USA Bashing

knvb

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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girls says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." The next little boys says: "My name is Andy and my dad is a mechanic." Then one little boy says: " My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men." The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his dad dances in a gay nude bar. He blushed and said, "I'm sorry, but my dad plays hockey for team USA, and I was just to embarrassed to say so."
 

Yankee

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Ouch!!!

That hurts 'cause it's true!

Wanna play a little basketball? No?

How about baseball? Can't compete with us either, huh?

There's always football and then...er...oh wait, you guys have the CFL . Never mind.

Well, your soccer team is obviously much better than ours. Right? Oh yeah, we beat you there, too.

Hmmmm. Good thing you play hockey or else your self esteem would be as low as your dollar.:D
 

TheRob

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Some Canadian Facts.

Perhaps you can tell us who the best player in the National League is, and where he comes from?

Two of the best players on your hockey team are Canadian.

The best player on the Dallas Mavericks is Canadian.

Jerome Pathon is Canadian.

I'd rather watch a 43-37 CFL thriller than a 6-3 NFL defensive borefest. That being said the Super Bowl was decent for a change.

The guy who scored the winning goal in the MLS Championship is.......you guessed, Canadian

The Canadian dollar is worth exactly $1 where TheRob spends it.:D
 

Yankee

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Weak, TheRob

Okay, let's review some facts.

The best player in the NHL? Maybe it's the scoring champion for the last four years. Hard to argue that, wouldn't you say? That would be Jaromir Jagr of the Czech Republic.

Two players on America's hockey team are Canadian? Deadmarsh is a born and raised Canadian. No question. Brett Hull was born in Canada but has spent a substantial part of his life in the U.S. The fact that he has dual citizenship just emphasizes the point. A few years ago, Canada didn't want him to play, the U.S. did. You do the math.

You will have to look long and hard (outside of Canada) to find anyone who thinks that Steve Nash is the best player in Dallas. Most people think that Dirk Nowitzki runs that show. You could make an argument for Michael Finley as well. Nash is a good player, but he's the only impact player from Canada in a 30 team league! Todd MacCullough(sp?) in Philly is okay, but he's like another Big Country.

Jerome Pathon? I don't hear much about him out west. I guess that's because he's not all that good. Again, in a 30 team league, you give me an example of one player. Not good enough.

The NFL rules could be changed to make the game more exciting, but tell me why all players in the CFL aspire to get to the NFL? Money, of course. Canada just doesn't have it.

The MLS is a second rate league. I doubt it will last three more years before folding. You also forgot to mention that the coach of the winning team is Canadian (Frank Yallop). Dwayne De Rosario is not a bad player, but he would never make it in a real league in Europe.

My dollar is worth $1.50 where I spend it.:D
 

Fastshow

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there's always one but at least this yank's not shouting (yet)...

I've always loved Frank Yallop's French-Canadian accent.
 

TheRob

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Yankee,

You make good points, but TheRob wasn't talking about the NHL when he said National League. He was refering to the National League in baseball.

Off to spend a couple of bucks.
 

knvb

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In a perfect Canada

In a perfect Canada you can leave your soccer bag in the back seat of your car without it getting stolen......:rolleyes:

TheRob are you spending those bucks on a new cell phone?
 

TheRob

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I'll bet Ranger took it.

Let's see, a new cell phone. Care card. Bank cards. Drivers License. 6 studs. Canadian National Team jersey.:rolleyes: Shin pads. White socks(prefferably addidas)

Lot's of fun.;)
 

Fastshow

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fcuking soap-dodging yank cnuts....

I can't believe the typecasting displayed by this yank 'reporter'. It's the equivalent of the rest of us wandering around thinking yanks are all loud mouthed, ignorant, vacuous, fcukwits with accents like sirens. Oh, I almost forgot, they are...


February 25, 2002 By Rick Telander Chicago Sun-Times Columnist SALT LAKE
CITY--

You gotta love those cuddly hosers from Up North, eh? When I called home, my
11-year-old son was singing "O Canada,'' and I couldn't blame him. It's a
simple song--a preschooler can handle the melody, and apparently the only
words are "O Canada'' and "We stand on guard for thee''--and you have to
admit the anthem looks so good coming out of Wayne Gretzky's mouth.
Especially when Janet Jones is clinging to his back.

You know the Canadians smoked us in hockey--men's and women's--and that is a
little like UCLA losing a doubleheader hoops game to the University of
Saskatoon. Well, not exactly, maybe. Canada did invent hockey. But with a
population about the same as New York state, Canada should be as serious a
threat to our big country as Lapland is to Russia.

Those northern people also beat our women in curling, en route to winning a
silver medal. Of course, we don't care about curling, and they do. When one
of their beloved female curlers died of cancer not long ago, the memorial
service was broadcast nationally on Canadian television.

But shouldn't we beat the Canucks (Webster's definition: "A Canadian;
especially a French Canadian") at anything that has moveable objects
involved, whether French, English or pig Latin is spoken during the event?

The trouble is, you can't get mad at Canadians. Anger directed north is like
anger directed at a slobbering St. Bernard. Just get the mop and pat its
head, and things will be fine.

Canada is the buffer between us and the Arctic Circle, a province of
Minnesota, the guardian of ponds and mosquitoes and bellowing moose. We have
Florida and Bruce Springsteen and real police. They have Manitoba and the
Barenaked Ladies and mounties in red coats and Dudley Do-Right hats.

It had been 50 years since the Canadian men had won an Olympic gold medal in
hockey. And the Canadian women had lost eight straight times to their United
States counterparts before whipping the haughty Americans on Thursday.

And so what we have in this deal is a kind of gentle payback. Did you know
we once invaded Canada? We did. In December 1775, we marched up there to
fight the British and were forced to scamper home after getting our butts
shellacked in Quebec. Soon after, for our punishment, agent Peter Jennings
was sent across the border and instructed to make the word "aboot" part of
the American lexicon.

I have to admit that I was stunned upon arriving in this western city to see
that the American Olympic team was wearing gear made by something or
somebody called "Roots". There on every American athlete's jacket and
sweatshirt, like a first name on a bowling shirt, was the word, "Roots". A
Canadian company, for God's sake. Apparently not Nike or Wilson or Spalding
or even Target or Walgreens could get it together, or stoop low enough, to
actually outfit our own people. What a great way to win a minor battle: Put
the big dummies in our clothes.

I wonder if the American press, so shrill and feverish in demanding
reparations for allegedly slighted Canadian pairs skaters Jamie Sale and
David Pelletier, would be so vocal now, knowing the danged Canadians kicked
our butts in the only team games we cared about. But again: How can you get
mad at these folks?

They're funny. They're unassuming. They're hardy. They're like Australians
living in places like Prince Rupert, without kangaroos. They're us, we like
to think. If we could handle the wolverines and tundras.

Canadian men's hockey leader Wayne Gretzky had complained about "American
propaganda", saying we southern media agents had somehow been mean to and
critical of the hosers' hockey and wanted nothing more than for them to
implode. I sat and listened to Wayne's rant, and I had no idea what he was
talking about. He said that if the Canadians had been as loutish as, say,
the Czech Republic players were to his own little precious annoyance, Theo
Fleury, the Canadians would be labeled "hooligans". Hooligans? What was
Wayne talking about? What is the least bit nasty about Labatt Blue or Fergie
Jenkins or snowshoes?

No, this was the Olympics that had almost everybody rooting for the folks
from the other side of the treeline. And it was the Olympics that made us
realize the Soviet Union is gone, the Cubans don't have a Winter team, the
Chinese are still figuring it out, the Berlin Wall is down, and the only
Evil Empire out there, so to speak, is us.

We're the bullies on the block, the strutters with the money and clout. And
guess what? Oh, Canada, you sweeties. You nicked us where it hurts.
 

Yankee

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I gotta admit; I don't know where this reporter is going.

Canadians, in general are pretty unassuming. But this is how an American grudgingly accepts that you kicked our asses. He makes fun of you.:rolleyes:

By the way TheRob, I think the best player in the National League is Barry Bonds, even though he is a cnut. Larry Walker is a good player, though. There are actually a few good Canadian players scattered throughout the league. Almost one for every hundred Americans.;)
 

Captain Shamrock

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Todd MacCullough(sp?) in Philly is okay, but he's like another Big Country.
Two problems here. Firstly, Todd MacCullough is playing in New Jersey and having a pretty good season. Secondly, he doesn't deserve to be insulted like that. No one in this world deserves that kind of abuse.

CaptainwhoisahugeBigCnutfan :rolleyes:
 

Regs

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For Yankee, Peter, and Smilies

A Canadian hockey fan, an American fan and a Swedish fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the alcohol, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:

"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Swede fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Swede fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The American fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the American fan crying.

The Canadian fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You support the greatest team in the world, your country has the best and most loyal hockey fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thanks, your most Royal highness", the Canadian replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

"Tie the American fan to my back so he can get his ass whooped again."
 

Sage

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yankee doodle

listen Tex, before you go bragging about how there's one good canadian player for every 30 teams etc etc, compare population sizes. I think we're doing well relative to how many more americans there are. And have you ever noticed that the rest of the world doesn't give a shite about how good the USA is in baseball, football etc. You're the only ones who call your teams "world champions" when they win their respective finals......don't the rest of the countries have to participate for there to be a world champ.


PS Can you name the only country to invade the US and burn down the White House?? You guessed it, it was us harmless canucks:D


PPS I wish you guys would quit sewing Mapleleafs on your backpacks when you go travelling........guess you want to be loved too EH :D
 

Dude

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To clarify

Brett Hull was born in Canada but has spent a substantial part of his life in the U.S. The fact that he has dual citizenship just emphasizes the point. A few years ago, Canada didn't want him to play, the U.S. did.
To clarify, Brett Hull spent the vast majority of his hockey playing youth in Canada, specifically BC. He wasn't good enough to get drafter to the Major Junior league and signed w/ Tier II Penticton, where he played 3 years before accepting a scholarship to a US NCAA school. I can't recall which school (Minnesota I think), but again, most US schools are Canadian coached.

Brett Hull owes Canada for everything he gained through hockey. He was never good enough to make our National Junior program, so the first thing he did was turncoat and accept a spot on the US team. The fact is, Brett Hull would have probably only made the Canadian team at one point in his career, and that was when he was scoring 80 goals in the NHL. He would not make the Canadian Olympic team that just won the gold.

Now for a joke, to keep on topic: Ever hear the one about the Yank that was two hours late because the escalator stopped?

:D
 

Fastshow

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.....

Axis of Evil

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.

"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils, best at being evil, we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.


Editted for the benefit of our simple cousins to the south... now they can follow along as well :eek:
 

peter

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Geez!

Fasty,

I'm not even going to bother trying to read that and not because I'm American either. I've noticed you've been getting progressively lazy in your paste jobs and the one above takes the cake.
 

peter

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Thanks TB!

Sorry about the grammar in the previous post as well, don't report me to the Captain...
 
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