BC Provincial Cup Masters: The Final

[Sir M]

Re: BC Provincial Cup Masters: Semi-Finals Banter and Predictions

For those of you who don't get Fox Sports World, TSN, or Sportsnet Pacific, West, Ontario, or East, do not have access to the FIFA website, read the papers, or are personal friends with Walks, KNVB, Mrs. Sir M, or SMEPR staffers Gerry Dobson and Carl Fletcher, it is a Columbus FC (VMSL, last week's ranking: 2) vs. SFC Rangers (FVSL, last week's ranking: 3) in the final over in Nanaimo on May 26.

After a marathon session with Excellent Rankings staff, and after much heated debate, it is has been decided that, this week, in lieu of Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, we are again rolling out the...

Sir M's In Depth Comparison of the Excellent Finalists.

First off, staff notes that both teams are hotter than you know who's temper when Sir M strolled in sans Audi at 11 last night and a couple hundred bucks lighter after saying he was going to pick up her Halcion prescription at 9 in the morning...Note to self, Sir M, if you have to be home before noon don't "drop by" for a coffee with Bailey's at Dickens', then grab a ride with Spada to CAP, then lunch and lose at pool at Cloverdale Station, then watch 2 and a half games, then racetrack (lose $150), and next Stevie M's for pints and 5 hours of foosball, (lose again, cut knuckles) then Spadas, Queen's Cross, (lose at video poker) watch one of your mates steal some bloke's motorcycle helmet and run around the pub chanting "look at me I'm a storm trooper!" while you cover your eyes and then walk of shame home 14 hours after you left the house... But enough of that now. More importantly, staff have come up with some comparisons of the two excellent finalists:

Columbus is 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to West Van in the process. 37 goals for, 14 goals against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Rovers, Nanaimo, UVic and Surrey United in their last four games.

Rangers are 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to GEU and Aldergrove in the process. 43 goals for, 16 against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Old Boys, Coveside, PAU, and Aldergrove in their last four games.

Goaltenders

Rangers: Tony is certainly solid in goal for SFC, and is a crowd favourite (although truth be told, not nearly as much as "man of the people" as they call him in Newton, Rangerforever). Or it could be Penner in the final, certainly an entertaining goaltender, actually worth the price of admission, some say. Staff now wonder about Rangerforever though: all of sudden he is running up front for this side. After Saturday's influential performance, staff are calling this big striker the Hernan Crespo of Master's football.

Columbus: Trevor Jones has been a welcome addition to Columbus this year to shore up their goaltending. It is unclear who the backup is for this side.

Edge: Rangers.


Defenders

Rangers: Baileys and Big Macs...but enough about Sir M's breakfast of yesterday. Surrey has a big and strong back line that is good in the air, and well organized. Are suspect when they are run at, staff report.

Columbus: F.Ciaccia is a proven leader in the back. Staff report that Belifiore is close to being back. Are relatively small, height-wise anyway, but form very much the build up for the attack for this team.

Edge: Rangers, unless Belifiore is fit. In that case, even.

Midfielders

Rangers: This side has a strong central midfield: Wilkensen is a very good distributor of the ball and Parno is a large person who runs marathons and plays hockey as well. The latter of the two is very fit, according to staff.

Columbus: Staff advise that this side has arguably the best midfield of Masters teams that train at Adanac. Both Sarge and Sal have been on fire of late.

Edge: Columbus

Forwards

Rangers: Futbol is still a force up front for this team, and no one can argue that his supporting cast of Coach, 5BT's, Rangerforever et al, are formidable and predatory attackers. Staff are concerned about the possibility of the reckless bald player who wears eye black getting sent off in the final, as he certainly dodged a bullet in the semi-final.

Columbus: #19 Kolbow is on a definite hot streak, having scored around 5 or 6 goals in this tournament. He (or Sarge) may have been the best player on the pitch in either game yesterday. Staff are concerned that Batista came off early, but having said that, Columbus were still extremely dangerous.

Edge: Columbus

Coaching

At the risk of upsetting the Columbus coach, who may or may not be Hose, Sir M is going to give the edge to SFC on this one, based on passion alone. Columbus do get a lot of coaching on the field by #10. Staff strongly recommend that Coach should coach in the final. From the sidelines.

Edge: Rangers

Intangibles:

Contrary to many fans' comments of yesterday: this game is the final. A classic matchup really: Columbus is vulnerable to teams that are good in the air, and that certainly describes Rangers. Rangers are vulnerable against teams that run at them, and that certainly describes Columbus. Both teams have won Provincial Cups in recent years, and both are definitely on a roll. And staff are going out on a limb here and predicting that this game will be more entertaining than last year's final. Staff, not unlike SCDMTC Blonde after a hot yoga class, are really struggling to separate the two. So, as a final deciding factor, staff are making the unprecedented move of deciding this one based on:

Best Hair:

Rangers: Pretty well everyone on this team is bald. And that is not a criticism, but that one guy with the moustache and the Biggs-like little tail at the back? Three words: Shave it off.

Columbus: There are a lot of salt and pepper (very dear to Sir M's heart) types on this team, the two Sarge brothers and Columbus' George Clooney lookalike in the back just to name a few. #19 has got an excellent sort of SCK hair thing going. But the star of the team is the barrel chested #9 (Sir M was going to say "Pussy" lookalike, but was appropriately cautioned by staff legal advisor Mrs. Gurps that this could be misinterpreted by some who may not be fans of The Sopranos) with the outstanding full head of hair appropriatley rinsed with Lupoman #3 (midnight).

Edge: Columbus

Sir M's Excellent Predicted BC Masters Champs:

Columbus F.C.

For the same reason that Milan (Nesta, Kaka, Maldini) beat Man U (John O'Shea, Wes Brown, Rooney ):

Way better hair.

Good luck to both teams.

 

[dickens_cider]

SirM... how were you feeling this morning? I noticed you started mixing your drinks trying to forget about your losses yesterday... Did you actually have a Fuzzy Navel shooter followed by tequila? it all started with a few different pints. Must have mixed well with the Hotdog at the track.
Sorry about the parking outside myplace. it is only 2 hours parking. I could have sworn it said 25 hour parking when I first looked and told you your Audi would be fine there.

nice job on the rankings!! I would have to agree, Columbus with the win but Coach getting best dressed.

PS... SirM, Spada said he would drive us over to watch the final and would have us back home safe and sound at a reasonable time the next day. so mrs. sirm should not worry.

 

[SCK]

Out of the provincials and I still get mentioned. Thank you Sir M. I guess you have some time on your hands as well...

Have to somewhat agree that Columbus should be the favourites. It would be nice to retain the B.C. title within the VMSL just like last year. If Hose plays, they lose however. I just hope the IT's have some legs left for our Nations Cup entry. Team Italia of course.

SCK

 

[Sir M]

SirM... how were you feeling this morning? I noticed you started mixing your drinks trying to forget about your losses yesterday... Did you actually have a Fuzzy Navel shooter followed by tequila? it all started with a few different pints.

Yes, thanks so much for that, both of you. Hoping to move back in from the garage soon, thankfully there is a laptop out here. Sir M’s stomach is only now recovering from yesterday’s festivities as outlined as follows…

Beers: (Knock, knock, knock): “Hey stomach, it’s just us beer here, no worries, you know us, just wanted to drop by you know, maybe hang out, play some darts, chill you know…”

Stomach: “I don’t know, its like 11 o’clock in the morning, and the guy upstairs needs to get some Halcion to Mrs. Neurosis…"

Beers: “Dude, listen, we don’t mean no harm, look who’s here, you know Bud Weiser, Canadian …(”take off, eh…”) , and you know Heineken… (”Hallo”…)

Stomach: “Ok, ok, come on in. Just keep it quiet”.

Heineken: “Welkom”.

So everything is going just fine, until sitting at Cloverdale Station, Stomach for some reason lets in the first shot...a bit of Scotch:

Scotch: Dee dee dee da dee (bagpipe music), "if you could let me in laddie, Rangerforever is my mate".

Stomach: “Ok. But only because the big guy is your friend. But keep it down.”

And then it starts: as soon as you let a shot in…trouble is right around the corner:

Scotch: “Hey Heineken ya wanker, your football team is shite…”

Then it all starts happening so fast…first Jagermeister,

“Wilkomen!”

Then of course Fuzzy Navel,

“Jeesus, a party, a party, look at all the costumeths!”

And then maybe Sake,

“Ho, big pahty in here! Hai!”

So now things are acting up a bit, but its still OK. But like any other party… word gets out. And the next guest is the one that always shows up at the end of the night:

Tequila (Knock, knock): “Come on meng, we just want to party. We won’t cause no trouble meng, we left the worm in the van…”

Stomach: “Ok, listen, you can come in but just the one of you.”

But of course, Tequila nevvverrr comes alone…

Tequila (after opening the back door for all of his friends): “Come on come on meng he’s not looking meng, come on in lets party…”

And next thing you know, its…

“Riva, riva undele, (blam, blam blam) riva parrttyyyy!”

And then, Stomach steps in:

“That’s it! Everybody out! No, not that way, the way you came in! And the air too!”



Tequila, "Come on meng, lets find anotherr party, this party sucks..."

 

[freddy]

What about the old hot dog from Granville Street? "I've been in here for 9 and a half years".

 

[sarge]

Regs,

great game on the weekend. I would have to say you should have stayed on the pitch. I'm not sure why BRM didn't play the young gun a full 90 in a semi final match. Where did you end up after the game?

Nutmegs 1 - Swivels 0 ....... thats the score that really counts!

 

[Regs]

Sarge,

A very good game by your lot, kudos to the WOPS on the game and the season!

The game had a feel of both teams taking turns in applying offensive pressure... I thought a turning point was during our first spell after a couple of close chances and hitting the bar, we didn't go at you a bit more harder - I heard a few moans happening between your players at that point and really thought you would 'unravel'. Obviously you didn't, regrouped, and came at us again.

I asked for a breather at the half. Didn't need that much time off but we have a lot of players and we have always tried to make sure everyone gets time. That being said, I wouldn't have asked to come off if I knew it would be that long

Typical Sarge goal to finish it though... great strike

As for Megs vs swivel... as I said during the game, you never give the fans what they want, you do what is right for the situation I knew you would try the meg on me at the top of the 18 which is why you went nowhere with it

After the game, I watched the other semi over by the ice creme trucks

Good luck in Nanaimo! We are up in Vernon this weekend for a tourney... I think Aldergrove is in it as well, we will play for the bronze!

Viva BRM!



Cheers,

~Regs.

PS. to the donkey(s) taking shots at us for playing in the VMSL this year - perhaps I should have given a true account of our pre-provincial match vs PAU where we fcuking hammerred you, you know, the one where you showed up with 9 players and we gave you a couple of ours to help out?

 

[Dude]

Sir M, the past two posts have solidified this thread as being the best of the 2006/07 season. Absolute classic, even if the second was blatant forgery.

I fully support the hair argument as being a tiebreaker. Based on that, I should be able to get myself rented as a hired gun once I'm 35.

BTW...if Coach wears the same thing as he did the last time I saw him (man-pris), he won't be winning best dressed.


Congrats to Rangers on their Eastern Conference Championship. I hope you didn't touch the trophy, Coach.

 

[Rangerforever]

Sir M, the past two posts have solidified this thread as being the best of the 2006/07 season. Absolute classic, even if the second was blatant forgery.

Must say without a doubt Sir M has outdone himself again and consistently shows us all what this site is all about in fine piss taking fashion.
Even if his predictions are inherently wrong all the time...
You and your Audi are all class mate.

Sir M:
With respect to striker with his little tail hair art at the back, bald striker with linebacker eye shadow has fully agreed to incur all costs on a makeover.
I believe Richie will accept after the BCs.
Something about a playoff tail.
And that doesn't mean the birds we hope to encounter in Nanaimo.

Sarge:
VERY nice finish.
Me hopes that was a once a year kind of thing.

Oh, and hair is HIGHLY over rated,
RF

 

[Skanky CDMTC Blonde]

Re: BC Provincial Cup Masters: Semi-Finals Banter and Predictions

watch one of your mates steal some bloke's motorcycle helmet and run around the pub chanting "look at me I'm a storm trooper!"

I was there if you didn't notice whaich I am sure that you did I was going to run around and say "look at me I'm a commando," but I didn't.

Staff, not unlike SCDMTC Blonde after a hot yoga class, are really struggling to separate the two. .

If that was meant to be funny or something I dont getit.

Bye boys off to Kelowna this weekend! Have fun.!

 

[Sir M]

Absolute classic, even if the second was blatant forgery.

Dude, forgery is a strong word. I prefer to think of it as artistic license, or if we have to compromise, plagiarism. I could settle for that.

And give Sir M a break here, its hard to live in a garage (still).

 

[colemanj]

I was going to stick with luck differentiating the teams, but as that seems to stick in Sarge's craw, it will have to be hair. Looking back to the Victoria/Columbus game, Victoria had a number of hair challenges -- not the least of in goal, and when Dante came out of the game with his Gere like coif, they came definitely came apart at the seams. This hair theory appears to have statistical evidence backing it up.

Rangers definitely have some team hair growing to do in the next few days -- can they come out long and strong enough? I don't know if even a Pepecia enhanced rat-tail can win the day though, there is some good strong hair on the Columbus side. Come to think of it, it is a genetic heritage -- even on the old boys, no bald members (unless you count Rocco in some, well really most, cross-wind situations) and years of success on the field.

My advice to Coach is to start the hairiest side possible, resorting to body hair indexing in the second half if necessary.

My advice to Columbus; I really like the Fructis products and I suggest an extra treatment on conditioner on game day.

Here's to no split ends appearing on the field or at the Sticky Wicket this weekend. Love to make an appearance on an island grassy knoll with the Bear Cubs, but will be in Velletri this weekend with Gino, Rocco and the boys admiring a whole country of nice hair and sunny, warm hills -- why does that suddenly remind me of SCDMTC Blonde?

ciao

 

[Taxman]

Re: BC Provincial Cup Masters: Semi-Finals Banter and Predictions

was r f playing a 1-5-4

No - RF plays at 254 - and that is being kind ....

 

[Taxman]

Re: BC Provincial Cup Masters: Semi-Finals Banter and Predictions

Well done Rangers!

Coach,RF,Fox and the crew congrats on making the final.Can anybody beat Izatt in the air-no,will anybody keep up with Barry?Shuey is a hand full,wilky will be spraying the ball around,I can guarantee Baily and Big Mac the best centre backs in the league will keep a clean sheet.Its a no brainer,Coach put the champagne on ice.I'll see you guys in Winnipeg for thanksgiving when you look to win back the Westerns. Just an opinion maybe a little biased.

... Like RF will make it past all that beef in Alberta ... Columbus will win

 

[Dude]

Gotta love those 7 day long weekends, hey SCDMTC Blonde?

SirM...I'll give artistc license. Keep 'em coming.

 

[thebigkahuna]

After enjoying the dismissal of the BRM and drinking all of their pints it is good to reflect on Columbus' methodical dismantling of the Slurrey boys.

Columbus has to be the best team in the province, not to mention organization. To top it off, their left back's tan, lid and hair colour is unprecedented. Any team that can sport white boots to match their salt and pepper lids is by far a dominant team.

Sir M, do you own white boots? With your hair colour, I'm anticipating an off-season move to the Adanac boys. Your Audi does not fit in with the Camaros and IROCs, but I assume they will still open their arms to you.

ColemanJ, I think the Columbus boys use Joico, none of the cheap shite from the shampoo aisle at Save on Foods.

Skank, you must be familiar with the shampoo aisle. Don't they sell wax there or are you sporting a pelt down there??

 

[JAGS]

Don't they sell wax there or are you sporting a pelt down there??

I believe the Anti Fan has the Skank over to his Tree Fort for some Mad Dog 20/20 (plum flavor, of course) on a weekly basis, and it is reported that she prefers to have it like a hardwood bowling alley, but with a small carpet style runner right down the middle. This is all much to the disappointment of the Anti Fan, who prefers his women with something that resembles a third of a pizza.

JAGS

 

[Skanky CDMTC Blonde]

Oh you boys think that you are so funny anyway but anyway you can say what you want about me, but I do not do Fructis, Joico, and I do not do durex. Beauty tips I can help you with, becuase you dont know anything about that I dont think. I Just helped the Board poor thing on another one of these categories although I dont really see what hiring a person called Dele Mitchell and people saying they need to get a Brazilian are somehow related, (I think it is decided by a girl the call the Board) so anyhow this is next, .

Hellooo boys! Now are you getting into my area of being sooo expert! Mr. Canuck you are wrongooo!

You can get this done over here at Europia In Edgemont Village for $65 (although personaly I only go there in an emergency! )

But downtown Vancouver is the way to go gere! The Spa at the Century is good at $80 and PinkLime is also $80 but I say if you are going to go Yaletown go to Oasis!...just 5 dollars more for the Board to spend than PinkLime(hopefully that is not literally why they call the BOard that because that is mean...if it is and she needs plastic surgery advice ask me! Contacts sweetie! )

And why not make an evening of it anyway how about a cocktail at the lounge at Opus later, and then some yummy Sushi at Bluewater (tell Yoshi I said HI!!)

But all in all it doesnt cost 500,000 or two millions not even close!

Smooch!

 

[colemanj]

IROCs and white boots, I've seen that combo often down in the Entertainment District -- why does this suddenly make me think of SCDMTC Blonde?

 

[sarge]

sounds like she's a Columbus fan too!