North Shore Coaches League 2006 Summer Results and Banter

[AntiFan]

Sir M.... I hear the Paula Abdul reunion tour leaves for Palm Springs tomorrow. Will there be any poker and walk of shame down there? It is only a cool 110 degrees so make sure to hydrate apporpriately before starting walk of shame, would hate to hear about a poor time do to Dehydration. Rumour has it there might be a stag involved in this years trip? maybe i will head down with the Skank!

Jags (AKA..Ryan Seacrest) and Spada I hear are already lined up at the village PUB

 

[AntiFan]

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!! Just Back from Palm Springs, it was okay. Sirm is probably still golfing down there in his new Toro golf shirt.

 

[Sir M]

Antifan,

I see Nordic has won three in a row? What happened, are you still on the team?

Big game of two undefeated tonight on the artificial turf at Ambleside (the nice thing about the AT is you never have to mow the grass).

Palm Springs was OK, did some shopping for XXXL sizes, took the tram, went to the living desert, and did some painting up at the Joshua Tree, (I was trying to get in touch with my fcuking sensitive side).

Played some nice courses too, especially La Senza except the drink girl didn't sell drinks...until...(true story)...

Dickens convinces her to drive her drink cart off of the golf course, and across Ramon (no not a Mexican, a six lane road), to a nearby liquor store and pick up two bottles of rum. Then the little chort steals one of the lawn cutter's walkie talkies and radios in:

Dickens: "Hello, this Ginger out on the 14th hole in cart 62. I've got one of your radios, and we need some ice, coke and glasses out here for our rummers out here pronto..."

Jose the greenskeeper; "Que?"

Dickens: "I HAVE YOUR RADIO. BRING US SOME COKE, ICE AND GLASSES OUT TO 14 FOR OUR RUMMERS, OR NO RADIO."

Jose: "You want regular or diet, meng?"

Five minutes later ther coke, ice and glasses are delivered.

Bro: "What do we owe you dude?"

Jose: "Hey nootthing meng, I am just happy to get my raydio back meng, my boss, meng, he was gonna killll meeee..."

 

[deenav69]

Another great summer league season, comes to a close. Last night was our last league game against Booridge..
A great hard fought battle, with the Dawgs walking away 2-0 victorious...
Now on to cup play...
Anyone have any idea, as to the format and when the schedules are due to be release
Once again this summer league, is probably 1 of the best run, in the city.......

Congrats and thanks to the organizers........

 

[Sir M]

Deena, I think the way it works is the top 4 play off for the A cup, the middle 4 for the B cup and the last 4 for the C cup.

Currently at the top it looks like this:

Norvan has 8 wins, 2 shootout wins (2 pts each for those), 0 losses and zero ties.

West Van FC are a flat 9 wins in 9 games.

Freybe are 7 wins, 2 shootout wins 1 tiie and they lost to WVFC.

Coveside are 6 wins 0 s/o wns, 3 ties and a couple of losses.

Blueridge is 3 pts behind Coveside.

So this Fridays game (West Van vs Norvan) will decide the league and determine whether or not the holders go through with an unblemished record.

PS It was Dickens' stag this weekend up at Whistler. The following conversation took place this morning:

(Ron A and Spada doing the walk of shame at 9 AM. As they try to find their way back home, a black bear walks across the trail some 50 yards ahead of them).

Spadapeep: Ron whats that?

Ron: Thats a bear Davey.

Spada: A bear!

Ron: Yep.

Spada: Like a real bear, not like the A and W bear?

Ron: No thats a real bear Davey.

(I don't make this stuff up).

So Deena it looks like you will play BLueridge in the B cup semifinal.

 

[deenav69]

AFter our win over Booridge last Thrus, puts us in 5th spot, though, the league's site hasn't been updated, with last weeks results to acutally determine final standing for those that have played their 11 games...

Either way we are solidly in the B-Cup group. This weeks schedule has Pest Van up for 2 games which should round out the league games. This should see the start of Cup play slated for the week of July 24.

Wouldn't mind seeing 3 groups of 4 teams, with a round robin, with the top 2 playing a final. Would make for more games...
But that would take us pretty close to the start of the fall/winter season....and I doubt the league has the fields booked that late into the summer season...

 

[JAGS]

Final Summer Standings:

TEAM GP W SW L T GF GA +/- PTS

WV Peg 11 11 50 14 36 33
Norvan 11 8 2 1 50 15 35 28
Freybe 11 7 2 1 1 28 16 12 26
Coveside 11 6 3 2 41 28 13 20
Bulldogs 11 5 1 5 33 24 9 17
Nordic 11 5 4 2 31 31 0 17
Blueridge 11 5 1 5 30 22 8 17
Malones 11 4 5 2 21 33 -12 14
Lynn Valley 11 4 7 34 28 6 12
Lupo 11 2 1 7 1 15 35 -20 9
Seymour 11 1 10 12 55 -43 3
Guardians 11 1 10 11 55 -44 2

Glad we signed 28 guys for the summer and never had more than 14 to a game.

On to the playoffs this week. Three cups up for grabs.

'A' Cup Semis:

WV Peg v. Coveside 7:00pm July 25th @ Griffin
Norvan v. Freybe 8:00pm July 26th @ Ambleside

'B' Cup Semis:

Nordic v. Blueridge 9:00pm July 25th @ Griffin
Bulldogs v. Malones 8:00pm July 27th @ Carson/Confed

'DD' Cup Semis (I've had a Double D Cup Semi before )

Lupo v. Seymour 9:00pm July 27th @ Griffin
LV v. Guardians 8:00pm July 28th @ Ambleside

Finals go next week.

My predictions as follows:

WV
Norvan
Nordic
Malones
Lupo
LV

JAGS

 

[Sir M]

I like your optimism JAGS, but top scorer Danny V (scary eye incident) and arguably best player in the league Jinky (hammy) were both injured at Nations Cup this weekend and are unavailable for selection tomorrow, as well as xausa, Oly, Franks, Jua, and about 15 others. Maybe Shorty in the 2nd half after golf.

This summers unblemished record (and the trophy we hold) could be in a bit of trouble I think.

 

[Sir M]

OK we won anyway despite the shortages against a pretty disappointing Coveside team. Final is tomorrow eve against Freybe who did a good job in knocking off 2nd place Norvan in the other semi...

No names mentioned, but how would you like to be at a (Doddy's) stag in Whistler on this past Saturday, and fall asleep on a park benck at 4 AM in the village and have a REAL BEAR come up and lick away at your face as you slept...

 

[Regs]

I'm sure Spada loved it!

 

[JAGS]

Spada liked the tongue, but not a big fan of the hairy back. Last heard mumbling "Whose the Cutest" ......... and "Get a Back Wax Honey"

JAGS

 

[besty]

For those who have not seen this yet.
From the Coveside web site.
Classic stuff.

I feel so honoured.

Good work...try swallowing the sour grapes there's always next year.

Good Old Boys Match Report--July 25, 2006
July 26 2006 at 12:20 PM
No score for this post T.P.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When George Best passed away, the world mourned the passing of the man they thought was the greatest footballer ever with the last name “Best.” But those of us who have been fortunate enough to play in the NCSL summer league of 2006 know that the world was mistaken. Because a team full of good old north shore boys who just want a kick around on a balmy summer evening contains the greatest Best (the bestest Best) ever to grace a football pitch. And we at Coveside FC felt privileged this past Tuesday evening when we were lucky enough to play on the same field as Martin Best. With such a great player on the field we felt fortunate to only lose by a 2-1 score.

We were a bit short on numbers as we arrived at Martin Best field for our Tuesday evening A-cup semi-final. (The good old boys were short of men too, but since Martin Best has the strength and stamina of five men, they were at no disadvantage). Bernie gathered the lads together, adjusted his Nascar sunglasses, and started off on a long, rambling pre-game pep talk which none of us listened to because we were all starting at the great M.B. warm up. (That’s what those of us in the know like to call him—M.B. It’s like when movie stars call each other by their nicknames. “Yes, I loved working with Sammy L. Jackson.”) A starting lineup was eventually selected that had Vinny in net, and Gavin and Dave H in the centre of defense with Martine on the left and Randy on the right. Cam and Mike ran the center of midfield, with Roddy (who is President and Treasurer of the Martin Best Fan Club) on the right and Gord (who is President of the Peg Are All Cnuts Fan Club) on the left. Rosie (who is President of the Kelly Slater Look-Alikes Fan Club) and Gino (who is President of the Gino Fan Club) started up front. Our subs included Ed, Khaled, Cloudy, and Scott.

The game started out relatively slowly. Keeping possession was the challenge facing both teams, and the Good Old Boys (hereafter abbreviated as GOBs), thanks to the Zidane-like qualities of the Besterizer (that’s what his close friends call him), had the lion’s share of the ball but were not creating any openings for their large and larger forwards. For our part, we were keeping our shape well and competing well. Mike had one of the best covering tackles of the year with a tremendous cover-back-and-sliding effort that resembled Bestie in his CSL days. Martine got up well for a corner kick but put the header over the bar. It was a very even game.

We were looking for openings to exploit in those moments where we weren’t staring in awe at the Best-man’s tremendous skills and superb hair. In fact, much of the GOBs squad has excellent hair. Which is maybe why some of them whine like little baby girls when it gets messed up by any kind of firm tackle. (And yes, I have very little hair and am jealous of the excellent hair they have. But my motive here is not to lash out against what I do not have—it is to try to understand why such good players complain so much. Hair offers one explanation.)

And speaking of whining, the reaction to our opening goal was absolutely hysterical. An astute through ball from Gavin split the GOBs defense wide open. Roddy was closest to the ball and in an offside position (because he wanted to be near to his idol Martin.). But he left the ball alone and our recently re-blonded sponsor Mike Browne made a great run from five yards onside, took the ball in on a breakaway, and calmly slotted in for a 1-0 lead for Coveside. Many of the GOBs team was actually bitching at the ref while Mike was still approaching the keeper. And although personally I agree with whatever my Best friend (that’s what I like to call him) said about the play (because anyone who played in the CSL must have a better grasp of the rules of football than anyone else in the world), the insensitive referee waved away the objections.

On a related note, why is it that GOB players can say “Fcuk you” to the ref multiple times without getting a warning or a card, but when Brad wishes the ref a nice day he gets sent off? (OK, maybe using Brad isn’t the best way to make my point about a double standard, but you get the idea).

It looked like we were going to go into the half still up 1-0, but when a GOB struck a shot from the left wing, Vinny was caught wondering if Bestman would like his hair more down in a ponytail or up in a bun. The shot knuckled under Vinny’s body and between his legs to tie the game at 1-1 just before the half.

The half-time talk contained lots of optimism about our second half prospects, and also lots of admiring remarks about the great play of Marty B. Speers was apparently so aroused by The Best’s sexual aura that he decided to play the second half commando. When he dropped his shorts to demonstrate his bare white ass blinded half the coffee club.

Unfortunately, an early giveaway was followed by a clever GOB chip to the left flank. Vinny appeared to have the resulting shot covered, but a backtracking Cam interceded and hammered the ball into the lower corner of our net. The unlucky OG made the score 2-1 and meant that we would have to overcome a deficit with Mr. Simply the Best on the other side of the ball.

As the heat began to take its toll players started tiring. Now, when you’re the manager of a bunch of good old boys out for a kickaround, you only have 11 players, and you don’t really care all that much about winning, how do you react to this situation? That’s right—you get on the phone and call in two Whitecaps to bolster your side in the second half. I guess if guys have the chance to play with The Best they jump at it.

Even with the newcomers on the other side, we had our chances to level the game. Gino was put clean through, but tried to curl a shot off the outside of his right boot when The Best would probably have scored using his equally powerful left boot. Scott had a break from the right side of the box but could not get a shot on net. Speers beat the offside trap and received the ball on the penalty spot, but couldn’t get his shot on net. At the other end, the GOBS were creating problems for us down the flanks, orchestrated by their midfield maestro Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. But some good blocks and saves prevented them from getting on the score sheet again.

When the ball did end up in the back of our net, the ref (probably correctly—it was a close call) called it back for offside, which led to the GOBs once again going ballistic with their whining and complaining. I was once again reminded of Brad’s haiku tribute to the GOBs:

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

In spite of our effort, once again luck was not on our side and the final whistle ended the game in a 2-1 victory for the GOBs. It’s been fun playing them in the summer league, and if we didn’t have to listen to them it would have been even better. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather play a strong team like the GOBs than someone like Lupo. Who we lost to. Never mind.

We took advantage of the post-game handshake to actually get a touch of the Best player on the field’s body. Roddy touched his own nut sack immediately after the handshake and has now created a shrine to Best on the lower region of his left testicle.

As we enjoyed the beers, laughs, and Best-sized hot dogs after the game, we marveled at how good the Bestest guy ever was with his fans. Everyone got an autograph, whether they wanted one or not. Roddy kept asking if he should go over and get his autograph, but he just couldn’t get up the courage to do so. Maybe next time! It’s tough to think clearly in the presence of greatness.

Thanks to all the boys who came out this summer, and best wishes to Gavin and Scott who will not be joining us in the fall but hopefully will rejoin us again in the future. Because even though we may not have the Best player in the world, we are, without a doubt, the best source of beers and laughs in the NSCL.

 

[besty]

oops

 

[cside17]

Besty, no sour grapes intended.

Just another funny Coveside match report, this one at your expense! All in good fun,and I am sure all those that know you and have played against you, will see the humour in it.

Hard luck in the shoot out loss tonight, althought your chip over the keeper was the best shot of the night.

But for the 2nd year in a row the best team won.

Good Luck to WVFC in the fall, from all of Coveside.

 

[trece verde]

Striking while the iron is hot....

Will sell valuable Martin Best autographed shirt for money (8 year old child attached to shirt also available as a throw-in)...

Bestest offer takes it all.....

Trece

 

[Sir M]

But for the 2nd year in a row the best team won.

Good Luck to WVFC in the fall, from all of Coveside.

Actually Cside I think no... I dont think I know, despite your announcement (Freudian slip I am sure) last night, that our side actually won the summer trophy in 2005.

Unless they got the engraving wrong or something...

And in my opinion, the post read more like kind of a personal attack against Besty.

 

[cside17]

Actually Cside I think no... I dont think I know, despite your announcement (Freudian slip I am sure) last night, that our side actually won the summer trophy in 2005.

Unless they got the engraving wrong or something...

And in my opinion, the post read more like kind of a personal attack against Besty.

Yes, I am sorry I did screw that up!

If you don't enjoy our match reports don't read them, I believe we have a rider on our site stating something along those lines.

All in fun, typical Coveside! Just here for the football,beer and the laughs!

I guess Freybe proved, a little heart, goes a long way!

 

[besty]

And in my opinion, the post read more like kind of a personal attack against Besty.

Are you saying they didn't really mean all that?

"No autographs for you!"

 

[Sir M]

What do you think Besty?

 

[colemanj]

Lots of obsessive talk about Martin's hair, but very little about the final... sitting on the beach in Summerland, but hear rumours from the Viking boys that they did in fact walk away with the cup. Kudos to big Marco in goal, and the midfield of my peers... hard to believe since I now have barely enough energy to crawl across the deck for another beer.

Toze are you lurking, we missed another classic Viking moment.

Really though, a bear licking? Are you sure you didn't leave an extra happy face stuck to your forehead -- perhaps Dickens was cleaning you up.