment soccer ended we didn't talk about it in the car ride home. It was did you have fun and lets get some lunch, I think that really helped as the line of dad and coach didn't get blurred. To share all those memories with your dad there by your side is a great thing and something we still talk about today.

 

[Bronco]

My boys are only 5 and 3 but I already find myself thinking when playing in the backyard "why are you guys running so uncoordinated?"

Well they are your boys aren't they?