D.C.S. Weekly Rankings

[Captain Shamrock]

Actually........

I, Tilly Tompkins, have played 4 sanctioned matches. winning just one and losing 3. I will NOT be in charge of the weekly rankings because I am on the DCS circuit to do one thing; win. I can't be dealing with such trivialities on a weekly basis. I would like someone else to take over this task and do what the Executioner used to do. You must be honest and realise that the number one player was there because he deserved to be there. For now, Tilly is not even in the top 8 due to the 1 - 3 record on Wednesday.

Tilly

 

[Screw You Captain]

rankings

I suppose someone's got to do it... Double In, did you actually do some work today? I thought you'd be all over the rankings. Maybe you were too busy clogging your arteries to notice nobody's stepped up to the ochre, per se.

Here goes

1 Scud. His repeated thrashings of pre-retirement EX cannot, and will not be overlooked. How's the view from the top, Scud?

2. Double In. Missed his chance to deliver the knockout blow to EX in the twilight of his career. Poor decision.

3. Huuricane. Too good to omit despite absence. Needs to show this week.

4. One Dart. Looked good in splitting the night with our new champ.

5. Power. Dangerous. Be wary of extreme twirliness of flights. Raveen apparently uses a set in his act.

6. Total Package. Thanks for coming out. Lady Byng candidate.

7. Sidewinder. Cheers, eat some ovepriced food, stay in some overpriced lodging, drink some overpriced pints, and whistle at some toothless European birds for us.

8. Fastshow. Might I suggest you use some of your wit and guile to unerve your opponents? Hint: D/I is notoriously easy to knock off his game.

9. Tilly Tornado. Welcome to the bigs. Keep your head up and your hands off your ass (the occasional dry hump is alright, though...)

10. El Nino. Would've ranked you higher but I forgot you. Plus, I can't look at fcuking potatoes the same way anymore.

11. Bravedart. Shoddy attendance. One to watch.

** The DCS council of elders has decided to reject EX's retirement as champ. Feeling magniminous, however, they have awarded him a lifetime achievement award. Suck it up, Tilly.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Well done, Scud.

There are 8 members of the D.C.S. who should be keeping their head up. Tilly will be gunning for everyone, and quickly I might add.......

Tilly

BTW, Regs, is there any chance that I can add this little apple to my avatar instead of the Executioner mask? He is retired after all.....

 

[knvb]

I was to hung over from our after party bash at the Mirage. $2.00 doubles free poured should be outlawed on Sunday's.

It's funny I put myself at the top of the tables and it was like I kicked the Captain in the junk and the marry fairy French teacher does it and it's all good. How many cheese puff's platters did that spot cost you Scud? The Sad part is I can only now hope for my arch enemy One Dart to come on and back me up. The likely hood of that happening is about the same as Jinky switching to light mayonnaise.

You should leave the mask Captain that whirl wind picture of yours looks to much like how the X's career went .... Straight down the toilet. Tell me does Tilly at least drink while he plays? That Fcuking X's and his club soda's with a lime twist were really starting to wear thin on me.

I've been #2 to long to be ignored any longer. This is my week. Someone other than myself is going to give my title back.

 

[Screw You Captain]

I don't want to keep doing these rankings, but with limited activity this week, I will put a limited effort in.

No changes.

Even more amazing than Scud's achieving top status is his defending it. He split with the 3 challengers Wednesday, but will be in tough this week against a fuller squad.

In unrelated news, The Power appeared rattled in unsanctioned play Sunday night. The DCS's favourite cougar bait was unnerved by the 220 lb. cougar pursuing him with her husband looking on.

Or it could have been the poor decision on the 9th hole that cost us the golf tournament

 

[knvb]

This shall be the official D.C.S. rankings up to the "All Star" break we seem to be taking. With out a question there is none more deserving at #1......

1. Double In. - 9 month Iron man. Winning record is untouched ever since The Executioner retired.
2. One Dart - Has game and can hang with Double In as long as he hasn't been drinking.
3. The Power - Can beat his brother on a semi regular basis, but just can't put a good run together.
4. Sidewinder - Jet lagged or not he still thumped OD his first game back.
5. The Wet paper bag - Ever since his loss the Mrs. Zaurrini he has been on a tear in the D.C.S. Convincing wins in his début(sp) have vaulted the young rookie to unheard of heights.
6. Scud - He speaks and Teaches French to children. This is more a sympathy ranking for a former self proclaimed # 1
7. Tilly the tornado - Still to play a match in the D.C.S, but all scouting reports are good.
8. El Nino - To many no shows to be effective.
9. Hurricane - See above
10. Total Package - Does he play darts?
11. Fastshow - Did the Aldgate burn down?
    [/list=1]
    
    Can we all confirm the D.C.S. will re-start Wednesday June 12th?

 

[the power]

New and Improved

Here we go:

1. One Dart: Put his gameface on and came to play. Made quick work of all challengers. Especially Double In.
2. Tilly Tompkins: Yoga and meditation have paid off for the newcomer. Showed solid form - albeit unlucky not to have come away with a perfect record.
3. Sidewinder: Back from the British Isles, showed a little rust but good enough to dispatch Double In.
4. The Power: Grip problems led to a less than characteristic game. But since these rankings are made by me, here I am.
5. Bravedart: Sans bloodshot eyes and rainbow sweaters, forced to play with the house darts, struggled to put anything together. He was good enough, however, to send Double In packing.
6. Double In: Showed up late. Made excuses about music, service, and temperature. Got kicked by (nearly) everyone. Should have stayed in Surrey that night.
7-?: Doesn't matter because they chose not to show. Even though commitments were allegedly confirmed for Scud, Total Package, and El Nino, apparently they believe themselves above the DCS. Pitiful.
Looking forward to the venue shift to the Landing this week. Same bat time same bat channel?

 

[One Dart]

So many people...

To thank, where do I start. First off, Double In, I'd like to thank you accepting the thrashings that I dealt you on wednesday in such good spirit. How you kept your composure after being thrashed by sidewinder though, I will never know. Tilly, I'd like to thank you for providing me with some competition, I have no doubt however that had you stayed longer my record against you would definetly have evened. No question that being number one feels good. Now that the DCS is Executioner-less, OD will be looking forward to putting together an Executioner like run at the top.

 

[knvb]

Please spare me from anymore of this shite.

 

[knvb]

Here they are boys. The D.C.S. rankings for the first week of July. I suggest we move the rankings to a by-weekly format. Comments?

1. Sidewinder - Unbelievable to any and all who play, but the numbers speak for themselves. 6-2 last week and 5-4 the week before. 73% winning percentage.
2. One Dart. - Hasn't had to play any real contenders as of late and still finds new ways to lose. Quite possibly the shortest #1 stint in D.C.S history. The #2 spot is more of a pity ranking.
3. Tilly - No games last week due to drunkenness, but posted a Executioner esque 5-1 the week before.
4. Screw You / The Power share this weeks #4 spot- Screw you steady as he's always been, but if he brings Dude's horn to the Buck he'll drop of the list forever! The Power plays up to the level of his opponents and unfortunately for him all the good ones have be absent. 8-10 in the last two weeks.
5. Double In - No games = low ranking. Came out late and rusty 2 weeks ago and suffered some brutal ego bashing. Losing to almost all. Well, not The Power.
6. Bravedart - a sad, sad 2 -9. For a guy who wears the most God awful sweaters in the history of wool he still managed to mow OD's lawn and win a few games. He must be doing something right.
   [/list=1] To many major no-shows to mention the rest of the members.
   
   Congratulations Sidewinder on you first and (gulp) well deserved #1 status

 

[Home Brew]

Bi-weekly

Bi-weekly or even semi-annual rankings sit well with Sidewinder as long as he stays on top! Sidewinder.

 

[One Dart]

Just read on some official darts ranking website that the way the top players are ranked is based on points earned from various competitions. Maybe this is what the DCS needs to institute since we have not had rankings for some time. Rather than, as DI suggested a ways back, do we earn points by beating different players but we earn points based on our records at the end of the night. 10 for first 8 for second etc. Perhaps we could do it on a monthly basis and have a monthly number one ranked player. This would also penalize those who think that they are to good for the DCS and don't show up. What are people's thoughts?

 

[knvb]

I like it OD, but I can see a problem right off. Who do you determine as first, second, third etc.. on a given night? It usually ends up with chumps like Tilly(when he shows) having a Soda water and 4 games vs. Bradedart and leaving 4-0 when true players such as myself play on average 10 matches and may go 9-1.

Should there be a min/max game amount for all to qualify for that weeks points? I can see it working if everyone had to play each-other twice, with all other matches being friendly's. Perhaps we should call it before each matches diddle if it "counts" or not.

Good idea though.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Give it a rest......

Listen to the two of you pretending to know what you're talking about. The rankings should be very simple. Every week or month, they will start the same way:

1) TILLY TOMPKINS

After this, I don't care what system you guys want to use. You will always be looking up at Tilly, now that he has his darts AND he is back on his home turf, at the Buck. So get used to it, putzes. We may as well start the next rankings right now.....


1) TILLY "The Tornado" Tompkins

Now, One Dart, go study and Double In, go pretend to work.

Tilly the new number one

 

[Home Brew]

bollocks

bollocks toan occasional player giving himself the number 1 ranking when he cant even give players a return match.I think we should start a bring back the Executioner campaign.The Executioner was a true leader The executioner struck fear into the heart of opponents.Tilly on the other hand is just another player who happens to win more matches than he looses.Can you imagine entering a tournament with a captain named Tilly? No Sir. Bring back the Executioner! Sidewinder.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

1)Tilly "The Tornado" Tompkins
2)Putz
3)Putz
4)Putz
5)Putz
6)Putz
7)Putz
8)Putz.......

You get the idea. Tilly will be a better CHAMPION than the Executioner ever was.........Take that to the bank, Sidepoofter.


Tilly

 

[the power]

Tilly, are you drunk? Were you and sexualchocolate enjoying some ****tails over lunch? You've shown up about once in the last six weeks, about as often as a Double In victory. I believe Tilly's overall record is only 5-1. That's a paltry six matches (even Double In has beat me more times than that over the past two weeks ). I think the idea deserves further discussion, if you can pry yourself away from Willhill for an evening. Here, here, Sidewinder. Bring back Ex.

 

[Home Brew]

tilly the willy

The Executioner would never have backed out of a sunday session at the Buck.Nor would he have beaten the Sidewinder once an then had to leave!The Executoiner would have gone for the jugular and played until the rest of the D.C.S.membership went home in disaray or in tears.

IF THIS NONSENSE PERSISTS PERHAPS THE VIOLATIONS COMMITTEE WILL HAVE TO LEVY A FINE AGAINST TILLY.

Bring back the Executioner!

Sidewinder.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Rattled or what?

IF THIS NONSENSE PERSISTS PERHAPS THE VIOLATIONS COMMITTEE WILL HAVE TO LEVY A FINE AGAINST TILLY.

Now you want to fine me because I am the self-proclaimed number one player? Talk about paranoid. Gentlemen(I'm not sure why I used this word), you must get over the fact that the legend, Executioner, is a retired champion. Tilly is here to take over from him. As mentioned, I was a solid 5 - 1 last time, with the one loss coming when I was using fcuking Union Jack flights. On top of that, I was using Sidewinder's darts, which for some reason kept drawing towards the 18. When I used sufficient darts, I hammered all of you. Double In didn't show up because he knew I would have served his ass on a platter. Too fcuking easy. Tilly is finally coming out of his shell and is looking forward to lumping all you putzes on Wednesday. Hopefully, we can pull El Nino out of retirement too. I'm sure Janina misses him. I know we miss Janina's Bristols and bubbly personality.

Get used to this, lads......

one hundred and eeeeeeiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhhhtttttttttyyyyyyy




The Tornado

 

[knvb]

Tre-men-dous to have the Captain of old back, but the only ass and platter combo you'll be seeing on Wednesday will be me slapping mine and yelling yee haa after a win and OD's rib and wing combo.

Thank Pete that it's Pay-day on Wednesday especially if we're heading back to the Buck.Poor little Janina has probably had her Beemer reposed by now. God I hope it's cold.

Get used to this Tilly....


sssssssssstttttttttttttttuuuuuuufffffffffeeeeeeeedddddd!