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Probably The Only Decent Choon Thread on This Website
- Thread starter terrytoo
- Start date
- Status
- Thread starter
- #42
Sheep said:
Oh Sheep, poor Sheep, it's upsetting to see your dependency on drugs has escalated so. Don't forget that smoking leads to heroin addiction, paedophilia and suicide bombing so do seek help before you complete the set by ramming your stolen Piageo into an all-night petrol station off a slip road of the M42.
What would you know about functional society?
As Groucho Marx quipped shortly before he was beheaded and sodomised by Viet Minh guerrillas for the crime of being unfunny and a bit rubbish, "Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
Fastshow, you really are a tiresome bore. I don't know the details behind your latest comeback but you're the most overrated poster on this website. As one of its' most inspoken commentators, you have been asked back despite not saying anything remotely of any interest during the many years of your lamentable TTP career.
And here you are being encouraged to continue with the minimum amount of excitement and the maximum amount of posting banality.
I despair at your resolute unwillingness to utter any remark of any consequence or to link anything with any pithy asides or witty observations. I attempted to contact your old pal Saint this morning for his input into the controversy, but was told that "he's gone to the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz with Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson".
In the words of a popular beat-poet and sage, "I wonder what Sweet Fanny Adams would think of all this?"
I wonder indeed.
Overrated? Pithy? Witty? Banality? You're about as useful as a fishing rod in the Sahara.
And precisely how many private messages have you received from Lita? It is by this, and only this, that we can possibly gauge popularity on TTP. My collection of mad solicitations and cries for help is so impressive in volume I am currently writing a book on the subject.
Saint? Last I heard of him he entered my chambers and asked me if I was doubting the doctrine of transubstantiation in which the substance of the wine and bread changes into the very blood and body of Christ when consecrated in the Eucharist. But fortunately he was just joking. That was a scary moment. I wish he'd use emoticons when taking the piss.
I would be interested to hear your learned thoughts on the following news that has darkened my desk this afternoon..........
Pope John Paul II today rocked the Church of Rome to the very theological foundations on which it stands by claiming he had "never been a Catholic".
He further stated that he "did not believe in the immaculate conception", and furthermore was "not particularly bothered one way or another" if God existed or not.
The shock revelation comes in the same week that Sinn Fein head Gerry Adams stated categorically that he had never been a member of the IRA, and further denied that he was even Irish, claiming that both his parents were in fact of Moldavian extraction.
"No, I can honestly say that I've never even had a drink with a member of the Provos," said Adams. "And neither has Martin McGuinness. Neither of us have the faintest idea what they get up to."
Experts now fear a world-wide outbreak of astounding assertions. "Michael Jackson has already intimated that he was never actually black," said one leading authority. "And, of course, it's already widely known that Harold Shipman never killed anyone, and Hitler was just a misunderstood artist."
Meanwhile, the British public expect Tony Blair is expected to confirm within the next few days what they have known all along — that he is not, nor has he ever been, a member of the Labour Party.
I'd like to know what Sheep thinks about that. Or whether it is possible for Sheep to think at all.
Black and White Town- Doves.
And precisely how many private messages have you received from Lita? It is by this, and only this, that we can possibly gauge popularity on TTP. My collection of mad solicitations and cries for help is so impressive in volume I am currently writing a book on the subject.
Saint? Last I heard of him he entered my chambers and asked me if I was doubting the doctrine of transubstantiation in which the substance of the wine and bread changes into the very blood and body of Christ when consecrated in the Eucharist. But fortunately he was just joking. That was a scary moment. I wish he'd use emoticons when taking the piss.
I would be interested to hear your learned thoughts on the following news that has darkened my desk this afternoon..........
Pope John Paul II today rocked the Church of Rome to the very theological foundations on which it stands by claiming he had "never been a Catholic".
He further stated that he "did not believe in the immaculate conception", and furthermore was "not particularly bothered one way or another" if God existed or not.
The shock revelation comes in the same week that Sinn Fein head Gerry Adams stated categorically that he had never been a member of the IRA, and further denied that he was even Irish, claiming that both his parents were in fact of Moldavian extraction.
"No, I can honestly say that I've never even had a drink with a member of the Provos," said Adams. "And neither has Martin McGuinness. Neither of us have the faintest idea what they get up to."
Experts now fear a world-wide outbreak of astounding assertions. "Michael Jackson has already intimated that he was never actually black," said one leading authority. "And, of course, it's already widely known that Harold Shipman never killed anyone, and Hitler was just a misunderstood artist."
Meanwhile, the British public expect Tony Blair is expected to confirm within the next few days what they have known all along — that he is not, nor has he ever been, a member of the Labour Party.
I'd like to know what Sheep thinks about that. Or whether it is possible for Sheep to think at all.
Black and White Town- Doves.
Captain Shamrock
Well-Known Member
I haven't heard this 'decent choon'. Who is the artist? Stick to the topic at hand, Mr. England. You seem to be infatuated with this topic. You're reading too many tabloids my good man.
To stay on topic...
I See You Baby(shakin' that ass) - Groove Armada
It's amazing how much you and terrytoo have in common..........
One can never read too many tabloids.
I've just been following the recent pressure on the IRA to cease to exist with interest and thought you might like to add your two bits and perspective on things. Infatuation is a tad strong an adjective. Apparently people would rather indulge themselves in handbags at twenty Pachos talking about the two comedy warring TTP factions.
Fair enough, really.
I take it your last comment was sarcastic. I know this because, when waving one's mouse over that particular green face, text appears which reads, "Roll Eyes". And, in case further explanation is required, (Sarcastic) is also offered to eradicate any chance of misunderstanding.
I have very little in common with Terry when "it's" all said and done. He does far more work for charity than I, for instance.
Terry's knack of finding himself scantily clad by visiting builders, postmen and Jehovah's Witnesses has become legendary. He sent me the following text just a few weekends ago......
"Dave the plumber had got me so hot that I had to collect my love juices in a plastic bowl on the kitchen floor." "He fuc*ked me over the washing machine until my buttocks bounced like footballs kicked by Pele. 'I'll show you a length of pipe you dirty bitch,' he roared as his filled my box with his delicious creamy come. Twenty minutes later me and the plumber had filled 16 lemonade bottles with "humanitarian aid". That's enough to feed three Sudanese families for a week. Just thinking about their happy, smiling faces is enough to send a little shiver of pleasure through my quivvering and battered ringpiece as the man from the water board advances wielding his hideously empurpled probe..."
I've since changed the number on my mobile.
Saturday- Cut Copy
I've just been following the recent pressure on the IRA to cease to exist with interest and thought you might like to add your two bits and perspective on things. Infatuation is a tad strong an adjective. Apparently people would rather indulge themselves in handbags at twenty Pachos talking about the two comedy warring TTP factions.
Fair enough, really.
I take it your last comment was sarcastic. I know this because, when waving one's mouse over that particular green face, text appears which reads, "Roll Eyes". And, in case further explanation is required, (Sarcastic) is also offered to eradicate any chance of misunderstanding.
I have very little in common with Terry when "it's" all said and done. He does far more work for charity than I, for instance.
Terry's knack of finding himself scantily clad by visiting builders, postmen and Jehovah's Witnesses has become legendary. He sent me the following text just a few weekends ago......
"Dave the plumber had got me so hot that I had to collect my love juices in a plastic bowl on the kitchen floor." "He fuc*ked me over the washing machine until my buttocks bounced like footballs kicked by Pele. 'I'll show you a length of pipe you dirty bitch,' he roared as his filled my box with his delicious creamy come. Twenty minutes later me and the plumber had filled 16 lemonade bottles with "humanitarian aid". That's enough to feed three Sudanese families for a week. Just thinking about their happy, smiling faces is enough to send a little shiver of pleasure through my quivvering and battered ringpiece as the man from the water board advances wielding his hideously empurpled probe..."
I've since changed the number on my mobile.
Saturday- Cut Copy
- Thread starter
- #46
Tweet, offside. Red card for verbals.
Still no sign of Sheep. Maybe he's being tended to by Saint Shepherd.
Singing in the Rain - Mint Royale
From the newish Volkswagen Golf ad campaign featuring Gene Kelly bodypopping. Sexy. For krauts.
It's not just me doing my bit, and the bits of others for charity, Fastshow, you miserable sad and lonely individual who thinks his homeland is to blame for everything that’s gone wrong in his empty, shallow, friend-free, halitosis-ridden life. This was in this morning's Metro:
The UK's top-shelf publications have launched a humanitarian initiative to alleviate suffering in famine-gripped Africa, we can reveal.
Leading shuffle mags including Mayfair and Penthouse will this month airlift excess semen produced by their publications' employees and models to Red Cross distribution centres from where it will be quickly delivered to the most needy.
The protein could potentially save five million lives and provide up to 30,000 aid workers with better complexions.
It is estimated that the letters pages alone of both magazines will produce around 3,000 litres of surplus man juice per issue. "The man on the street will produce about a teaspoon of ejaculate per orgasm," noted Thor Hungstallion of The Erotic Ingest. "He can pull that off once, maybe twice a day. Porn correspondents, on the other hand, can hose down their girlfriend/boyfriend with jizzum, take a quick five-minute break, and then fill two buckets with their prodigious outpourings. Bearing in mind that they can do this repeatedly over a twelve-hour period, it's easy to see that there's an awful lot of protein going to waste/waist."
Still no sign of Sheep. Maybe he's being tended to by Saint Shepherd.
Singing in the Rain - Mint Royale
From the newish Volkswagen Golf ad campaign featuring Gene Kelly bodypopping. Sexy. For krauts.
It's not just me doing my bit, and the bits of others for charity, Fastshow, you miserable sad and lonely individual who thinks his homeland is to blame for everything that’s gone wrong in his empty, shallow, friend-free, halitosis-ridden life. This was in this morning's Metro:
The UK's top-shelf publications have launched a humanitarian initiative to alleviate suffering in famine-gripped Africa, we can reveal.
Leading shuffle mags including Mayfair and Penthouse will this month airlift excess semen produced by their publications' employees and models to Red Cross distribution centres from where it will be quickly delivered to the most needy.
The protein could potentially save five million lives and provide up to 30,000 aid workers with better complexions.
It is estimated that the letters pages alone of both magazines will produce around 3,000 litres of surplus man juice per issue. "The man on the street will produce about a teaspoon of ejaculate per orgasm," noted Thor Hungstallion of The Erotic Ingest. "He can pull that off once, maybe twice a day. Porn correspondents, on the other hand, can hose down their girlfriend/boyfriend with jizzum, take a quick five-minute break, and then fill two buckets with their prodigious outpourings. Bearing in mind that they can do this repeatedly over a twelve-hour period, it's easy to see that there's an awful lot of protein going to waste/waist."
- Thread starter
- #48
Well that's, you, used your alocation of, commas, for the week. And. A sentence fragment. Too. No, more posts. For you.
Has anyone ever seen the Countdown and DickVanDyke at the same time? They're either the same person or they went to the same school.
Let me offer you a quotation, this time from the Roman theoretician Quintilian, writing 2,000 years ago: "One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand."
Call That Love (Radio Slave Mix)- Xpress-2
Last Minute Flight- Kris B
Leave my Mum out of this, she left my Dad when he was six months pregnant and ran off with a trapeze artist member of the Monégasque Royal Family.
Has anyone ever seen the Countdown and DickVanDyke at the same time? They're either the same person or they went to the same school.
Let me offer you a quotation, this time from the Roman theoretician Quintilian, writing 2,000 years ago: "One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand."
Call That Love (Radio Slave Mix)- Xpress-2
Last Minute Flight- Kris B
Leave my Mum out of this, she left my Dad when he was six months pregnant and ran off with a trapeze artist member of the Monégasque Royal Family.
Leave Steve1234 be, terry. Pick on someone who enjoys your level of pisstaking ability. Try here.
Too Cold- Roots Manuva
Word.
Today's musical news.....
Top-selling band Coldplay, whose album A Rush of Blood to the Head reached number one three years ago in an extraordinary display of apathy, announced yesterday it was to split. The band cited exhaustion, artistic indifferences and a growing feeling of niceness as the reasons behind the breakup.
A statement from the band's record company, Parlophone, stated: "Chris [Martin] and the boys have been touring non-stop for almost two years and that has taken its toll physically and mentally. They have also come to realise that no-one actually listens to their albums but just puts them on in the background on very low volume. Out of respect for Texas and The Corrs therefore they have decided to split up and go back to being obnoxious and unemployed."
Reaction to the news has been swift. A music fan from Nottingham, thor Hungstallion, 26, told us: "Coldplay? Oh, I quite like them." Rachel Williams, 25, from Cardiff, agreed: "I quite like Coldplay." Her friend Charlotte Davies, also 25, enthused: "They're OK."
Looking back over their Coldplay's career successes, Daniel Holmes, 23, from Bolton, said: "I quite liked their last single. What's it called? The last one, you know. Anyway, that one was good." His brother Ian, 21, was stunned by the news: "They've split up, have they? Oh, right."
Craig Gosling, a music industry analyst, lamented: "This is a band that has sold a great many units in the past few years. They had a universal appeal among people that don't usually buy records or listen to much music and that's a big plus. It's a shame they've decided to call it a day. Bad business decision."
Too Cold- Roots Manuva
Word.
Today's musical news.....
Top-selling band Coldplay, whose album A Rush of Blood to the Head reached number one three years ago in an extraordinary display of apathy, announced yesterday it was to split. The band cited exhaustion, artistic indifferences and a growing feeling of niceness as the reasons behind the breakup.
A statement from the band's record company, Parlophone, stated: "Chris [Martin] and the boys have been touring non-stop for almost two years and that has taken its toll physically and mentally. They have also come to realise that no-one actually listens to their albums but just puts them on in the background on very low volume. Out of respect for Texas and The Corrs therefore they have decided to split up and go back to being obnoxious and unemployed."
Reaction to the news has been swift. A music fan from Nottingham, thor Hungstallion, 26, told us: "Coldplay? Oh, I quite like them." Rachel Williams, 25, from Cardiff, agreed: "I quite like Coldplay." Her friend Charlotte Davies, also 25, enthused: "They're OK."
Looking back over their Coldplay's career successes, Daniel Holmes, 23, from Bolton, said: "I quite liked their last single. What's it called? The last one, you know. Anyway, that one was good." His brother Ian, 21, was stunned by the news: "They've split up, have they? Oh, right."
Craig Gosling, a music industry analyst, lamented: "This is a band that has sold a great many units in the past few years. They had a universal appeal among people that don't usually buy records or listen to much music and that's a big plus. It's a shame they've decided to call it a day. Bad business decision."
Please just one more post. Look here, since this is your idea of a stellar pisstake. pompous git
Adam Green -- Emily.
This guy toured the U.K. Further confirmation you're all tone deaf.
Adam Green -- Emily.
This guy toured the U.K. Further confirmation you're all tone deaf.
- Thread starter
- #51
Oh Countdown, you try ever so hard but fail every time dontcha? At least you're a good sport and consistent. Shame you don't have two bits of brain or humour to rub together. That would start a fire.
Please let me and my listeners know what, in your esteemed opinion, makes a "stellar" pisstake. Go on, this should be good and already the switchboard is lighting up with a huge number of requests to hear your latest accidental epic. You've got the listenership gagging for some more of your unintentional pisstakes, old boy.
Let's follow your "logic". An American back-row-skid called Adam Green , armed with a guitar and a truly horrific singing voice, tours the UK. This makes "all" those who live in the UK tone-deaf? Of course it does, Spock. A cracking pisstake there from the colonial "Scotsman" who has as much right calling himself Scots as I have calling myself Greta Garbo. Back of the net!!
You're really doing yourself a disservice, Countdown (and making a worrying habit of doing so I might add). What you really want to do is download Adam Green's "Jessica", a song I suggested several months ago.
Like your "pisstakes", it's such complete shite it's actually quite entertaining.
Some facts about Countdown
The first programme on Channel 4, Countdown has been appealing to wordsmiths and number-crunchers since 1982.
Since then, the clock music has played over 27,000 times, Carol Vorderman has chosen over 70,000 letters for the contestants, and the word 'conundrum' has featured as the Conundrum on at least one occasion.
Some more Countdown facts:
1. ‘Richard’ is not really Richard Whiteley's first name - it's John.
2. The youngest contestant to appear was 8-year-old James Squire, in 1992, and the oldest contestant was 87 year old Bertha Bourne, in 1994.
Please let me and my listeners know what, in your esteemed opinion, makes a "stellar" pisstake. Go on, this should be good and already the switchboard is lighting up with a huge number of requests to hear your latest accidental epic. You've got the listenership gagging for some more of your unintentional pisstakes, old boy.
Let's follow your "logic". An American back-row-skid called Adam Green , armed with a guitar and a truly horrific singing voice, tours the UK. This makes "all" those who live in the UK tone-deaf? Of course it does, Spock. A cracking pisstake there from the colonial "Scotsman" who has as much right calling himself Scots as I have calling myself Greta Garbo. Back of the net!!
You're really doing yourself a disservice, Countdown (and making a worrying habit of doing so I might add). What you really want to do is download Adam Green's "Jessica", a song I suggested several months ago.
Like your "pisstakes", it's such complete shite it's actually quite entertaining.
Some facts about Countdown
The first programme on Channel 4, Countdown has been appealing to wordsmiths and number-crunchers since 1982.
Since then, the clock music has played over 27,000 times, Carol Vorderman has chosen over 70,000 letters for the contestants, and the word 'conundrum' has featured as the Conundrum on at least one occasion.
Some more Countdown facts:
1. ‘Richard’ is not really Richard Whiteley's first name - it's John.
2. The youngest contestant to appear was 8-year-old James Squire, in 1992, and the oldest contestant was 87 year old Bertha Bourne, in 1994.
Terrytoo,
I find chopping wood quite relaxing, but on the other hand, I find your posts quite painful to read. You seem to talk about a whole lotta nothing. By the way, what’s you're obsession/addiction with this thread anyway? You’re like a crack whore begging for nickels on the King George Highway. 'I need more nickels, I need more crack!'
Perhaps, maybe, you should venture outside the box once and awhile.
Beat it - Michael Jackson
I find chopping wood quite relaxing, but on the other hand, I find your posts quite painful to read. You seem to talk about a whole lotta nothing. By the way, what’s you're obsession/addiction with this thread anyway? You’re like a crack whore begging for nickels on the King George Highway. 'I need more nickels, I need more crack!'
Perhaps, maybe, you should venture outside the box once and awhile.
Beat it - Michael Jackson
Captain Shamrock
Well-Known Member
The One That I Love - Air Supply
LucVanLierde
Not Bright
Any way you look at it , you lose. ANYWAYS
Sheep,
Do you donate your edits to lucvanlierde?
Suggesting someone, "...venture outside the box once in a while" and namedropping the King George Highway (super pisstake by the way!!! You're a star!!!) is naff on many levels. Things you find difficult to read, for example, is a rather brilliant example of the increasingly popular TTP discipline; the unintentional pisstake. All the kids are at it. People who don't live in Surrey, Vancouver, British Columbia or Canada might not have heard of the King George Highway, as difficult as that might be to believe for you. Secondly, I'm of the opinion you should spend yet more time playing twiddle stix and enjoying the fact you're the "Mad Monkey Banana Toss Champion" champion. I'd be very proud of that, as I'm sure you are.
Being a moderator on TTP is a very prestigious honour and comes with a fair share of responsibility. I'm not sure you appreciate just how much people look to you for leadership. Instead of posting barely-literate bollocks no one finds the slightest bit amusing or interesting (you're too late and will need to come at things from another angle as showing off the frailties of the Canadian school system is what we have Steve1234, lucvanlierde, Buckfast, outkast, Saint, cascadesoccer, keeper, zenga, bulljive, The Rob, dapotayto, Sensei Hanson etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum for), you must, as a moderator, encourage people to post. I submit to you and the rest of the TTP Team that I am greatly encouraged by the quality of this website when I log on and see you haven't posted at all.
The worst thing a TTP moderator can do is abuse his power (for it's an exclusively male domain which is just another example of the blatant sexism and chauvinism that goes unchecked on here. If SC were a woman I'd nominate her to replace you). I think you're abusing your position as a moderator by blatantly feeding your edits to lucvanlierde and posting on TTP at all.
You'll never hold on to the sought-after title of Mad Monkey Banana Toss Champion unless you practice, Sheep. The arcade needs you and it's vital you're in there at all times.
Captain, I thought you'd quit TTP? In posting a "song" by Aussie soft-porn mulletted toss-merchants Air Supply, I reckon there's an argument to suggest you have.
Jinky,
You really must stop being so pedantic. You homo. Despite the horrific number of simple grammatical errors and misapprehension of rudimentary syntax, at least we can sit back and rest easy, safe in the knowledge that the substance of the pisstakes is as terrific as ever. Just last year I had a good old chuckle that lasted, literally minutes, while browsing the forums. That's one more chuckle than 2003. Things are looking up in TTP-land, you faggot arse-bandit cum-guzzling wanker.
A song for terrytoo's listeners.........
I'm a C*unt- Roy Chubby Brown
Do you donate your edits to lucvanlierde?
Suggesting someone, "...venture outside the box once in a while" and namedropping the King George Highway (super pisstake by the way!!! You're a star!!!) is naff on many levels. Things you find difficult to read, for example, is a rather brilliant example of the increasingly popular TTP discipline; the unintentional pisstake. All the kids are at it. People who don't live in Surrey, Vancouver, British Columbia or Canada might not have heard of the King George Highway, as difficult as that might be to believe for you. Secondly, I'm of the opinion you should spend yet more time playing twiddle stix and enjoying the fact you're the "Mad Monkey Banana Toss Champion" champion. I'd be very proud of that, as I'm sure you are.
Being a moderator on TTP is a very prestigious honour and comes with a fair share of responsibility. I'm not sure you appreciate just how much people look to you for leadership. Instead of posting barely-literate bollocks no one finds the slightest bit amusing or interesting (you're too late and will need to come at things from another angle as showing off the frailties of the Canadian school system is what we have Steve1234, lucvanlierde, Buckfast, outkast, Saint, cascadesoccer, keeper, zenga, bulljive, The Rob, dapotayto, Sensei Hanson etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum for), you must, as a moderator, encourage people to post. I submit to you and the rest of the TTP Team that I am greatly encouraged by the quality of this website when I log on and see you haven't posted at all.
The worst thing a TTP moderator can do is abuse his power (for it's an exclusively male domain which is just another example of the blatant sexism and chauvinism that goes unchecked on here. If SC were a woman I'd nominate her to replace you). I think you're abusing your position as a moderator by blatantly feeding your edits to lucvanlierde and posting on TTP at all.
You'll never hold on to the sought-after title of Mad Monkey Banana Toss Champion unless you practice, Sheep. The arcade needs you and it's vital you're in there at all times.
Captain, I thought you'd quit TTP? In posting a "song" by Aussie soft-porn mulletted toss-merchants Air Supply, I reckon there's an argument to suggest you have.
Jinky,
You really must stop being so pedantic. You homo. Despite the horrific number of simple grammatical errors and misapprehension of rudimentary syntax, at least we can sit back and rest easy, safe in the knowledge that the substance of the pisstakes is as terrific as ever. Just last year I had a good old chuckle that lasted, literally minutes, while browsing the forums. That's one more chuckle than 2003. Things are looking up in TTP-land, you faggot arse-bandit cum-guzzling wanker.
A song for terrytoo's listeners.........
I'm a C*unt- Roy Chubby Brown
LucVanLierde
Not Bright
one of these losers who talks just to hear her own voice.
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