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The best Simpsons' episodes and quotes
- Thread starter deb
- Start date
Apu makes amends for poisoning Homer.
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for
squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So
I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for
squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So
I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.
KINGSIZE HOMER
"Please press ANY KEY "
Homer: "Marge, where's the 'ANY KEY'"
________________________________________________
Homer: : I'm looking for something loose and billowy, something comfortable for my first day of work.
Salesman: : Work, huh? Let me guess. Computer programmer, computer magazine columnist, something with computers?
Homer: Well, I use a computer.
Salesman: [quietly, to self] Yeah, what's the connection? Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking. Well, sir, many of our clients find pants confining, so we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman: ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, unisheets, muslim body rolls, academic and judicial robes --
Homer: I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a
muumuu.
"Please press ANY KEY "
Homer: "Marge, where's the 'ANY KEY'"
________________________________________________
Homer: : I'm looking for something loose and billowy, something comfortable for my first day of work.
Salesman: : Work, huh? Let me guess. Computer programmer, computer magazine columnist, something with computers?
Homer: Well, I use a computer.
Salesman: [quietly, to self] Yeah, what's the connection? Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking. Well, sir, many of our clients find pants confining, so we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman: ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, unisheets, muslim body rolls, academic and judicial robes --
Homer: I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a
muumuu.
Captain Shamrock
Well-Known Member
From the same episode mentioned by SC
"Hey fatty, A Fridge Too Far is over in that theatre."
"I heard that guy's ass has its own zip code."
"Hey fatty, A Fridge Too Far is over in that theatre."
"I heard that guy's ass has its own zip code."
The entire town is at a meeting with an inspirational speaker. Bart is on the stage and is being praised for having a carefree innocent approach at life...speaker starts a chant, BE LIKE THE BOY, BE LIKE THE BOY.
"All the women in the crowd say it"
Women: "BE LIKE BOY...BE LIKE BOY"
All the men in the crowd say it"
Men: "BE LIKE BOY...BE LIKE BOY"
All the old folks in the back say it"
Old folks: "WE LIKE ROY...WE LIKE ROY"
"All the women in the crowd say it"
Women: "BE LIKE BOY...BE LIKE BOY"
All the men in the crowd say it"
Men: "BE LIKE BOY...BE LIKE BOY"
All the old folks in the back say it"
Old folks: "WE LIKE ROY...WE LIKE ROY"
Apu: I can't lie to myself, you know. I do miss my Kwik-E-Mart.
Lisa: Isn't there anything you can do to get your job back?
Apu: I must go to the head office and appeal my case.
Homer: I'm coming with you. I got you fired; it's the least I can do. Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing, but I'll go you one better and come along!
Lisa: Isn't there anything you can do to get your job back?
Apu: I must go to the head office and appeal my case.
Homer: I'm coming with you. I got you fired; it's the least I can do. Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing, but I'll go you one better and come along!
A couple gems...
Homer: Ahhh, what the hell are they doing here (Marge's sisters)? I thought we had a deal, they wouldn't come over after six and I'd stop eating your lipstick.
And another...
Bart: It's a beautiful day Milhouse, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them, at least that's my understanding.
Homer: Ahhh, what the hell are they doing here (Marge's sisters)? I thought we had a deal, they wouldn't come over after six and I'd stop eating your lipstick.
And another...
Bart: It's a beautiful day Milhouse, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them, at least that's my understanding.
proclaimers
apparently the proclaimers are going to be in an episode...(may have already shown in usa/can)
homer sings " I would drink 1000 beers" mmmmmm....beers
Happy Easter all....go the chocolate holiday!!!!mmmmmm..............chocolate
apparently the proclaimers are going to be in an episode...(may have already shown in usa/can)
homer sings " I would drink 1000 beers" mmmmmm....beers
Happy Easter all....go the chocolate holiday!!!!mmmmmm..............chocolate
HOMER SIMPSON HUMOR
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."
"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
"The strong must protect the sweet"
"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."
"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"
"D'oh!!!"
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
"God bless those pagans."
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
"Mmmm, free goo."
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"
"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"
"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."
"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
"The strong must protect the sweet"
"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."
"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"
"D'oh!!!"
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
"God bless those pagans."
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
"Mmmm, free goo."
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"
"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"
"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"
"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell
"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
''To Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."
"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
''To Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."
Captain Shamrock
Well-Known Member
No quotes at this time but......
Last night's episode was brilliant. This was the best episode in a long time. I like the idea of going to other countries and completely making fun of them. The scene in which Homer's thong kept riding up his crack was a classic. It brought tears to my eyes......
Captain
Last night's episode was brilliant. This was the best episode in a long time. I like the idea of going to other countries and completely making fun of them. The scene in which Homer's thong kept riding up his crack was a classic. It brought tears to my eyes......
Captain
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