Coach and Son on same Soccer team !!!!!!!

[johnnybluenose]

Though not Soccer, I think the discussion still applies to my Hockey as a youth.

My dad won the 3M Canada amateur coach of the year award one year coaching my Surrey Bantam AAA team. I grew up from the time I could walk to my first two years of organized hockey without Dad as coach. Then the two years of diabolical coaching had him frustrated and he started coaching. 9 straight years of coaching my elite, rep, superseries, winter, summer, etc teams including coaching now-NHL players was good for my dad, and he was a great coach for the parents and players. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it. i hated it that he was way harder on me than everyone else, not because he wanted too, because he needed to, to avoid the usual gossip of "Lil Johnnies only on the team because his dad is coach", he rode me, literally to the point that I considered quitting at 16 years old, that's when he stepped back and I started playing with another coach and dad just became a "gate swinger" and glorified on-the-bench cheerleader.

The good parts were that it was always separated, at least in my teenage years, of coach vs dad. It' hard though after you've had an awesome game and he lets you know it's still "not good enough"

 

[Dude]

As my kids will tell you, when they do poorly, the ride home can be really rough but when they do well, they get showered with praise that no other player on the team receives because of the amount of interaction that you have with your own child.

A good indicator to move away form your child's team is when the bad comments out numbers the good ones and they are turning to you, telling you to shut it in-front of other players during games or practice.

When mini Dude played, I coached him and loved it. Loved coaching him, and loved coaching other kids.

That said, I’ll fully admit that there were clashes. My son is EXTREMELY intense. Shocking, I know. He’s always been very demanding of himself, and that has never fully subsided. Now he’s better at controlling his emotions, but he’s tough on himself nonetheless. His demeanor in hockey can dramatically change shift by shift, based on what has happened on the ice. His coaches love it, as they’ve said they’ve never coached a more intense, passionate kid. One story I’ve told a lot about his BMX racing…about 18 months ago he was racing in Maple Ridge in the final weekend of a Western Canadian Series; the points were tight for the summer long series, with him in the lead only slightly. He knew the results he needed on the day to win the overall. In his first two races on the day, he didn’t quite get the results he needed to lock it up. In fact, in the second race, he placed 5th, and was now on the outside looking in for the championship. He needed to win the 3rd and final race of the day to win the championship. After crossing the line in that second race, he literally pointed to all the other kids in his class who were busy bumping fists and said “I’m going to kill you guys in the final moto!”

Now, I saw this, and of course pulled him aside to, erm, emphasise that sometime you can’t say what you’re thinking, especially when it involved threatening death. I also had to re-emphasise that good sportsmanship and handshakes are a must, and if you’re pissed off at yourself, control your emotions and shake hands. At my “request”, he went to each of the 7 other kids in his class and apologized.

Well, he did win the last race (by several bike lengths, wasn’t close), and did take home the championship. He was gracious on the podium, and I was very proud…but I’ll fully admit that inside, I absolutely love his fire and passion, even if it gets him in shite sometimes.

This long story brings me to our relationship as father coach / son: he had a very, very tough time just plain having fun. He could not dial back the intensity, and I am sure it was because he had higher expectations of himself in thinking I had those higher expectations of him. In many ways, I did (i.e.: he’d get it first if they were not focused in training, or not giving the effort required). Don’t get me wrong, we had a lot of fun, and towards the end of his days playing soccer, he was beginning to relax and become a very good little outside attacking back. But, as we neared the end of his U-9 season, the conflict between soccer and hockey was getting to be too frequent, and we asked him to make a choice. He had a great deal of trouble deciding. One day he asked his mom if I’d continue coaching w/ out him as a player, and she answered correctly “No, you dad is your coach because you play, he won’t coach w/ out you playing”. That weighed on him more, as he knew I loved coaching. Finally, we had a heart to heart where I told him his enjoyment of the sport is more important than anything, and whatever he chooses I’ll be 100% behind him. I’ll never forget his words: “Dad, I like soccer, but I love hockey”. And that was it. Our last day was very tough. He scored a goal, had a great game, etc (I think we beat your team, Heanjob ), and as we were walking to the truck, there were tears in his eyes. I know for certain those tears were not for what he’d miss playing the game, but for the special time we spent together on the pitch, no matter how much we were at each other’s throats some days.

I now coach my daughter, in our second year. Totally different. She would have certainly quit w/ out me stepping in. I stepped in for the exact same reasons Coach did, and was sitting out for the same reasons. It has made her a much better player, and has given us a great bond where we can be daddy / daughter, and my son and wife aren’t horning in on our time. She now loves the game, and works hard at it. We love the time together. Whenever she scores, she runs over to my sideline and hugs me, even though we have a rule that “Daddy isn’t daddy when he’s coaching, he’s Coach”.

So, my answer…every kid is different. There is no correct answer here, but I do know one thing for sure: the whole system of developing soccer players would fall apart w/ out parent coaches. There is NO WAY I am involved in coaching- at least while my kids are still in school- if my kids aren’t involved. Maybe I’ll coach after they head off to University and start their own careers…who knows. But I know that the vast majority of parents- weather qualified to coach or not- would not be involved if their kids weren’t.

 

[Polska]

Though not Soccer, I think the discussion still applies to my Hockey as a youth.

My dad won the 3M Canada amateur coach of the year award one year coaching my Surrey Bantam AAA team. I grew up from the time I could walk to my first two years of organized hockey without Dad as coach. Then the two years of diabolical coaching had him frustrated and he started coaching. 9 straight years of coaching my elite, rep, superseries, winter, summer, etc teams including coaching now-NHL players was good for my dad, and he was a great coach for the parents and players. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it. i hated it that he was way harder on me than everyone else, not because he wanted too, because he needed to, to avoid the usual gossip of "Lil Johnnies only on the team because his dad is coach", he rode me, literally to the point that I considered quitting at 16 years old, that's when he stepped back and I started playing with another coach and dad just became a "gate swinger" and glorified on-the-bench cheerleader.

The good parts were that it was always separated, at least in my teenage years, of coach vs dad. It' hard though after you've had an awesome game and he lets you know it's still "not good enough"

What time is it on at?

Lifetime Movie Network


FYI my dad's last game coaching me came after i used the corner flag to Javelin some punk kid from mission..

Ironically the EAGLE RIDGE WESTWOOD YOUTH SOCCER ASSOCIATION was never the same.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Great first post - I can see the benefits of getting to know all your daughter's friends if they are 18 or so

On a serious note though, I'm not coaching right now and to be honest am struggling with the idea for all the reasons everyone has been posting - especially the ones Burnsie just stated. My boys are only 5 and 3 but I already find myself thinking when playing in the backyard "why are you guys running so uncoordinated?" - obviously they are not developed yet but that doesn't stop the thoughts in my head (thoughts, not voices).

This leads me to believe that if I were to coach my boys, it would be on the 'tough' side of the fence. And I don't want that for them.

Burnsie - could it be that you want them to make the right decisions when playing, decisions that came naturally to you on the pitch, but when they don't you just can't understand why? Or maybe they do make the same decisions and that scares you once they get old enough to hit the bars?

Definitely a concern....

As for the decisions on the field not at all. Since she is a goalie it is funny how much you feel the pressure as a Dad. WTF? It's almost like everytime a goal goes in they are saying what kind of Dad is that?

I tell you what.....I'm not so quick to put the blame on goalies anymore.

 

[cloughie]

Aw Shucks a feel good story for kwismas!

 

[cloughie]

Boo Frikken Hoo!

 

[bulljive]

Cloughie ate his children, so he wouldn't understand.

 

[Dude]

Cloughie,

Before I respond to any post of yours going forward here on TTP, I need to understand the rules of engagement. Are you still a FVSL Administrator when you are posting here, or do you take that hat off? I.e.: when you initiate banter HERE, is it different than other means of communication where you initiate banter?

I just need to know; I don't want to have to appear in front of the FVSL discipline committee next week for anything I write here in response to you if you are wearing your FVSL Administrator hat.

Please advise.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Aw Shucks a feel good story for kwismas!

WTF are you on about now?

 

[Dude]

No clarrification from Cloughie, so I guess I'd better mind my Ps & Qs, so far as banter with him goes.

 

[cloughie]

Cloughie,

Before I respond to any post of yours going forward here on TTP, I need to understand the rules of engagement. Are you still a FVSL Administrator when you are posting here, or do you take that hat off? I.e.: when you initiate banter HERE, is it different than other means of communication where you initiate banter?

I just need to know; I don't want to have to appear in front of the FVSL discipline committee next week for anything I write here in response to you if you are wearing your FVSL Administrator hat.

Please advise.

You have a date with that committee on Jan 5th anyway, may as well fill your boots!

 

[Dude]

You have a date with that committee on Jan 5th anyway, may as well fill your boots!

That answers my question. I guess the hat never comes off for you, eh? It should be you filling your boots big man, you're the one who is bullet proof.

 

[sixfyv]

Erm... his VMSL premier team is sitting is 13th out of 14... hasn't won a game since mid October... and has managed to score 2 goals total in the last 7 games.

And you're calling him bulletproof?

 

[Dude]

That's like rain, on your wedding day.

 

[cloughie]

That's like rain, on your wedding day.

I have no axe to grind so let's leave it at that. Feel free to ttp me anytime. As 65 says I shouldn't be bulletproof with Sappertons record, easy for him to say shaggin balls on the sidelines oh that's right so are you!

 

[cloughie]

WTF are you on about now?

ttp is perfect for you, it's full of wannabe experts like you and Danny Jones, let's see his involved once his kids aren't playing!

 

[djones]

Ouch!

 

[Regs]

ttp is perfect for you, it's full of wannabe experts like you and Danny Jones, let's see his involved once his kids aren't playing!

Are you fcuking kidding me?

 

[cloughie]

Ouch!

Yeah good! Its about time somebody had a go at Mr Goodie 2 Shoes! Why not I say? Can't say I pick easy targets, I just think if your going to give opinions on how to fix the game in Canada at the highest level why don't you get in the trenches with the rest of the muckers and do something about it? I could write reams of shite about the game in Canada, so what? It's a moot subject as long as there's 2 major sports ahead of us in the country, Football and Hockey!

You were an excellent player and I'm sure your doing a great job coaching kids but I'm sick of listening to opinions from the cheap seats because people coach their kids, shut up and coach some strangers kids and then I'll listen. Of course maybe you do but my point stands for the general population, you were just my easy target!

 

[cloughie]

Are you fcuking kidding me?

Oh SNAP! Here we go, REGS is out from under the bed again! 1st your after wee Guinness, now its me? Why don't u mind your business there oh anointed 1! Ur probably another 1 that coaches ur kids, why do you constantly get involved in things that don't concern you? Grow up assface!